...7 of pentacles... 10.28.19...

...divinity... holy... heaven... islam... these are some of the associations with the number 7... when i was coming up... dudes from the 5 percenters... an off shoot of the nation of islam used to rock varsity jackets with the number 7 on the back, surrounded by stars and the word ALLAH... so 7 could also be a search for greater, Higher Truth... inshALLAH...

...on day 5000 of this journey... of being in this space ship that constantly  changes... of being within the quantum realm of here and not here... i recognize the impact the mundane has on me... and at once how central You Are... how i consider You often... weigh you... but lacking in regards to being in dikr... a constant state of reminder... as those who forget ALLAH forget themselves... according to the Qur'an... makes sense...

...the mundane... pentacles... earth... grounded... grounding... virgos... rooted... uprooted a coupla days ago... wisdom tooth yanked out... neanderthal style... students and chest-beating doctors taking shots at me... seeing who has a bigger thing... pulling out and beating off in front of the chick doc who held the only nourishing hand... less distracted by them and more engaged in the process of the Work...

...i Love that in people... and when i witness it in myself - Being engaged in Work... their Work Guiding them... i believe that... let Your Work Guide You... inshALLAH...

...perhaps this is the merging point between 7 and pentacles... getting grounded in Your Work... as my brother nam constantly reminds me of in recent days - fumble forward... and when you do... Amazing... Amazing things will happen...

...perhaps the 7 of pentacles... of the marriage of divine with mundane in my recent Work has kept me attractive to the women i've been Connecting with recently... as i ride on my path... and when/if our paths cross/merge... we dance together... towards...

...in the rider waite card of 7 of pentacles we see a man leaning into his shovel... as if in a moment of pause... reflecting... breathing in the efforts of his Work... the fruits they bear... his reap from what he has sown... they are beautiful and shining... what is it that you are sowing...?... planting...?... what seeds do you carry?...

...you are what you repeat... what are you repeating?...

...today i carry the seeds of yoga... of cosmos... of Connecting with Self through scorpio... through writing... through tarot... through flirting... through pause... taking it in breath... Loving... fully... considering what the Lover what do at every step and walking into the sweat labor all of this Purpose requires... 

...full moon check in...

... hey You... You...

...You...

...20 october 2019... returned from p.a... and young j asked me about my intentions for this month... how it was going... forgot that we said we would check in w each other about our intentions periodically... we did...

...it made me consider...recall my intentions for the month - to fumble forward... where?/how?... by way of holding clinic... by being clear and working towards Purpose... my Purpose... my offerings to you and you and you... through goals in writing... holding clinic... housing... a Lover...

...held clinic this past weekend... asked o.g.d to see him... work on him... in place of him paying for me to do landmark... i had my breakthrough - that i can keep consuming course after course and unless i integrate and work... Work... then stuck... so i Worked... he agreed... Worked on him... Worked on his employee... cooked for him... did his bodywork treatments... made medicine for him... heard him out... ideally i would've cooked for multiple people... this way the medicine i made and food i made was in batches... was reminded to make strategic collaborations - yoga studios who need ayurvedic practitioners in which we do a percentage share...

...there's a why of course... why do i want to do this?... hmmm... is it about others or me?... hmmm... the why is that i want you to Love yourself and you can't unless you get the junk out... the junk is beliefs and the physiological placement of those beliefs... so You can be a 100 for others... so the Real why is to support you and me to Connect to Self... so we could get past the lies that keep use from shining our Light...

...in housing... spent several hours looking at spots... and listened to some useful talks on guesthousing... air bnbing... working towards a holistic health yoga/ayurveda/sufi guesthouse experience...

...in writing... just came from another writing workshop... considering and integrating suspense... goals... obstacles model from workshop from last month... completed a rough outline for revising my work... so all praise is due...

...in Connecting with Lover... i believe this will become more clear as i Am offering my Work... and the channel for this is becoming clear... all praise is due... the clearer you can be about your offering the more crystal clear it will be to others...

...full moon intention oct 13th 2019...

...in the name of ALLAH...

...this month i fumble forward towards my goals... with single minded focus and commitment... no wavering... committing fully... and accepting the consequences... going with it... being okay with the outcomes... not getting caught up in detail that prevents me from doing anything at all...

...goals i am fumbling forward towards... holding clinic/offering medicine - seeing clients to support their health through ayurvedics... and yoga... bodywork... nutrition... herbs... - need to be clear about what i'm offering... need to look at models that are out there... the youtube and instagram reflective of this...

...fumbling towards housing - getting a spot - making it Work... committing to it... it reflecting dream...

...fumbling towards Lover - through my Work... through doing the Work... through offering my Work... through getting in front of others... through courses that grow me -but this time - me offering it... the youtube and instagr reflective of this...

...fumbling towards completing this book... revising it, getting it peer reviewed, edited, and to an agent...

...that's it... 

...full moon reflection... walking back...

...in the name of ALLAH... the Most Compassionate... the Most Merciful... who did i help today?... j... he had a pinched nerve... school in bx... with their need for restoration... listened and offered strategies... to younger j... with an ear... conversations... was kind to family and friends...

...walking back... i was in similar dilemma with every one else i met... what to do...?... do it different... have a place... do what would be fulfilling... put it out there...

...walking back... ended up in cafe... long... chilled... talked... didn't make moves... how could it have been different... fumbling forward...

...lil homie j said that his sis gets a lot of work from clients simply through word of mouth... she doesn't use an instagram accnt, or a youtube accnt to get clients... but she does the work... what is the work you are doing?... want to be doing... isn't it funny that you are coming to this question again... again and again....

