full moon dec. 25th 2015, letting go and manifesting for a new sun cycle

saw it through the thick of fog, beyond the clouds, obese with global warming sweat and tears.

christmas day. nyc -> baltimore.

know cities. city like skin, like leprosy.

astoria, crown heights, forte green, jackson heights, flushing, east ny, harlem, south bronx, parkchester, stapleton, l.e.s, sunnyside, south philly, west philly, downtown baltimore, dhaka, kannur, ayanthole, trivandrum, bangalore, southeast portland, east l.a. south central l.a., santa monica...

full moon on the day of the symbolic birth of jesus, born in palestine on the christian calendar date of : 0000.

in the path of surrender to the Source of Peace (islam), we are taught, by way of our teachers...

...the gurus - himalaya, grand canyon, pacific/arabian ocean, banyans and bristlecone pine, heru, ra, krsna, gautama, moses, jesus, muhammad - have taught muslims (those who surrender to the Source of Peace) - that which is scientifically observable through the empiricism of eyes and ears, stargazing, and molecules - ALLAH has no beginning, no end.

drove on the day of three kings...with two kings and a queen - the royal family i was born into, tethered by economic blues for centuries.

tore her up. the hybrid that sucks gas and battery like a drone shooting like a star sitting in sky like a hummingbird, dropping like a food-poisoned pigeon with the runs. droppings with bullseyes on men and women covered by garbs of humility, beads of prayers.

death is everywhere. drones like big white santa dropping kalshnikovs in boxes wrapped with brand name cool - freedom - for both sides - gifts under scorched trees, desert.

hopi vs shoshone vs aztec vs maya vs...tamil vs sinhalese, shia vs sunni - gifts for both sides. nra for both of you. with love. signed: weapons manufacturers, stocks and bonds, and the governments that support them.

see it. see what's happening and become clear. more than ever, now more than ever, we all need meditation, prayer, compassion. all of us. bush, sauds, clinton, obama, trump, jindal and projects, trailer parks, basthis, shanty towns, middle class, global south. we all need spirituality.

heard that there is a new awakening. that now, these days, more people are spiritually smarter. i wonder if this must mean another discovery. discovery like chris columbus coming across america. discovery like yoga by the beatles in 1965.

....ah, i get it. yoga exists now, cause you see it. i get it, spiritual awakening, cause your hollow has edged, tipped over, must be something more...good for you...happy for you...cool...

...propagate the myth that it just started happening, cause you're doing it.

this full moon, the birth of the prophet muhammad. dec. 25th, 2015.

the birth, is carved not into a fixed calendar, as there is an understanding in the path, that everything changes, no two seconds nor days are the same. so, how can birthdays be on the same date from year to year? hence the siting and moving and bowing, based on the moon.

this full moon is the precursor to the conceptual new year -  a good way to mark the following 12 months of the sun cycle.

the intention of letting go is to leave behind doubt, fear, second guessing, emotional attachments, not doing, resistance, fantasy, value-misalignment, poverty-mentality, anger, control, homelessness, judgement...

the intention of letting go, is to let go of idolizing material...

material is clothes, brands, celebrities, cool...

but what more specifically? letting go of that which keeps me from being a Lover...

the Lover is honest, transparent, as clear as rain and the mentally disabled. the Lover works tirelessly, fearlessly, with Purpose...the Lover lets you know that you are beautiful, that you are being hurtful, that he doesn't understand. the Lover tries, gives his best in all situations, regardless of how silly it may look. the Lover does with love. the Lover is present, mindful, breathes, gives selflessly, without overthinking, without thinking that it will cost too much, or it will be a loss, or babylon-financial equations. the Lover makes dreams happens, instead of deferring, instead of fantasizing...

this is the year of the Lover, of letting go of that which keeps me from fully actualizing the Lover - embarassment, humiliation, can't, laziness, lack of focus, lack of discipline, lack of practice, what-will-others-think, scheming, thinking in future mood, keeping from being because of a fantastic future, self-doubt, second-guessing, looking uncool...

the Lover shows up. is my cousin eve with hugs, is gautama with Quiet, is rumi with heart-writings, reflections, is malcolm with activism, social justice, is jesus with healing, is my brother with self-lessness, is my father with showing up, is my mother with nourishment, is my cousin salman with humble-service, is jordan with craft, is the prophet muhammad with building community, is those who Know...

...those who Know will be my guides...

prescription for war-profiteeridyne

time. running against the mj tower in bk, a bank turned condo = bank for mj, assisting passes to hiv pharmaecueticals and citi and chase. paper chase.

got the ones and twos down like a dj, like funk master flex squealing like an obese gerbil stumbling out of bbq's with an 8 ball leather varsity coat.

practice self-promo in the mirror, on youtube, the business world tells me in the form of my old-school homie, bus-boy turned warbucks.

he tells me if i really want to learn business, do nothing more than study the way of the takers.

stopped. looked. listened.

war.

the man (white/brown/black/yellow) got thousands on the rocket launchers shipped to the bin saud's. put thousands on the other side as well. thing is, its a win win. boeing products to medina, g.e. to s'anna, all the presidents men prefer smith and wesson. classy script on the drones they shoot...

we are slaves to a page in a genetic code on the how to history of dividing, conquering, annihilating the heathen indigenous:

how much you got? the not so in-between-the-lines-voice of the news/textbooks/pop culture, whispers.  i can sell you the recipe. it's actually quite simple.

start with some booty - cash or cleavage. give plenty to one group, deny the other. plant the seeds of power and evil eye. see how they snicker, snub, beef with each other - mohegan with mohawk, hutus and tutsi's, sikh and hindu, shia and sunni...yes! it's on!

hook em up with assault rifles, ak's, sawed offs...hell, bows and arrows. 

sell to both sides. tell everyone how you are tryna broker peace between the savages. tell everyone how they know know other way then to head hunt, blow themselves up. tell em how you have no choice but to step in and help these violent uncouth long-haired/nappy/bearded/sand ni@#as to become civilized. then, take it all - land, women, oil, rivers, libraries, knowledge. take it and sell it in the white market to harvard and cuny and naturopathic medical schools. 

