...in the name of ALLAH...

...Always... it was Always You... then why do i forget?...

...if i know this isn't it... if i know this is just a moment... if i know that everything passes... if i know those i was intimate with... if i know that our levels of connectivity changed... if i know that the initial electricity became diffused... that our feelings changed... that no one but One... that we are no longer together... that u n me began and ended... then you... n butterflies... n then jealousy... n then apathy... n then game over... n then you... and wow... and man... n damn this is different... then gone... then you... and the tension... and the once in a while... and then connecting here and there... and wanting to fit you in... to make you mine... but you refused... and sadness... and frustration... and myopia... and then gone... and...

...time happens... and everything changes... jivamukti closed.. and i say la illaha illala... and another day gone... cause yesterday i was just trying to make it... yesterday i was just hoping the yoga and the culinary... and the siesta and shower... and journaling would keep anchored enough to keep from falling into the cracks... hitting the broken... floating in a 140 proof... tom and i didn't leave in time...

...but the why remains... and i would tell you if you told me this... to breathe... to be fearless... to embrace the discomfort... to let go of the ego... the complacency... the image... to call or text... if its fear of rejection if its wanting to save face... to build appearances... but to not call if this is the discomfort... to wanting to know... to seeking affection... to Know You Are Enough... as You Are in All... and through Loving ALL i find You... and through embracing individuals... idolize...

...so?... so be okay with being with you... with yourself... with yourSelf... Love... cry... be vulnerable...

...the most challenging times have been those most rewarding - deeply honest... and facing the consequence - and letting myself go through it... sis fr uptown... sis fr n.j... the homie t...

...roll with honesty... see what comes... stay focused on the Work... inshALLAH... 

...instead...

...there's this... but then... that... which one...?... what you choose is essentially both and all... how?...

...if it is a decision between hanging out with a new friend, or an old friend, or attending an event, or staying home. or hitting a cafe... whichever you decide to go with means you've also chosen not to do the others... i.e. tonight i chose cafe over an event... over staying at home... over hanging with a friend... etc... this means i chose not to do the other things...

...choosing not to is a good thing... it keeps you within bounds... the challenge is when you want to do all of it... and you try... as i have... many times... and in the process... not getting deep with any of it... nyc... cities... train us for this... suburbs are the opposite... train you not to do anything... to grow fat and sedentary...

...in between there is village... being village as verified by the ancient ways... cultures devoted to spirit... where illustration sculpture writing all were in devotion to the One... this breadth provides clues to being village... into how to move... and even in babylon this becomes possible through principles... as has been my understanding of the teachings of the prophet muhammad...

...jesus moved with compassion... being like jesus for me means being compassionate... the prophet teaches us to anchor our days with Connecting to that which is Always... by becoming One through practicing nothingness... what does it mean to become nothing?... to give up... give it up... let go... arms up without a public enemy symbol on my back...

...instead of going to nutrition school at this moment... instead of jumping into the next thing... i am in single minded focus towards building the school community ashram house... a space of Love... devotion... spirituality... religion... ancient ways...

...single minded focus... one step at a time... 

...full moon feb 2020...

...winter... cold... dry... icy... mild... coffee shops.. the coffee house... north side social... d.c. virginia...  reflect on the reflections from last month over turmeric chai latte... in my fast...

...in the name of ALLAH...

...last month... leave the nest... this month... inshALLAH...

...the nest is still inhabited... the stuck present... some faint attempts made... what will it take?... to create the circumstance... today is d's bday... blessings...

...shout out to...

...east side... eastern... northern lights... pyramids... her... you... lets go...

...Create... creation... created...

...what didn't work about it...?... lack of aim... shooting everywhere... not taking shots... everything at once... want it all... a pattern...

...pattern is geometrics... geometry... space centers and dialogue in outer space...

...taking tests...

...tested... test me... Work... with worship...

...getting clear about my aim... what am i aim at?...

...shot through the heart...

...you can be a passive recipient... or play... take a shot... are you shooting?...

...what is my aim?... until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior... music... through music social justice... revolution...

...yoga... through yoga... demands... social justice... rights... fairness... Love... peace... no more war... stop bombing syria, and somalia and libya, and afghanistan, and kashmir, and royhinga...

...the aim is good over evil... is to shoot... target... the bulls eye... good over evil...

...the target... what is the aim... ?... be clear about your aim... this month i gain clear aims and shoot...

...eve of 02.02.20...

...saturday...cafe... you are beside me in bed in the subway... at the bar... when he goes to the bathroom... in the temple... mosque... your body... forest... reading this... making due with doing to do lists that you step all over and give up on before bullet journaling... before evernote... before... somethings got to give...

...what does progress mean to you?... look like...?... how have you progressed?... how have you remained stagnant... ?... what keeps you there?...

...cigarette break... watch you through smoke... through standing and making films of your life... a storyline that plays out in several nanonano seconds before she passes by and takes over... before i hear my name... my mothers voice... my mothers hands becoming papyrus... how?.. .when?...

...i'm getting old she says... i remain the same... still...

...tried this method and that... greg calls me a rolling stone... unable to stay in one place... but i'd like to... i'd like to anchor somewhere... all of us...

...isn't it wild that babylon trains us to be separate? individualistic... that community happens through consumerism... the moment you can't afford that matcha... you can't come in... the moment you can't afford that apartment... you will be outside of that neighborhood... interacting with those in your circles... becoming macbeth...

...progress would look like a commitment to a living situation and in turn everywhere else and everything else... if there were no clips to these wings... i may be traveling right now... i may be in thailand... in india... i may be making a home for myself somewhere in montreal... i like the cold... did i tell you... keeps me alert...

...a person of cosmos... i stay clear of boxes... of being defined victimized identified identifying with... and i love that we learned to love ourselves... whoever you are... i love that i accept and Love my features and skin and yours...

...you too... huh?... what if i told you...

...home is a n a... n cb... n family... n right... about babylon...

...violence... it reigns... where does it stem from?... separation?...

..we are raised to be separate... to be apart...

...you know this... me too...

...what am i doing about it?... you?...

...in the name of... the Most Compassionate...

...progress...