doing from the heart of the struggle

i've come to understand that the hidden science of islam is in constancy, is in repetition, is in getting deeper with practice. this is accomplished in the path of surrender (ing to the Source of Peace = islam) through humility. a humility so profound a trillion soundbytes, glares, bullets ridculing you will only leave you deeper in the prophet jesus-path. 

when i attempted headstand some years back, i didn't get how it was possible without my neck breaking, my head shattering. didn't get how people around me were doing it...my yoga teacher told me to slow down...to practice. said it deep, like the voice of thunder. said it with an accent that sounded closer to home than my own eighties-new-york-bred-voice, an alien to itself, thickened by asphalt and perpetual outsider-ness.

i guess what ties many of us together in majority not us places, is a perpetual other-ness. we engage in the bars in the park, pushing up, cause down is too easy. pulling up with chappals and a loongi around our waist, like a loin cloth, like we are about to climb a mango tree, because, there is no way but up. so immigrants have to succeed in security, or die trying. my folks did it till their nose was above water... i watch them with their ancient hands reaching above a plastic ocean, struggling to see me reach the end of this marathon with a trophy...

i see the struggle like scars on the face of most new york dudes, in odd mixes of folk. i see it, the struggle. the struggle, the it, that sits like a tattoo on my carotid arteries, looping the mind to heart emotional heaviness through a cricle of willis. when you work with your heart, the guru of islam tells us, then you are free of emotion. 

when i stray from surrender, my heart and mind are mangled by attachments to experiences this body has gone through, and the struggle of duniya engulfs me. i see the struggle and move to it, like an attica riot, like the battle for algiers, like a mama bear crossed by a hiker in yellowstone. 

i see it in the immigrant from bangladesh in shiny dollar store dress pants, selling fruit, toys, newspaper; who awkwardly people watches, than looks away, standing with one leg, in front of another, like a western woman. i see you, i tell him, wordlessly. 

i see the struggle. i see you.

i see it in my dude who stood in front of me in the after 8pm half off the warm food line at the supermarket, out here on hawthorne; his shoeless white feet muddied by the streets, his pale cheeks bruised by defeat; his long stringy hair falling over his blue eyes. i see you i say quietly, when we exchange glances for a moment. 

i see it in the somali teen walking toward the convention center for the eid-ul-adha prayer, who walks with jordans and tapered pants, with a charged americanism, in diammetric opposition to the soft beat of his father, who is dressed in the traditional garb of a dessert bedouin. i see you. 

i see it in my brother smack's face, when he walks through crowds with his eyebrows arched, head low, strut heavy. i see you. 

i see it in my big homie red man, when he walks with his shades, listening to whispers of wisdom from the wind, waiting for a bus to downtown portland, as he looks for meaning to diabetes, the rez, the sack of his land in the bottles of his bros on the streets.

i see it in my pops when he, in his seventies, is still taking the n to the 7 to the g, to get to brooklyn, and then the g to the a to get to jamaica, and then the a to the 7 to jackson heights, and then in deep fatigue, stumbling back through another 2 trains cause he can't afford a cab. i see you. 

i see it my moms who walks with a limping foot in flimsy platforms a size too big, up and down the same shopping strip in our town, for a sale on shoes that are within her bare budget and comes home without. i see you. 

you may read this, and say what are you doing about it? what kind of man are you? 

i've been running on a ferris wheel. been rushing from one attempt at change to another, leaping 4 steps at a time to catch the train to a meeting for justice for this and that, for building an us, cause there's a them, for a chick i been kicking it with, for a bk backyard bbq party pharoah is throwing, for another job interview, for a job before i get axed, for...