rewrite their gnosis into scholarly jargon and put your signature on it. if the people begin to scratch their head about it, talk about the past - talk about slavery and civil rights and women's rights, human rights - even though this is what the people you are decimating are fighting for. quote the leaders your ideological lineage (as this is equal opportunity benneton imperialism) has assassinated in the past. 

be prepared for crazy. they will go crazy. the people you ruined. set up plenty of prisons. let them rot in jail. in case they don't, plant some drugs crack-rock in their ghettos. let them kill each other. 

that should do. 

i'm gonna pass. going to pass King. i see You. beyond the bank vaults and rape-fantasy and carnage dreams - i see You. beyond the tumi luggage and slick phones and paper thin laptops, i see You. i see You King/Queen.

do you see You?

the medicine of mapping

this is the word: we are here right now. this is the layout of the land. this is where you need to get. right here. see it? these are your resources. now go. get there.

what does your map look like? what is your purpose? what are you doing to actualize your purpose? how are you using your map to guide your actions on a day to day?

i usually leave the map behind. i usually forget how important the map is. i move with spontanaiety and compare my movement to rivers and air, forgetting that the torrential winds that brought down todays rains on gotham was guided by the Laws.

the Laws are the map of the universe. they are universal. laws like gravity and frequency and relativity. they are the science of the spiritual world, missed on the pseudo-science of the spirit-less world.

know how to move.

in chaos, i am the erratic movement of drones, devastating self.

time is precious. your time here, as human, in this form that reads these writings, is sacred. how are you using it?

my map involves spreading the gospel of mountain and sun, of the northern lights and those who Know...my map involves self-sustenance for my family, cuzins, and Self, and you and you and you and the village we will build on from the example of our indigenous parents, elders, ancestors. my map involves growing deeper, deeper. so deep that ancient mathematics.

my map is a series of vedic arabic math equations aligned in the language of Essence.

when i come to your town, i am stopping at the yoga shalas and universities, along the way. i am doing asana and breath and prayer with people in places, and preparing food together after, in alignment with the Laws.

when i come to visit you, i will be doing a workshop at the local community center and theatre and herb space and wellness center and school and kitchen...

when i come through, i will bring my medicines with me. i will bring some healing potions and scents and you will Know they are made with Love.

when i come through i will be chanting to/for Al Jabbar, 99 times, lest i forget that glory belongs to ALLAH alone.

these points, these dots, are the path. they themselves are the path, and build into seven heavens.

otherwise i move. my movement is sudden. abrupt. the pop and lock of electric chairs. to do's occur without thinking, but with too much thought, and not enough plan. without pause, i flee, as if i don't make a move that second, i will miss out.

miss out, and pause. take a moment to reflect. pause. shhh... think... if only you would think, ALLAH reminds us in the Recitation - the Qur'an.

recite your map. draw it out. pause. before you move, pause. soon your movement will be with pause. pause is fearless, contrary to caution, to over-planning, over-thinking.

be that which You want. move with it. do like you Know...

distance between wants and is

a million miles.

want nothing other than this. other than to Be. other than to...

want nothing. am ALL.

am village, community, touch the feet of my elders, bow in respect, and listen to elder stories and direction and Guidance. elders Know.

walking always.

walk towards the sun with children and wife and abbu and ammu and bhaiyas and kalathobhaiys and apas. roll deep. roll like schools of fish, like a murder of crows, even as the rifles point and shoot.

too spirit too strong.

you could keep the color you assigned me man of color obsession. you could come up with theories of how you are the best, the first, the envy, the....thing is you probably can't tell which man i'm not talking bout. that's cause babylonians are brown, white, black, red, yellow on surface and live surface and move with surface and socialize from surface and unionize from surface...

scrubbed through. scrub scrub...found the jewel in the Crown...the Hidden One...found what Was/Is, when i cease to be this form...these writings...keep your grades teacher...

...bow to the One before i do my papers. head on the ground for five even though i have four to hand in the assignment. recall that there is no one but One (la illaha illala). 99 times. even though i will miss your test if i continue. i answer to the call of the banyan manifest in the wrinkled elderly hands of my nana before i respond to your threats of termination for being late one more time.

...keep your jobs...i have Love to make..

...make Love without motion...

...immaculate birth.

have always been. Been. will Be...

thing is truth Is.

Truth.

leave you. leave to Be. left the clothes at macy's, and got on line towards You, by bowing to the truth around me.

come from a family of Truth. come from the lineage of Truth. have you heard? probably not. probably cause we are not in daredevil or empire or waking dead or kendrick lamar lyrics or adele grievances. not on the broke-hearted 27 list. not morrison or hendrix or rhoads or cobain or winehouse.

have been hung in every generation for walking opposite to the demands of romans.

my lineage is in the storm, in the rain that peyote healers sing about, that tabla drums wail like water without a need for audience or purchase.

i Am because that which i re-member was dismembered, was only a collection of kodaks that had emotions set to them like soundtracks on the window phonograph. allahuakbar. oops. said it. blacklist. prayed. bowed down. prayed for you. prayed for me.

the speech from home-king yunus was to leave wanting for am-ing, for being the mirror of that reality. reality is a reflection of that which you believe.

what do you believe?

i believe in love, community, village, purpose, selflessness, doing, movement, nourishment, the ancient ways, respect for the ways, peace, harmony...

i believe in us working together to make this happen.

i believe in Being by releasing familiarity for the unfamiliar, for that which works, that which may be outside the zone of comfort, to accomplish...

accomplish by letting go of this container and trusting in the Design...all praise is due

hollow breeds hollow ii

hollow.

broke and destroyed, i sat in the puddle on hawthorne, watching dead clouds piss ash  on the homeless skin-heads across the street. they pissed on my sleeping bag last night. asked me for an id like cops. i looked at them. brown eyes on green, and blue, and brown. i love you, i said. i love you, no matter what.

walked to the lake with them, at the top of mount tabor. the lake that formed from the downpour the last couple days. they passed hash with tobacco. took a hit. just a puff. enough to get me and the straggly haired chick next to me to interlace, and stare at the stars in the lake and talk mystery.

maybe the universe isn't above but below, and to get to the stars all we need to do is dive, she said. her brown hair falling over her pale cheeks, covering one of the greens, leaving the other to dart for answers in between the lake and me.

yeah, i said. except what've we don't come back?

then we'd accomplish the goal sought by every seeker in the post-hollow world, we would reach that place of bliss that the corporations and industries and bankers and shooters and presidents and politicians, and business men, and new-agers are leading us to anyway, cept, it'd be quick, without a middle-man.

right.

dove in. bloated in death. flotsam and jetsam...

