bismilliah. in the name of ALLAH. in the name of all that is in the sky and below ground. all that is seen and unseen - macro biology and micro biology - all that is observable to the gross eye, and all that remains hidden to the naked eye.
i haven't known anyone to return from the dead. i cannot speak to heaven or hell. i've known Love. i've hidden in the folds of my ammu's sari when the world seemed to rain comets. i've been under the storm and dragged my feet home in tatters.
heaven and hell. yin and yang. night and day. heru set, al and lah. devil and angel. who are we humans? where do we fall in the spectrum? according to patanjali's yoga sutra's we are all of it, we embody every element of the cosmos - the periodic table that chemists study to extract drugs, all exist in our body: o h c k ga ti sm pm...
"lo! in the difference of day and night and all that ALLAH hath created in the heavens and the earth are portents..." (x: 7).
surah x reminds us of learning from history, of going beyond the ephemeral of this moment, of this joy and pain, of paying heed to signs - "He it is who appointed the sun a splendour and the moon a light, and measured for her stages, that ye may know the number of years, and the reckoning" (x: 6).
surah x reminds us of not just taking note of these signs but of letting them guide us, of learning from the ways of those who have come before us, those who have succeeded from belief, those like the people of jonah: "if only there had been a community that believed and profited by its belief as did the folk of jonah! when they believed, we drew off from them the torment of disgrace in the life of the world and gave them comfort for a while" (x: 99).
i often wonder about this. i often wonder how far my meditations and prayers will bring me, if it will carry me through this chapter of city living that has been endless, that sometimes feels like the babylon-systems war on so-called terror - a no end in sight - four walls closing in.
"and moses said: o Lord! lo! Thou hast given pharaoh and his chiefs splendour and riches in the life of the world, our Lord that they may lead men astray from Thy way" (x:89) i can see the lesson inherent in the proofs that are brought through in these anecdotes of the struggles of messengers of the past - "and for every nation there is a messenger" (x: 48) - messengers like abu taher of the faction of mukti bahini who fought for a socialist revolution in bangladesh, of el hajj malik el shabazz who brought forth the dichotomy of a minority white rule in a majority darker hued world, of john afrika and huey newton and harriet tubman and the mirabella sisters and pablo albizu campos and ibn arabi and the teachings of noah and john brown...
the monied, whether they be black as blue or white as chalk or pink as pig, like pharaoh find a way to rationalize their lust for more. somehow, their money is a curse, i can see that. but being of the subject class, of the humiliated class, brings forth a challenge.
money, and the security that seems to stem from it, is afterall insecure, is relative and ephemeral and the search for this security underlines a belief, and if not a belief, a practice, in worship, in worshipping that which will bring forth security in this realm, in placing credence in this to accomplish, as my my scraping friends and i speak of often - economic liberation.
can wall street get us freedom?
no, my friends with money will say as they live large on eating out five meals a day, globe trot like they were 100 feet tall running the planet like a basketball player.
yes, my friends without have been saying. this way we don't have to worry about rent and bills and lights going off all the time.
seems like there's a thin line between the lights of con ed and the lights of kanye's all of the lights - fast cars, shooting stars, until it's vegas everywhere we are.
does all this talk about money, about the suit for the wedding and the wedding band and the five star spectacles and the resumes and coverletters and grant applications begin to replace Essence? "and set thy purpose resolutely for religion, as a man by nature upright, and be not of those who ascribe partners" (x: 106).
does money become our idol of worship? our god, our ism? capital - ism. do u believe?
does money become our idol of worship? our god, our ism? capital - ism. do u believe?
does this process of the money hunt do something to us? where, instead of yoga and meditation, i am spending hours on the net tryna figure out how i could reach the goals maino set forth - dollar bill y'all, lotta bills y'all, this year i'm tryna touch me a mill y'all.
ya, i could understand that, the crew says, i say, i sing along every morning like a mantra. am i tuning into some kind of frequency that is of another god? have i begun bowing, even if resentfully, begrudgingly? am i bowing to wall street?
i wonder if my belief in the Essence, in knowing truth to be change, to be beyond this moment, this body, these sense organs and senses, even beyond this mind, if this belief, if this utter prostration (islam) to this understanding will get me through another year of job rejections, of counting dollars against bills, of forgoing social activities, of seeing soul in wolves i know wearing sheepskin and eckhart tolle quotes.
i wonder if my mother is job and my father jonah. i wonder how belief, how meditation, that of the dalai lama's breath control, would work in rikers, in sing-sing, in fulsom. i wonder how ticht na hans' walking meditations would work in 40 houses/ bailey projects - southside jamaica, queens, and it's crazy, cause i'm still hood, hollywood couldn't change me - niki minaj tells us.
i wonder, as my tribe, jeremiah, greg... is hurting now, after the series of tragic-deaths in this new year - rest in peace, rest in peace, rest in peace - will he/they ascend in understanding of the transience of it all. the blessing of the funeral we all attended 2 weeks ago was that it brought us together, it drew a humility, a reminder of another moment in this manifestation, another opportunity to reach Higher - "and cry not beside ALLAH, unto that which cannot profit thee nor hurt thee (x: 107). afterall, "if ALLAH afflicteth thee with some hurt, there is none who can remove it save Him (x: 108)
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