...decades pass, same block, same building, same negligent landlord, same increases in rent, in fruits and veggies, same search for sales on food at night, before the grocery store is closing. 

been doing the babylon-shuffle. even after a college degree, and a city job in education with insurance and security...left, cause it didn't feel right. 

what i'm doing, is manning up, by praying, by counting the beads on this tasbee, 99 times, the way i'd seen my quiet cachu-dada do; been bowing my head, as soon as the sun sets, wherever i am at, often times on asphalt, on grass, in an alley, if i'm deliberate, on a mountain, even amidst spits, whispers of feds, homeland security cracking my skull for praying to the One-ness - for you and me...

what i'm doing is surrendering to the teachings a little bit more every day. what you do all the time, is what you become, the guru muhammad taught us. move like vinyasa, write like schoepen, eat like ramana, pray like the grave were beside me, dikr like a destitute rapper repeating the words of a young nas and prodigy-khadafi till it brings him out of a miles davis winter in the city...

what i'm doing is remembering that i am ancient mathematics after forgetting and seeking wisdom from celebrities in alternative health, only to find bars in front of my face, that keeps us deliberately apart, so that postionality can be maintained. this week every naturopathic doctor i sought advice from,  told me sorry...no positions avaialbe, no time, no opportunities, but there was an event that i could attend...then prayer happens and i remember, in babylon, the frequency sets a tune of security. the doctors, aleternative or alopathic, are also in the struggle. they are seeking to maintain, to develop, cultivate positions of leadership...their answer lies in consuming their products...such is the way, and in prayer, a beautiful reminder of what is real and what is maya...

what i'm doing is doing nutrition, applying the teachings of the gurus, of heru, krsna, moses, jesus, muhammad...to the babylon theoreticals.  doing this so that nutritional biochem and helath coaching and fundamentals of nutrition and the psych of nutrition are more than just the lectures i sit in and question the purpose of. the teachers are not the teachers socrates said. the teachers can be found among the people, in death row, as was the case for plato. 

what i'm doing is showing up for those who have shown up for me, by no longer waiting for the end of a path but living in the path...so you get my time cousin, cause we are tribe; so here are my offerings at this moment, and i can support you, and you can support me. 

what i'm doing is doing the tribe, building the village, growing deeper in the doing through surrendering this ego...no pictures please...

eid ul adha 2015

audzu billahe minash shaituner rajeem, bismillah hiRahman, niRahim.

eid ul adha, the commemoration of sacrfice. we get to watch islam being sacrficied on our tvs, in the media, in our minds, all around us. the spirituality that brought us peace, justice, love, has been under crucifixion for the past 40 years.  bleeding...

sacrifice your mind to tune in to your heart. 

this is the message: shhhhhhhhh...work from the inner-qibla.

say a prayer for syria, for iraq, for nigeria, for mali, for the ughers, the rohini's (muslims of burma under slaughter by the buddhist majority government), for iran, for palestine, for libya, for sudan, for eritrea, for somalia, for afghanistan, for native america, for black america, for el salvador, puerto rico, ayiti, for people under nucelar holocaust, for the ancient civilizations being decimated like mohawks and mohegans, and painted as the savages...

say a prayer. more importantly, make your purpose peace, real peace, the kind that requires doing, the kind that peter tosh reminds us has to do with justice, as: everyone keeps talking about peace peace peace, but we need justice, justice, justice...to do this requires sacrifice. 

all praise is due to the One for this opportunity to Surrender.

look outside your window. flashing red and blue lights. a hundred cops in triple-bullet proof. desert storm weapons drawn, towards your home, where you reside with mama, poppa, wifey, hubbie, kids. perhaps by yourself. 

you hear your first name and last name through a muffled bullhorn. get out of the house now! and surrender yourself! 

exclamation, marks their speech. authority is their recitation. demand, control. judgement is their positionality. idols.

are you an idol worshipper? will you go out? i might, if my family was there, if i were to think of everyone else besides me. but i would never surrender. 

the  path of surrender reminds us that surrender is only reserved to the/for the/(and in the deeper realms) in the, ONE. 

my hands are up, like abraham, like the sacrificial lamb, to truly Surrender (islam) to the One. 

hands up and no cops kicking down my door. hands up and no stick up kid jutting a .44 to my kidney.

hands up, cause One, cause of losing self to gain Self, cause in the sacrifice of the seeming good life, is the Real life.

how are you sacrificing? are you ready to let go? what are you willing to part with? 

my brother, one-who-knows-ALLAH, sent me a message from his spirit retreat in the mountains just over a week ago: the Essence, by way of pancha-mama, has sent me this message for you: move and work from the heart. 

western science lives in the brain. work from there can only lead to books and knowledge. the wisdom of the teachings of the prophet muhammad mustafa salllalahu wallaihe wasalam, is to work from the heart to Know. real Knowledge is in the letting go, is in the sacrifice of what appears real, for the Real. 