...then did it again the next day. me and the skinheads turned existentialists, with tattoos of sartre and nietszche on their foreheads...

...walked to the top of the max station in gresham. dove through the fences, like vampires in our cloaks...dove till the pavement became a graveyard...

...did it again...this time in the city...this time with refugees from el salvador...this time it was under the a train in euclid, east, ny, before the dominican boys chasing us with bats could swing, before they decided to join us...

...did it again...and noticed everyone else did too, every day. it was an everyday thing...walking in the hollow...walking broken-hearted...

hollow breeds hollow

stick up son!

put your muthaf*^kin hands up! strip b*#tch! take it all off! you heard me...

...$50, $100, $1000...

stick up kids get there lead, guidance from the their guru - stick-up society.

guru-stick-up society: run your shit b*#tch!!! hands against the wall!!! run your oil, your diamonds, your water reserves, your cotton fields, your sugar fields!!!

guru-stick up society been at work for centuries...been robbing and stealing and plundering and raping and making bank, bags of loot...gimme the loot, gimme the loot!!!...

...and your land, and your olive trees, and your red woods, and your teepees, and your mosques, riyadhs, and your traditional knowledge...

---gun to your gut, blast your grandma, dead your baby boy...16 shots...revisions on the television... he tried to attack...they are crazy...look at how they treat their women, look at how they are taking over, look at, look at...

...bomb, bomb, bomb....

...kaboom, guess who stepped in the room???

...do what you feel now...electric feel now...do you...i do me...

...broken and hollow...gotta be broken and hollow to do this much lying, stealing, cheating...so gotta shop...gotta get new kicks and crisp jeans and a jeep to match, the new hybrids, and the paper thin macs with solid state drives and, and, and...

...do what you feel now...

...what you feel is empty, and broke, even though you got him homie, even though you took her land, and resources, and ways...

...gotta keep covering up that hollow...gotta keep getting and tell the world how they are tryna got...do what you feel now...

...thing is...always prayers for you...always...because your hurt is hurting me, is hurting all of us, so prayers for you, and for me, and prayers for those who are converting to hollow, who are becoming broke and destitute and empty spirited and hitting the bottle and the club...

...do what you feel now...what you really feel...Real feel...

vipassana: day 2: only you can do it

the buddha, all buddhas (as buddha is just a term for an enlightened being - ibrahim, gautama, musa, isa, muhammad), have demnonstrated the path less chosen and yet avaialble to all beings - the path of enlightment.

in walking on the path of enlightenment, gautama-buddha came to be a fully liberated being, and as such, he could share his insight and perhaps even ways and means to get there, like a map. but only, you, young, can get there.

goenka-ji, in the day 2 talk emphasizes the importance of the enlightment process as experiential, self-experiental. in turn, he makes, and illuminates, the fallacy of paths that only require you to have blind faith and seek salvation in a man, in a person, in someone else who might've had the enlightenment experience.

a man comes to guatama-buddha with this very issue. many people come to you, the man says. they try your suggestions. some succeed and are getting closer to the path of liberation. some struggle, but are learning meditation. some come and don't seem to be getting any further. they are still agitated by all that is happening in their lives. i unbderstand you are doing good works, but you are a powerful man. why not just give all who come to you salvation.

gautama-buddha hears this, and understands that the man possibly may not want to do the work neccessary to set himself free of the bondages of the illusive world. or that he may genuinely believe in the supernatural powers of someone else and in turn not see that he has the same capacity within him to grow into enlightenment. all of us do.

gautama-buddha asks the man where the man is from. the man tells him that he is from another part of india. gautama-buddha then asks him if he ever visits home.

oh, yes, the man replies. atleast once a month. 
is it far? gautama buddha asks.
yes, the man responds.
have you ever described how to get there to your friends here or do you keep it a secret? 
why a secret? the man says, a bit stupefied by the revered's line of questioning. why i tell them. 
what do you say? gautama buddha asked.
why, i tell them that you walk past the rail station for a few miles, than when there are no more roads, you go north until the sand becomes muddy, and then you walk into the first road you see past the small lake, the man said (something like that).
does everyone you tell know how to get there? gautama buddha asked.
what? how is that possible? the man asked. how can they know unless they have taken the journey themselves. 
young man, gautama buddha said, this is exactly what i've been trying to show you. there are people who might've taken the journey to enlightenment, and they can even describe the road there, but unless you take the journey yourself, no one else can get there for you.  

salvation lies in learning from the arif-Ullah's - those who Know - and by taking the journey that lies ahead for you.

sure there are laws, goenka-ji says, as if this is tertiary. he says this, in addressing the modern age of information-saturation, and the accomplishment of buying into the so-called evidence-based scientific method set forth by western science. there tends to be a tendency among us in the modern age to over-intellectualize, consume, appropriate...

the laws, dharma, are the same laws you will find in all religious paths, goenka-ji says: do not steal, do no harm, avoid sexual misconduct, be respectful of all creation...

thing is, goenka says, this can be logically known in the intellectual phase at first. for instance, if you don't like someone stealing from you, then don't steal from them. if you don't want someone sexually exploiting, manipulating you, or your mom, or your sister, or father, or brother, then don't do this to anyone else, etc, etc.

you get it.

but to really understand, goenka-ji says, you have to experience it. just as someone describing the impact of putting their hand in a flame, will not serve to give you the same understanding as you putting your hand in the flame.