...again i am hanging with her... again in the space of being in want... but different this time... this time i asked what the Lover would do to help me... this time i Loved... listened... was vulnerable...

...i did that today... when j told me he had some neck pain... heard it first... listened... mad e a suggestion... then asked myself what the Lover would do... voice said to go buy some oil... to give him the treatment he needs...

...where am i a medicine man?... where do i offer my services...?... where do i teach yoga?... people have been asking...

...walking back i realized that i was working in circles... that in attempting to create this youtube channel... i was doing it like before... just focused on detail and beauty... like the films i've made... focused on the aesthetic... focused on trying to look good... like volumes in jungle book... focused on how the words look... like standing in front of the mirror for hours... focused on looking a part...

...looking back on this... i realize that part of the anchors... yoga... keeps me from putting too much time into looking... and more into Being... into Being winter or summer or astrological or walking with my grave... looking back... this is an accomplishment...

...looking back on my writing process... again... i am caught on trying to get it right... instead of revising to put out to share... with that said... one growth has been seeking wisdom... reaching above my comfort zone in writing... in Reaching just above... in trying... in flowing...

...looking back... i stayed away from making commitments till the 11th hour... did that again today... this week... with the writing thing this weekend... instead of being decisive... lesson... be decisive... commit... what's coming up that you could be decisive in...?... getting a spot... committing to it... air bnbing it... committing to this...

...looking back... i've taken... consumed classes... with no purpose... with not using it - 16mm film class... cpr class... new school... elederberry school... etc... how are you integrating... actively using what you spent borrowed time doing...?... what would it look like?... an active practice somewhere... and videos and everything else only in relation to this... the Work will get you the Work... do the Work...

...commit to a place... space... Work... do it because it is needed... based on people you are seeing... not because you have a product to sell... take the feedback you have been getting from people... smack taking meat off his diet... a n a going mostly vegetarian... not because i shared with them the importance of fiber and digestive health... but because they did the research themselves...

...walking back... like the short videos i am working on now... here are a thousand journal entries for me... for no one else... with no benefit to anyone else... and here i am... doing it again... here... in this cafe... instead of doing my practice... instead of offering tarot therapy... readings... herbs... smokes... teachings... community building...

...lesson: make offerings... do offerings... spend your time in offerings... instead of just yourself... yoga as an offering... high frequency cooking as an offering...

...lesson... instead of consuming... invest... in your path... i.e yoga... i.e. writing... that will grow you deeper... as you fumble forward... try... take risks towards... instead of taking classes... instead of being a consumer... instead of another degree in writing... write and put your work out there brother man... get it out... put the album out and get the feedback...

...the question returns... what is my Work?... this again is in the lessons from the walking back - a repetition - the mantra of perfectionism... procrastination... paralysis...

...my Work is to heal people... through bodywork, oils, medicine making... Connecting with the seasons...

...Connect to Self is what i embody... something i am aspiring to... but people need bread... healing... who will benefit seek out Connect to Self... kids... self help community... those wanting to grow deeper in Self Love... who will Connect to yogi medicine man... those who seek services in healing... through yoga... who want to heal through yoga and ancient medicine...

...five of pentacles... 10.8.19...

...where do you feel your lacking?... what is the voice that is cautious saying...?... the one that is in woe-is-me?... what are your holding tight for?... what would happen if you let go and trusted...?...

...the more you believe that there is scarcity the more you operate from a place of scarcity... and the continuum of life will tell you - ALLAH is Infinite...

...the # 5 has a level of sanctity in my experience on this path...

...i understand 5 to be a number of completion... in a phase... in a cycle... as is represented through the 5 daily anchors of salat (Connection)... in islam... and echoed again in the 5 tenets to live by in islam... prayer, fasting, giving part of your income back to the community, pilgrimage to re-enact the biological structure of life - the atom - in the nucleus of mecca... and bearing witness to the Truth that there is no one but One (ALLAH = 1ness)...

...in traditional ancient south-asian medicine (ayurveda)... there are 5 elements...

...5 as a cycle in the mundane - pentacles - signifies your completion through your day... having completed your responsibilities in the day to day... what are these for you?... for me it is morning rituals - making my bed, dental hygeine, a drink for agni, salat... and then asana... then making and eating breakfast... then dental hygeine... then rest and digest... then shower and dress... then fragrance... then go about my duties...

...5 of pentacles is an investment... once you've gotten it... you have the caliber necessary for the next step... what's next for you?...

...in the image of tarot... there is a young man on a crutch... appearing to be panhandling... asking the woman with the shawl for change, as she rushes by him... in the process he seems to overlook the fact there is a window of pentacles/wealth right behind him... the stained glass window of the church... divinity... there is divinity here... ALLAH is Infinite... the perception of this man of himself is he is broke, poor... and he seeks from others who are scraping by... when the wealth has been there all the time... all he needed to do was surrender to it... lean back into the space... just as yoga and meditation and pranayama and travel and writing and music and cooking and community have all been there... you just need to walk into these spaces...

...3 of cups...

...3... a 2 dimensional pyramid... 3... tri- .... the basic unit of a family - man woman child...

...the ankh represents life... the ancient eguptian symbol for the 3 points that comprise the nucleus of a family - man woman child...

...cups bear water... emotion... feeling... flow or stagnation will result in different states...

...wands transform... pentacles ground... swords fly...

...3 cups of emotions... family... celebration... togetherness...

...3 women gather and celebrate...

...who lifts you up?... what parts of your life works in correspondence with other parts of you to lift you?... that is how are you integrating one part with another...?...

...i learned plot structures the other day... cool... how am i integrating it...?...