...almost wrote 2016... and when i went to record that... almost wrote 2015... lose track sometimes... years slip like water in cayuga lake,... like it feels and forget i was ever holding it... and where you ever really here?... you... i mean you...
...all praise is due for those who practice discipline, who move with ethics... as the world suffers from people whose hearts have grown cold... who oeprate from desire, from nihilism, from taste buds, from strictly senses... from fame, rep, appearances...
...and we... and me... i get glimpses... like today... when i was impatient with my dad... one of my greatest mentor in this life... a humble, beautiful writer, activist, journalist, self-less in his pursuits, and deeply committed to family and responsibility and civic duty... wow... that's my dad... and i can't believe that i would've ever wanted him to be cool... to be disengaged, to move with his pelvis and not his heart... like so many of us men...
...this past month i intended to pay mind to repetition, as i was repeating things i didn't know i was, and not repeating things i wondered about... about why they weren't happening... and my word was you are what you repeat... so what are you repeating?...
...repetitions that felt good was asana practice, siesta, journaling, reading, cooking... and i realized that within repetition there was repetition... deeper nuances... for instance... there were times during my yoga practice felt blah... when i didn't feel full.... didn't feel Higher... and in these practices, i noticed i wasn't putting my all into it... that i was just going through time... same with cooking - instead of just making oats, going through a relationship with the oats, of how i was preparing it... of what to try to go deeper, to build on it... like asana sequence in ashtanga... perhaps the oatmeal cookie comes after the oatmeal, and the oatmeal cake after that, and...
...i was able to apply this to asana... with the question of what are you afraid of and what am i repeating...?...
...noticed that i was repeating trying to do many different things at once... and when i multi-tasked, i felt compromised, didn't go deep with anything... kind of like trying to carry 30 bags of groceries cause i want it all... so... i was repeating multi-tasking... like being in an asana, and trying to type... and i realized that i would rather just do that one thing... thus applying do one thing at a time... and single-minded focus... and repeating this will habituate it...
...so i was combining do one thing... go deeper with what are you afraid of... and single minded focus = success, with repetition... and this led to depth in the things i was doing... including eating... just eating, and not writing, or being on a screen in the process...
...i noticed that i was saying how i don't want to be on a screen too late, and yet would get on my laptop after dinner still... so i noticed i was repeating things that were harming my circadian rhythm...
...i noticed i was getting up late and sleeping real late... when i want to wake early...
...so this leads to now... this month... what is not serving me is misaligned values with actions/practices...
...that is... if i believe in my self... and what i have to offer... not because it is about me, but because i've spent much of my life doing things and not sharing it with anyone... writing novels... studying herbs and bodywork, and nutrition... and deep yoga practice... and journaling daily... and not sharing this... and not doing so because of perfectionism... and thinking i would do it at some future time... and avoiding it, because it isn't just right... or that i don't know business... or thinking in terms of business and not the fact that i have been helped by these things... and you can be too... and its worth putting it out there to support you and me in being better and having a conversation through it... instead of not doing anything at all...
...so letting go of this... by building on repetition... and feeding the wolf i want to grow... and doing this by coming up with just a few mantras that allow me to manifest truth... that i repeat not just in words but embody... like 99% practice...
...so instead of repeating i am not good at business... and by way of letting go of no one will want this... or that i need this first... i will do because it needs doing... and i spent a lifetime acquiring... and now it's time for me to share...
...i help you to Love yourSelf so you can offer your Love to the world...
...Lif is a Gift...