goenka-ji is not saying go steal or have wanton sex, to experience how it might be messed up. instead, what he is saying is, experience through witnessing, watch your thoughts. observe them. notice the sensory responses that come up. just observe them. and then watch them go away. no itch is forever, he says. when an itch comes up during meditation, watch it. notice it. then watch it go away.

accept reality for what it is. just notice it. and watch it pass. this is the process of letting go of that which may deceive us - our senses.

a feeling comes - a piece of chocolate sure would be nice right now. you run to the store, arguing with yourself the whole time how you've been getting cavities, and eczema from the chocolate, and yet, just a bite won't hurt. you get a bar, find a place to enjoy it. before you have a piece, you are on to the second, than third, until the whole bar is gone. same thing happens the next day and the next day. it becomes a habit. your teeth are black and falling out. you scratch your body incessantly from the eczema. yet you are still getting the chocolate.

madness, goenka-ji says of this monkey mind, of this sensory-driven brain that is in control of your body.

a situation happens, your boss yells at you. there are options, goenka-ji suggests. you can react with the sense of emotion, of hurt, of anger. or you can simply watch what is happening, notice the emotion that surfaces, and then delve into why it has come to fore, and then let it go.

vipassana is a technique that allows you to do the minor, minuscule surgery that is responsible for all this heartache, anger, disappointment, depression, obesity, malnourishment, etc.

take the time to take the journey. only you can do it. i'll do the same. i'm rooting for you.

full moon nov 2015: letting go of partition

there is a partition that separates india bangladesh and pakistan. it is an invislbe line that was drawn by (under) lord louis mountbatten and other colonial architects to ensure a steady control over the region, in the departure of the then imperial british power.

partition, the invisble line, separates me from you in this cafe, even as we sit next to each other and stare intently on our screen. partition.

you are staring at me through a partition. and i am wondering about you.

the walls separate our today from our tomorrow. tomorrow becomes a fantastic place that we will get to one day, just not today...tomorrow is the treasure pot at the end of the rainbow, is heaven, is neverland. a dream deferred, langston hughes lamented. what happens to a dream deferred? 

thing is, the window to there is here. right now. every action leads to that.

what is it that you want to accomplish the most? what is your life's purpose?

for the past several years, i have been saying that my purpose is to be a medicine man, by way of the path of yoga and ayurveda. i chose this angle due to my genealogical proximity. i figured my dna would have memory of yogi movement, vedic knowledge.

as i began studying islam more, the path of yogi and ayurveda, folded into the holistic system of non-duality, that the prophet/guru-muhammad laid out. my writings focused a bit more on quranic teachings  and the words of the example of these teachings manifest in the guru. 

in recent times, when i've fully meditated on the path of medicine man, i've come to understand that this is only a road to a deeper path. that medicine man is not an end to my Purpose, but itself another road to the One.

i've also come to understand that medicine is more than herbs, and herbalism, yogi, and yoga asanas, meditation and nutriton and being physically active, and sleeping and waking early.

i've learned that medicine is prayer, and hence my delving into scripture. vaidyas/hakeems, like my grandfather and greatgrandfather, are versed in scripture, in the laws of the One. 

i've learned that medicine is activism, is being of service to the world we inhabit, more than just to any one group of people, or one issue, or one type of being (more than humans - peace to plant life, water life, land life, air life). medicine is taking in the whole and working for the balance of the whole. as the son of the medicine man, my dad, showed me through his life example. he has been serving community, rocksteady, for 60 plus years, and continues to do so, understanding the consequences this has had on our family economically, and socially. poverty never came to my tongue until i was shown statistics on income brackets and jeered by peer on the discount-store clothes i walked around in shamefully. 

i've learned that medicine is showing up for those who have shown up for me. blessed with the struggle of holding onto the tightrope of scraping by. the closest in my life repeatedly remind me of this - my ammu, abbu, brother (one-who-Knows), cuzin smack, cuzin pin, cuzin chris, cuzin d, cuzin mo, cuzin chino, cuzin shah...

i've also learned, from the teachings, that medicine is going beyond tribe and communalism, to get deeper with those who bow down, whose humilty is deeper than leather and kicks, whose spiritual linguistics speaks intrinscially to a language without time.

last month, my letting go was of addiction. i've grown fond of coffee and vegan/gluten-free fig bars, and binging on chocolate and food, and addicted to feeling self-pity at my invisible-man status, and lack of accomplishment, and sense of failing those closest to me.  

as i write this, i just went through a bar of dark chocoate and my second cup of coffee. with that said, i've also grown back into a meditation practice, in listening to the words of goenka-ji, a messenger in his own right, who reminds me of samskaras and anichya, and the importance of getting away from the maya of what appears solid, and real through the surgery of meditation.

this past month has been trying, due to the happenings in the world. the sadness of the murdered french, and syrian and lebanese and yemeni and afghani and palestinian and nigerian people weigh heavy. 

praying for peace. praying for the cessation of the 10 country bombing of a region under the pretense of killing bad guys, and in the process killing everyone there, as has been the tactic and rationalization for the millions killed in iraq, afghanistan, native america. peace to the survivors of the indigenous holocaust on this soil...i overstand that the tactics of patining the victims as savages engaged inn savagery was as successful in 1492 as it is now. blame the victim. bomb them out of existence. take their land and resources. pathologize them through news, radio, visuals...romanticize them when they are long dead, close to decimated...no longer can the colonial armies cracking whips and the slave master be painted as belonging to one race. the ideology of greed, supremacy, manifest destiny is mulitculutral and open to anyone who wants to get ahead...

prayers, prayers, prayers. prayers for compassion. 

this month, my letting go of the wall that keeps me from purpose. this month i disintegrate that which is not real by being that which is Real. what is not real is tomorrow. what is real is now. what is not real is if this then that. what is real is the process of actualization through actualization. actualization of what is Real happens through the compass of the heart. 

the community house, the family, the book, the project, seven generations, the gifts, ALLAH manifest, is now...

let go of the emotion and work from a deeper place of truth, of satyagraha, of honest interaction, through honest dialogue devoid of emotion, of sadness or pleasure, just pure LOVE. all praise is due...