Real is within, in the heart. the heart is the qibla, the inner-compass that directs us towards the vibration of Harmony. the mind falls prey to thoughts that create emotions. the Heart feels without emotion. use this compass towards your every move - how you walk, talk, move, spend your time. every moment is an opportunity to worship, as the Purpose is to worship by way of your unique gifts, talents, purpose. 

are you ready? lets do it together. tell you what, this is what i'm going to sacrifice...money, fear, control, being-right. how? 

i am at the end of a cricumference in the academic portion chapter of my life, in advancing this path of traditional medicine man, by way of ayurveda-unani-yoga. 

along the way of this path, i kept telling myself that it was a goal, and instead of working and growing in the present, i have been in dimly lit cafes studying, in lecture halls scribbling, in long walks imagining the end of this path towards the goal. 

in growing deeper in this path, by way of bowing, by way of asana practice, it has become clear to me that the present isn't a speech on meditation. the sweat on my brows, leaking from ajana chakra and muladhara chakra, leading into kalari kicks and and adha-badha-pashimotonasana, all make it clear. the path is in the doing. do. 

to do, sacrifice ego, sacrifice the fear of rejection, of attempting to control the outcome. the work is in the doing. practice. so this is what i have to say for myself. i will be the traditional medicine man by doing nutritional assessments. i will do this by creating a nutritional assessment form, setting up a sliding scale based clinic, offering follow ups, utilizing the knowledge i am gaining on herbs, and the science of food, to do my work. i will use my studies for practice, for as the tradition of the prophet makes clear, if the focus of study is un-aligned with your purpose/with your work, then it becomes useless. 

to make knowledge useful, focus it on your purpose, use it towards your purpose. 

sacrifice the ego. there is work to be done. mass migrations are occuring. indigenous ways being further extinguished, taker cultures appropriating and becoming the guards of the indigenous ways. do something by doing, by doing from Love, from Purpose. you know what to do. 

surah 31: al luqman

31:12 the Essence said to luqman: be greatful and praise Essence, he who is greatful is only greatful for the needs of his own soul; but if anyone is ungreatful, surely ALLAH is self-sufficient and praiseworthy.

luqman conveyed this to his son by telling him to associate none with the One. there is only One...

the crux of this science of surrender (islam) is accepting in totality the math of this problem we face as a species - individualism, greed, ego, self-centeredness, sensory-movement/decision making. it's leading to wrong answers, faulty solutions, and in turn head-scratching, binge eating, alcoholism, sexaholism, cyberworldism, etc. the solution is 1ness, the problem is in us. we pose it. the answer lies not in words, nor knowledge, as information is itself a frequency of chaos, but in the Creation...

31:27 if all the trees on earth were pens, and the sea,  ink, and seven more seas added, truly the words of ALLAH would not be exhausted, for ALLAH is Almighty and Wise. 

the language of ALLAH is everywhere, omnipresent, and each, potentially omniscient in a togetherness, in community; for each holds the code, the genetic information, the 23 x and 23 y, the dna of Life, Essence...

this One-ness is so essential to understanding in this path of al Haq, Truth, that even those who are most highly regarded, most deeply pedastalicized in the path of surrender - your parents - would have to be contested on this point.

31:14 We have enjoined man to show kindness to his parents, for his mother bears him in hardship upon hardship, and it takes two years to wean him. give thanks to Me and your parents. All will return to Me. 29:15 but if they press you to associate something with me which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. yet be kind to them in this world and follow the path of those who turn to Me. 

the 1ness is central to the scientific path of spirituality. this clarity is exposed, made clear through quiet contemplation, reflection in/on nature. shhhh... this understanding comes from Guidance. our parents serve as immediate guides and in no way should ever be condescended on. instead they should be loved, respected, listened to, taken care of. the contention should eschew excuse to misbehave/mistreat those who have ushered us into being, into adulthood. 

as luqman instills in his son the lessons of this path of surrendering to 1ness, he emphasizes this lesson of kindness to guardians, parents, elders, the community, others...