intend to do this through continuing, growing deeper in meditation, in noticing samskaras and releasing them, of publsihing the health manual that will help me and you come to a deeper balance, through building institutions of LOVE in family, and universal community...what happens when the walls between me and my actualized self are dissolved? what does the i look like? what physically maniests from the thought sprung from the place of timeless poetics?....all praise is due...

vipassana day 1 talk: steps

steps. things happen in steps, goenka tells us through his video talks, aired at the end of each evening during the 10 day vipassana retreat. did it a decade ago. listen to the talks still. 

the day 1 talk takeaway for me was the importance of moving in steps. in mastering each step through steady practice before moving on to the next.

there are many meditation techniques out there, goenk-ji tells us, but to gain strength, mastery in any, requires focus on one, and practice. steady practice. rock steady.

vipassana meditation, as taught by gautama buddha, according to goenka, requires singular focus, unravels a surgical process.

before any major surgery can be done by a surgeon, i would imagine that they have to master the art of a minor surgery - beore transplaning a heart, perhaps, transplanting a patch of skin. 

day 1, begins with a focus on a single patch of skin. the area below the nose, above the upper-lip. notice the breath on this area. notice the temperature changes, notice the tingliness...notice...

...as/when your mind drifts, return to this one patch...continue...

the first step in doing this requires complete silence. requires seclusion. sure, the outdoors is an ideal place to meditate, goenka tells us. but that takes time and practice to get to. at first, you have to be able to meditate in a space of complete quiet, before going into a space of multiple sensation and quieting the mind.

find a time and place indoors. alone. perhaps after prayer. turn off all other sensory instruments - music, scents, touch, sights, tastes...

...focus...shhhhhh....focus....

pray

these days i'm dropping with the rain spilling into cafes to dry my mind of the news that blasts from the corners of eyes that reexamine my stubbles and look away, when they look at all. in ny the looks are suspicious, ethnocentric, drug store cowboys with lassos. but i got the drugs, the green and brown uptown kind mixed with a fifth of jack...

inside a bottle and smoking myself out of corners and public view, i watch myself like kurosawa van-goghing scenes of a poem that haunts him.

far enough from downtown, i stroll through a neighborhood that sees the air in me. invisible like lamposts and potholes...invisible like 19th century graveyards...invisible until the sun sets, when the threat of my most wanted face is no longer disgusied by liberalisms in books portlandiacs carry.

i carry stories, the ones no one told me, the ones that bump like silence after hours, after the club is shut, the bouncer gone, the door closed. still standing outside the cool and fall into an 80's melody of paratha, chicken curry, ammu's kitchen, abbu's philosophics...bhaiya's recreating a world of fantasy from the racist world outside our apartment. 

praying...praying for meaning...praying through these words...praying that we - beings who walk on twos - reach for higher than the ego that creates amnesia...that keeps the whips and scorns of massacre alive...

silencing the the lyrics that surface in my head when the tale of the victorious hunter is aired...lyrics...lyrics like dead prez: everywhere the white man go he bring misery/all throughout history/look it up/ everything them baldheads touch, they f it up/every govt he create, it be corrupt...

the white man is now a brown hate-spitting evangelical from india, a black president that is built more concomitant wars than any other president, a black presidential candidate who went from the hardship of hood to neurosurgeon and f the struggle and the struggling and anyone who is not me; the man is the indian governor of louisiana, a hindu convert to cracker, cracking lies so deep his tongue looks like mars...the man is latino, asian, black, white, red...the cross-burners are uniformed and raping, pillaging, plundering indigenous lands/ways...prayers for you...prayers for compassion...

praying for a world without guns greed and globalization.

praying for a world of honesty...of engaging with each other honestly...

lets figure this out together...

...start with prayer...humble yourself...

pray. bow down. surrender to the Source of Peace, the One-ness. all of us who are still here will also be soil and water and air one day...

...let go of yourself and get to Work...

99 names: 13: al Mussawir iii: the Shaper of Beauty iii

in the name of ALLAH, the Most Beneficient, the Most Merciful...

jamal shabazz, a brooklyn photographer with mesmerizing photos and intricate stories behind each one, said, during a talk on his photography, that he began taking pictures as a way to connect with his community. it was a way of breaking the ice and having a forum for exchange. in the process he shaped beauty, and the beauty was more than the pictures he took, but the communication, community, collaborations he built. 

i love the idea of living breathing art, as life itself is living breathing art, as al Mussawir has painted landscapes of beauty for us to walk on, through - ja na ta - walking in beauty - my cuzin man-red says - in navajo, the language of dineh peoples. yes, ja na ta...

walking in beauty involves being beautiful, more than the approved, disapproved beauty designated by the state apparatus in prostration to capital and markets and the constant need to profit, which means the constant need for the market to trend.

what's in trend is the over-sized ski hats among hipsters in portland. saw it in ny last year. who knows what the hipsters there are rocking now. their seems to be a syncopation around the carved and constructed identities of genres, like races. they are often parallell - genres/markets and race - to occupy/consume trends for the respective boxes peoples are trapped into, take great pride and perform through. applause kid. i see you. i overstand. otherwise you are out of the wolfpack. 

it's alot to keep up. i gave up. born alone die aloning through pdx, walking in beauty when i dikr through the prayer beads brooklyn gave me. 99 times. 