31:17 o my dear son! say your prayers regularly, enjoin good and forbid evil, and endure patiently whatever may befall you.....31:18 .....and do not walk with pride on the earth, for behold, ALLAH does not love arrogant and boastful people. 

these lessons provide guidance and a value system that lies in a stark contrast to the rebel culture of do you, i do me, f everyone else who isn't me. ultimately, scientifically, this is self-destrucitve, as it causes the inability of the body to recognize self; and in the process of what the body believes to be carrying out as homeostasis, it attacks itself. this is called auto-immune disease. 

we, of the taker culture, in both west and east, north and south, are in a state of auto-immune-disease - aids. 

the importance of this value, of this truth - 31:30 because ALLAH is the Truth - is that interdependence is not an act of altruism, benevolence, charity, but a necessity to homeostasis, balance.

31:28 Creating and resurrecting all of you is like creating and resurrecting a single soul.

hence the One-ness, hence the need for us to figure it out together, to go beyond the liberal notion of to each's own. we are each others keeper and need to figure it out, and the greatest step we can take is coming together in community, through the act of Surrendering to the One-ness, by way of dedicated worship in all acts...all praise is due...

31:33 ...let not worldy life beguile you, nor the deceiver deceive you concerning ALLAH.  31:34 Truly ALLAH alone has knowledge of the hour. ALLAH sends down the rain and knows what is in the wombs. no soul knows what it will bear tomorrow and no soul knows in which land s/he will die. surely ALLAH is all knowing, all aware. 

surah 30: al rum: the romans

the romans will regain power soon, the surah, al rum, begins with. this is decreed, as a revelation from ALLAH, the One, because ALLAH, knows all. 

this resinstallation of ego-power will also cause rejoice among believers. why? why would the hold, grip, takeover of imperialism lead to rejoice among believers. we are in the age of rome. re-rome. ancient cultures, and civilizations of humility, of surrender are being decimated, just as this intitative of neo-plague began over five centuries ago, during the inquisition of spain and tne search for reources as derived from the resource deprived lands of europe. this lead to the re-emergence of the prokaryote of european colonialism, into the emergence of conquest and dis-ease into epidemic portions. the prokaryote cutltures grew both in their search and destroy (the precursor of the modern babylon frequenceis found in the angst, nihilsim, materialsim search for self-propogation of heavy metal, thrash, hip hop, pop, etc music).

the bacterial vampiric apporach is not restricted to a people, nor a continent, but can be found in lands throughout the world and throughout history. they have emerged as brown skinned like me, black as ebony, white as chalk, pink as pig. rome is a state of mind, a way of being, that is carcinogenic, and is less penetrable among cultures of Soul/Surrender, and more prevalent in ego-based individualist driven cultures. hence it is more vast in certain regions and less in others. 

rome has been resurrected...this is the sign...al rum goes into signs for people who will think. the signs, all the signs to believe, to surrender to enjoin this path of surrender are available in nature. nature provides all the signs there are to know. ture knowledge (gnosis) is in the knowing of what is provided, of reading the signs. the signs are the deserts and the plains, the cows and the ants, the spider and the webs, the grass and the dunes, the crops and the droughts. 

reincarnation, birth, death, and rebirth can be understood not as a spook mystical phenomenon to be wowed by like zeus and poseidon warring and causing thunder. the path of surrender is science, is the mathematics of mysticism, not a horoscope or the awe of talking about mercury in retrograde as a way to rationalize your woes. study mercury for real, and the signs will reveal themselves. reincarnation, in this sense, is not just a speculation, nor a topic of identity politics, but observable in nature. the apple falls from the tree, becomes part of the soil, becomes roots, trunk, branches, fruit. watch and observe. we can add a spook dimension to add excitement, if it will make you feel better. 

all there is to know, surah 30 teaches us, is observable in the Creation, and in being so, we should submit, because the surrender will align us with the energy of impermanence, will dissolve us into the Great Harmony. otherwise we stay stuck on the cycle of anitchya, duka, amatiya. 

surah 29: the spider

29:41 those who take protectors other than ALLAH, are like the spider who builds a cobweb; the frailest of all structures, if they but knew it...

what are you seeking protection from?