99 times, i go through reminders of how each moment is fleeting, and that within this constant change, ALLAH remains constant. i am reminded of this with every recall, every moment when i am tempted to speak, say something, to defend, to peacock. at that fork, when i pause to ask what's really behind my desire to speak/show, i recall Surrender, how this is a moment, and I AM of Essence - Eternal. i get moved away from this fact of Beauty, of al Mussawir, when i am amidst the audience of people who see me or don't.

at once i am an invisible man, brown and the color of bombs and newsclips on the world's most wanteds. at once i am disease, third world epidemic, immigrant, refugee, a problem. at once i am taking jobs, and feeding off the government, and lazy and too hard-working, and accented by irrelevance. i seemed to have missed the cruise ship that others - brown, black, yellow, red - have boarded, into acceptance, into natural flow in a babylon that i don't get. don't  get aziz ansari. 

i have ceased putting my hat down for change, for racial theatrics that fit the audiences who want to clap for a fitting in of their bill. 

i get ancient. 

my soul immediately is in dialogue. 

so i get my amma and abba, and ancient indigenous ways, and recognize it across the board, whether i am in cipher with bangladeshi's from the time-zone tucked into village-life, sudanese from khartoum in coffee shops listening to adhan and reciting poetry to possibility, indians weaving jewels off the rez only to hope for return there, philosophers from projects a generation from south carolina, san juan, havana...

walking in beauty, in the path of al Mussawir, in the example set by Creator/Shaper of Beauty, would mean to be alive, to be a living breathing engagement with the world, towards aligning with Height. 

taller than height and larger than weight, with my feet rooted like evergreens in the northwest, reaching pine needles in praise, in all praise is due...

shaping beauty would mean to make knowledge active, to engage with knowledge to build, reach, commune with prostraters and prostitutes, with hustlers and fruit-wallahs, cab-drivers and tailors...

my boy hen-roc says i should do a compendium video for the nutritional map i''ve been working on. if it brings me closer, Closer...Closer to the One...

the sheik rumi, says to lose, lose yourself, and bow down...to stop running to be someone...afterall, isn't this what your life is about? he asks...to be someone?...when you stop trying to be someone...you Appear into the congruence of One-ness...

the  ayurveda professor, doctor, from pune, india, who i met recently, seems steeped in the culture of pride of being a doctor, a professor, someone. many of the ayurvedic doctors i met in programs geared towards americans, in india, seem to suffer from this guru-complex. 

westerners seem to strive for this expert status. westerners are indian from india, bangladeshi from bangladesh, nigerian from nigeria, kenyan from kenya, brazilian from brazil, chinese from china, dominican from dominican republic, american from marcy projects and the upper east side and san francisco...

...no delusions homie...i overstand the truth that permeates through the surface realm of skins you and i are in...i overstand and see the carcinogen of megalomania that is excused and celebrated across the multi-cultural spectrum of devout babylonian-ism...

...i'll pass. flow through the asanas that were set forth by teachers without names, from the path of Nothingness...hope to connect, to shape beauty through the work of non-cerebral engagement with this divine mosque that our spirits respirate in without a breath. 

...to create...to really shape beauty...walk in the path of the Greatest Artist of ALL, the Most Creative, who is known several billion times a day as the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful....

...to do this, lose yourself...really lose yourself...i will too...

full moon: oct 2015: letting go of addiction

days before halloween. no plans to place any more disguises over the layers of costumes i wear. 

hoping to peel like an onion, but wondering if i'm rotting, if peeling at this point would be like digging fingernails into a molded, blues and white onion, and only getting millions of bacteria that the self recognizes as notself. 

full moon.  last one was to let go of resistance and embrace what is. did so. accepted that i am where i am and found ways to engage a little deeper, to take part, and initiate, and be proactive in the tango, at first awkwardly leading turns, stepping on toes, and at some point twirling my dance-mates. figuratively speaking. 

figuratively living through the steps of the prophet muhammad who has laid out the single most compreshensive system of organic living. once it is bombed and depleted, once the taker culture is done with the genocidal campaign that they wage, and have fully grown their tumor beyond repair into this path of humility, then the teachings of the tradition will be romanticized in new age massage schools, and homeopathic schools of medicine, and perhaps even among the spiritually and geneaologically destitue, hoping to connect with something meaningful. we see it with native american spirtiualy and identity appropriation. 

letting go of the behavioral patterns of addiction to that which harms me, and in turn others around me (as my negative is a frequency that impacts the whole). 

been watching my thoughts a little more, since i've been reading on addiction, and addictive behaviors. 

found myself acting out the addiction i was reading about...acting from a place of compulsion, of a reward pathway that would initate the behavior, a mental process of wanting that gluten-free vegan fig newton bar at new seasons supermarket. found myself thinking of how good it would taste, and how gratifying it wold be, and then, concomitantly engaging in why it would be wrong. and this thought process appeared to create a heru-set, a yin and yang, of dark vs light, good vs evil, and thus a hedonism, which is said to be a neccessary ingredient to addiction. 

the reward pathway seems to only be expanded by the hedonism, by doing it anyway, even though i knew it would be a bad idea, knew the consequences. yet, oddly, and predictably, the arousal grows. 

so i'm past phase one of the addictive mind - past the thought process that sets off dopamine, and gaba, and opiods. i run ot of the cafe i am, leaving my ipad, and books, and jacket, and rush down the block, hopping and skipping, and still having this internal conflict, but knowing i will grab the organic fig newton, and salivating at the thought. then getting it, chowing down like a bulemic, feeling a deep sensory gratification, the sugar rush, gold. then it sinks like lead into my belly, enters as a conflicting bit of chyme into my small intestines, which doesn't know how to distro the nutrion-less highly processed babylon organic. so i feel the frankenfood going through the villi and micorvilli straight into the bloodstream, taxig my pancreas to over-activate b-cells, that mass output insulin, setting off insulin receptors on peripheral tissue, and being on the verge of a resistance - diabetes. that's right. body in revolution, in resistance struggle, stops producing insuling altogether, so there is no uptake of all that excess glucose, or the tissues resist it, setting off sweet blood and sweet pea syndrome. 

all this to say, that it was a behavior, sure there are mesmeric colors, and associate tunes that may have come from feel good foods from childhood and the commericals that convinced me of such, but i ultimately make the decision, and the decision happens in my head first. thus, more than a substance having control over you, it is you who exercise control - by way of behavior. 

you is me, and my letting go this month is of the thought pattern that produces these false reward pathways that neccessarily leads to a greater hollow, once the deed is done. it is a negative feedback loop. it is a futile attempt to get secuirty by avoiding what is present, what needs to be dealt with. by avoiding reality, you grow engaged in an actionable preoccupation that holds a momentary (snesory) gratification, and then, suddenly, gone, and your left lower than before you began. 

sure i'm talking about a gluten-free vegan fig bar, but i could apply this to my consumption of coffee, to certain negative thought patterns that occur in the active voices in my head. adddiction is a compulsion to repeatedly do something that results in a negative consequence. doesn't have to be drugs. could be talking smack about others; could be haterations, on constantly having negative emotions towards other ethnic groups, members of your family, people at work, on the street...could be chocolate, or shopping, or, or....you tell me...

i can wear sparkly white kicks and crisp jeans and a white tee, but if my room, and house are dirty, then how clean am i? words are costumes, they might sound good/right/moving, but they disguise what is happening inside. or atleast they can. 

so this month i let go of negative thought patterns by: watching my thoughts, by spending 10 minutes each day in meditation, and then applying the fruits of this meditation in moment to moment presence. when these negative thoughts, words, song lyrics come up, i will ask myself why, and delve into the roots until i can address it on this deeper level, to seek peace with these pasts and expectations and fears, that give rise to them....inshALLAH...

99 names: 13: al Mussawir ii: the Shaper of Beauty ii

al Mussawir...ja na ta, man-red, who i intro as my cuzin, says in his language - navajo.

means, walking in beauty, he tells me. 

surrrender...the path of surrender, the path of surrendering to the Source of Peace (islam), is walking in beauty, is an opportunity to glimpse the Creation of al Mussawir...otherwise, labs and info...

babylonians love info. thats why we are confused all the time. thatts why we have so many breakdowns, and mental crises, to the point that they are norms, part of our culture - mid life crisis. 

the Shaper of Beauty holds no forum in the self-help section. the Shaper is found in the poetics of sky and earth, and ocean, and condensation, and fish, and fruits and corn, and purple cabbage...

but instead i'm walking through the self help isles, reading the latest craze on the latest revered idol of cullinary skills, herbalism, fad diet....babylon lovs their idols, because they, cause we, are falling apart at the seams, and have to get new jeans monthly to make up for existential crisis.

i've been having a mid life crisis since i started kindergarten, decades ago. it was just me pouting then, and then teeange angst, then reality bites, in my twenties...then...then...

instead of seeing al Mussawir, i was trying to learn and understand everything, cause i needed evidence, cause the babylon approach is to prove it. but  they don't

idol worship. we all fall into it. looking for a leader. looking for someone to believe in, because our cultures are labeled terror, cause real leaders are assasinated and hung, serving triple life.

idol - obama is an idol to many. peopple want someone to believe in. people saying he's been coming around, getting to be who he really is, in this last term...we pay attention to the detail, the arch of his brows, the frustration of his tone as he addresses the nation on yet another mass shooting...this is becoming redundant, he says...makes reference to the lax gun laws...

later that day...executive order to drop more bombs, drone more suspects in 5 different countries. the doctors without borders hospital in afghanistan was bombed. apoloigies sent, because it was wikileaked. two days later a u.s. military tank rams through it...

who are your leaders? what is the criteria for your leaders? are they people who are involved in acts of mass murder, who engage in mass-deceit, who tell you whatever you want to hear, but do otherwise? who are your leaders and why?

the beauty of al Mussawir needs no approval. the river jordan just is. the hudson knows where to go, and the gorges in ithaca have no parallell in man-made architecture. 

as i've been growing deeper in this path, truths reveal themselves. while studying nutrition, they've been talking about the importance of fasting. babylonian scientists are discovering this now. they've stabbed enough rats with stress hormones and then put them on fasts. they've paid enough desperate elders who are just longing for a touch, because babylon culture dscards their elders, to fasting diets, and then seeing what happens...

my babylon sistas, of all so-called races, seem to carry the same individual-driven spiritualism...you could keep it sis. 

spirituality is new age, and having crystals, and homeboy, the indian dude who hangs with oprah...oh yeah, deepak chopra...it's all about you...you, you, you...

somehow, all issues reside in you. regardless of what else is happening, none of it matters, it's all you. 

my learnings from the teachings of the Shape in the Beauty, is that everything is in divine syncopation, that the beauty of the stones and crystals come as not isolate pieces to be give horoscopic value to, but as deeply engaged in the community they were part of, for millenia...not just a rock that was already a crystal, that visited the mountain they were carved out of, like the strip of bars and restaurants and cafes everyone hangs out in for a minute, while its hot, and then bounce...on to the next...

in addition to shaping beauty for yourself, by recognizing that your body has been weaved by al Mussawir to be beautiful, just the way it is, not as the white standards of beauty, or the black mens magazines or the bollywood cinemas, define as beauty. they are equally babylon. white babylon, black babylon, brown babylon = babylon. 

in a culture of idol worship, worship of ego, of celebrity, of those who bow down to money and lust and power over others (which somehow translates to respect), al Mussawir gets lost. nature becomes a place for pharmaceutical, furniture, consturction-company, etc, giants. its a place for new age herbalists and ayurvedic and so-called traditional medicine practitioners to be experts of. 

you keep your expertise homie. keep your stage-loving-lusting god-complexes. while your on your mic, speaking to the wave of audience...i'm turned around, staring at the moon, finding my way back to the village elders, and staring and listening to what my next stage of life will be, from my pops, the way i used to for the cure, nas, johnny depp. i'm hanging on his every word, because i understand that his humility, my mothers humility is so alien and anathema, that it has to be exterminated, that it has be demonized and hacked, like pregnant mothers and babies in palestine.