...for me, this desire to continue, to achieve, to manifest this purpose seems to be about a future and not in the now; the Doing seems to occur on the dimension of a future time...when? 

the idea of purpose itself is just that, an idea. it is an aspiration, the happening occurs in the work, in the struggle, in the doing. 

i have been casting a web of dreams, of a community that will arise. this purpose becomes shadowed by the web of future. 

i've been placing great stakes in the future...when is it? how will it be? graduation, prom, birthdays...they all happen, happened...and passed. for some of you: you have had weddings, anniversaries, retirements. those moments came and left. 

you were planning a huge picnic, trip, cross country, Europe, india. it happened. now what? a cooking retreat, an allbum, a camera, laptop you wanted to purchase, a nutriton program in the west coast. those great moments are everything that proceeds it. mother's day, father's day, valentines,  illustrate this. 

loving your amma abba, intimate other, is in the present. the  love, the work in actualizing this love,  are in the day to day, in the present, in the constant reminder, the dikr, the worship of All of ALLAH's creation, as ALLAH is all there is. the purpose you aspire to happens in being that aspiration, so there is a non-duality, and this happens in both the gravity you place and humility you work with in the worship...

the prophet reminded us that work is worship, to die before you die, this happens, he said, through associating with those you aspire to be like. the prophet laid forth the plan, the vision. 

the prophet muhammad laid forth, built, sacred communities, centered around worship in food, in building families, in having families come together to bow down, to hold each other accountable, to seek and build on knowledge, as a process of growing in worship and the balance of health, and to be fearless in every step of the way. this seeking of knowledge will manifest as a myriad, a mosaic in a community of various spirits, in which each member's talents are deeply sought and part of a contribution to the whole: the painter, the welder, the architect, the builder, the imam, the medicine man...

29: do you think saying i believe is enough? ALLAH knows all.

there are many in the world, close to a fifth of the human population, who fall under the nomiker of muslim - surrenderer. there are many who carry this title and prostrate to capital, to profit, to greed. in that sense, they are surrenderers of hustle, of wants, of material, of complacency, of desire, of ego, of nafs. yet and still, somehow, and in some way, this path may help them. so, the name may help breed a consciousness. it may not. 

seems like the spider lays out how there is more to a path than a name, then an outfit. back in the day, for me and some of my friends, being a revolutionary meant wearing fatigues, army jackets and checkered scarves that blended with crisp jeans and timberlands. our che and fidel and malcolm and subhash chandra bose, and mukti bahini, were a walk down the cat walk of the subways and blocks and meetings and parties and outdoor concerts we attended. there's more to revolution, to real transformation, be it polticial or spiritual, then a look.

this moving past maya, this going beyond a title, this practice of surrender beyond rote and evidence of tradition, is essential to our growth, because it serves us in a much deeper way.

29: whoever strives, strives for himself - ALLAH is independent of His Creation. 

essential to the process of spirituality is struggle. the nominal, those on the surface, seek complacency. nothing is got so easily. health requires work. the work involves struggle. but neither are bad. neither are painful. they feel it because we like the remote control. 

i'll tear the house upside down before i get up and physically change a channel. need that remote. we want what's easy. what's easy doesnt serve us. health requires movement, requires work, stretch, physical exercise of the body - this may happen through farming, building, creating, or it may happen through jogging, dance, etc.

work leads us to a deeper place, and the work never ends. at first, and every day there is that at first, there may be a sense of i'll just skip it today, there may be a dread, but that subsides during the course of practice, as the work deepens and the sweat oozes out in bursts, until a downour. the baptism happens in the finish. and then all over again. the end never ends. 

ALLAH is that which cannot be created nor destoryed, no beginning no end. we are all a part of what comprises this infinite spirit...but if ALLAH is indpenedent of us, why would we need to strive? for who? for what? for the balance of life, for the next generation, for the reincarnation into and away from the karma that keeps us stuck in the whell of mundane existence. 

29;10 some profess to believe in God, but when they suffer in the cause, they confuse the persectuion of man for the persectuion of God.

we are quick to say all praise is due - alhamdulillah - when things are good, when things work in our favor. but what if they are unfavorable? this is the true test. but: what if sweatshop? crazy boss, oppresive family relations, despotic disrespectfu neighbors? then all praise is due for the opp to get deeper, to go beyond the violence. this is observable. 

the path of surrender is a science. it is a spiritual science. spirituality is a science. the truth is at once subjective and objective. it is where individual experience of a planet, is met with an elliptical orbit. destiny and volition. 

because we are often in spaces of confusion, of lacking clarity on what to do, what we should do in different situations, we go with our senses, we go with repression, we go with indvidual desire. but truth is, there is a course to the orbit, and neither repression, nor individual desire, will get us there. 

29:18 if you reject the truth, other communities before you have also rejected the truth. the messengers job is only to covey the message clearly.

the enlightened, those who've managed to completely surrender, who've given their soul body mind and heart over to the Essence, they have brought forth messages, prescriptions, of a course of action that is malleable, that exist like any scientific or mathematic rule. they are principles and these principles can be derived at after pages upon pages of problem solving, or after a couple lines....

you, my, our rejection, is nothing new. our forefathers have practiced rejection. we have examples in history. nothing new. we have examples throughout time of good and evil, of greed, lust for power, materialists, rationalizers, and conversely, also of Lovers, the humble, the diligent in building community, the caretakers...most of us exhibit tendencies of both, like colors - shades of grey. the goal is to reach, to aspire, through struggle, through not just the words of the messenger, but the dna of their actions, the example they've left behind.

29:20 tell them: roam the earth and see how ALLAH originated creation. Then ALLAH will bring into being your second life.

this is one of the secrets of the Qur'an. to me it is. the language is simple. the request is authentic. and the truth made clear: observe nature; spend time in nature. 

29: abraham said: you have taken up the worship of idols instead of God to promote friendship amongst yourselves in the present life. 

and, ALLAH reminds us, earlier in this passage: You have no friend or helper besides ALLAH

all will pass. all life comes to a pass, as part of the very definition of life as change. 

is there anything you have ever seen that is not subject to change? these past 10 years i've seen many family friends pass on - aunties, uncles, cousins...tears were shed...with time they are a memory and a part of our fabric, but we continue. somehow. 

i have seen able bodied become disabled, the strong become weak, with age, with the passing of time, with accidents, the accumulation of poor dietary choices, with the ptsd of institutional racism, xenophobia, islamophobia, third-class-citizenism. 

in times of doubt, there will be times of doubt, use the prescriptions the great medicine man, the prophet. 

29:45 recite what has been revealed to you and pray regularly. surely prayer protects one from indecency and evil, and rememberance of ALLAH is greater. 

rememberance, humility, keeps us humble, keeps us constantly in a state of worship. the mevlevi order, the followers of sheik jallaluddin rumi, practice whirling. they become dervishes. what does it mean to whirl? 

to whirl is to circumambulate the kaaba, the kaaba is the house of adam, it is is the atom, and we particiapte in becoming the parts of the atom during hajj...this process synchopates us with the divine energy...the dervishes whirl does the same. 

the dervish whirls around the centerpiece, the heart, the heart is the only part of our body that is naturally in rhythmicity, in tune with the percussion of the Universe, and as a result, other parts of our body pulse. where does this rhythm come from? this percussion is in tune with the Great Harmony. 

remember, fulfilling purpose is the act of falling into surrender, hence the prescriptions, lest we forget, lest we leave room for our egos to crawl forth like bacteria and colonize our minds...for it cannot colonize the soul...lest we grow distracted and head towards the path of attachments to that which isn't real...we are afterall running our hands through water....time and space...

to grow in the prescriptions, seek a teacher, a mentor, one who is humble, one who is a real doer, seek out the books, the sum total. read scripture. 

scripture is a pre-requsiite to the practice of medicine in the tradition. my dada, the medicine man, like most of the medicine men i've come across in India, bangladesh, are versed in scripture. 

29:46.Say: we believe in what has been revealed to you and what has been revealed to us. Our God and yours are one and the same

ALLAH requires us to go beyond even the names that we have for the One, they are unimportant. What is important is to worship. This happens through Love, humility, work.

work, be purposeful in the work. go beyond the emotion. witness the ego's repsonse to situations, to words, to acceptance, rejection, and go beyond it. go beyond by staying focused on Purpose. your purpose is why you are here. it is more than career, subsistence, babylon-status/success. work...the work happens through meditation, prayer, dikr...