99 names: 13: al Mussawir: the Shaper of Beauty

in surah al-hashr, 59:22, ALLAH's 13th name appears as Al-Mussawir, the Shaper, or the Shaper of Form/Beauty:

He is God, the Creator, the Maker who shapes all forms and appearances!  ^[31] His [alone] are the attributes of perfection.  ^[32] All that is in the heavens and on earth extols His limitless glory: for He alone is almighty, truly wise! - 59:24 (Asad) 

to be nothing means to develop these attributes. to be something, means to shun, to suppress, to corrupt characteristics.

i have been something. i am riding on something. in kerala, when i was among keralan friends, they would say nothing-doing. it was a translation of a malyali word, i'm sure, and didn't make complete sense in english, not to me atleast, until recently. nothing doing, means, to me, that it appears like there's something happening, but really nothing is. so nothing doing.

talked to cuzin yusef today. he's hanging in he says. trying to making meaning of circumstance, of miami, of job-life, of purpose, of music.

aftter the music fast last year, i've been traveling in chaos, not sure what to music to put on, and operating instead from what's familiar. so, the same 90's tracks creep, same feel good, but doesn't feel good, so i put on abdul basit, the egyptian reciter who taught me how to put my hands over my face - a practice i've developed when people insist i be in a picture. face covered. but my actions are covered too.

my actions remain not hidden, but non-existant. i've surrounded myself in a tower, getting nautious behind the screen and vinyasing constantly. asana and prayer ground me. the recitations keep me connected. 

maintaining, instead of shaping. what does it mean to shape? 

to shape means to be messy, to do without audience, because Real recognize Real. if it sucks it sucks. then grow from it. then it wasn't that real. 

to be Real means to put ALL, to do from Higher, to be vulnerable, to try, to more than try, to allow the doing and the consequent feedback to be the practice... and to allow the practice to be constant, and in the process deepen you. go deep. real deep.

shape, as you have been shaped. shape from One. you were shaped from One. the Maker of Beauty, has made you in beauty. the  artistry of Creation is all around. this alone should compell us to shape. 

shape. what does it mean to shape beauty? take time with your child. be present with them. takke time with your parents, your siblings, your cousins, your cuzins, your core-dozen. 

craft. be messy with it, and go deep. push your boundaries. be a maker of beauty by doing your best. are you doing your best? why not? 

shape from the Maker, by decondiitioning the plastic that you wear when you smile, dress, eat...

...to get to the Maker of Beauty, take off your cool -  the veneer, the professional, the career guy/gal and do. so what someone thinks you suck at making beats, or that you can't dress, or that you are a lousy teacher, doctor, etc? maybe. so then get the feedback and go deeper. no need to be defensive. be thankful for the feedback and work from and on the side of truth. 

all praise is due for this oportunity to shape to have been shaped, touched, by the Maker, into this body you and i occupy. 

---

full moon letting go sept 2015

in the name of the One...

where's the love...where's the love? radiohead asks, in their song fake plastic trees...she lives with a broken heart...do you live with one?

my heart's partially broken from the bomb that just fell right now. my heart aches because it feels the gang rape of the 10 country assault on syria...somehow the bombs of the 10 countries, their drones, soldiers who snipe are the good guys ending the bad...somehow their fighter jets, rain of bullets, are helping the internal affairs of another country, helping a civil war...

...what would it be like if during another city at unrest, like baltimore, people vs cops...canada, and mexico, and israel france and japan and russia and britain and...decided to drop bombs on us, saying they were helping to keep the destructive behavior of the terror gangs from spreading???

deep. 

prayers. plant my head in the soil, and surrender these heavy thoughts. 

rise from sajdah in hope, in renewed spirit, prepare for dua, for the begging, for prayers...then i pray for the droppers of bombs and the bombed. pray for compassion, for a better way, for love to fill the hearts of those actively and professionally involved in lying to the public because they run the show we watch in suspended disbelief...

prayers for you oppressor man/woman. 

prayers for the mothers, fathers, grandparents...

is there a safe place for elders? 

nyc speaks the language of high on cocaine through the left lane of moving through hustlenomics, selling you on a day and time and schedule. i forget. 

i forget that we were supposed to meet. appointment books get lost on me. no excell or spreadsheets or google calendar to plug in the date two weeks from now. i forget and we never met again, and no marriage, and another missed boat, and i must not be serious, cause i would've showed up to the appointment. i'll pass. 

this full moon i'm letting go of resisting what i have to offer. so, letting go of resistance to fulfilling of this path. instead, what i'll be doing is embracing, hugging, actualizing, through the Surrender. this full moon reminds me that eclipses happen, and to embrace, to maintain orbit, to keep shining from within, even if without looks dark, appears cloudy. 

this full moon, instead of resisting, by letting go of resisting, i am letting go of control, of attempting to be a perfectionist in controlling perfectly the outcome, the happening. instead, i'm trying my best, and listening and moving, through the work, because making mistakes is important, because other peoples reactions are a reflection, because there is reward in the work, regardless of how belittling it seems, because your Purpose can never be compromised by ego - yours or anyone else's. 

letting go of resistance to my Purpose, to your Purpose, means to let go of the ego that may seek to control you in wanting to control an outcome. 

in dealing with the frequency of ego, you fall in competition with others who are in this wavelength, and un-naturally set measurements with others on the stick of who knows more, who is more important? the most important thing you can do is the Work. the Work is fulfilling Purpose. the Purpose is to serve through humility, diligence, spiritual alliance...

what will be possible when, if i step away from resistance that comes from ego - from, i'm too good for, i'm better than, i am not good enough to, i don't deserve to...? i'll let you know in less than 14 days, during the half moon. you let me know to royalty...

doing from the heart of the struggle

i've come to understand that the hidden science of islam is in constancy, is in repetition, is in getting deeper with practice. this is accomplished in the path of surrender (ing to the Source of Peace = islam) through humility. a humility so profound a trillion soundbytes, glares, bullets ridculing you will only leave you deeper in the prophet jesus-path. 

when i attempted headstand some years back, i didn't get how it was possible without my neck breaking, my head shattering. didn't get how people around me were doing it...my yoga teacher told me to slow down...to practice. said it deep, like the voice of thunder. said it with an accent that sounded closer to home than my own eighties-new-york-bred-voice, an alien to itself, thickened by asphalt and perpetual outsider-ness.

i guess what ties many of us together in majority not us places, is a perpetual other-ness. we engage in the bars in the park, pushing up, cause down is too easy. pulling up with chappals and a loongi around our waist, like a loin cloth, like we are about to climb a mango tree, because, there is no way but up. so immigrants have to succeed in security, or die trying. my folks did it till their nose was above water... i watch them with their ancient hands reaching above a plastic ocean, struggling to see me reach the end of this marathon with a trophy...

i see the struggle like scars on the face of most new york dudes, in odd mixes of folk. i see it, the struggle. the struggle, the it, that sits like a tattoo on my carotid arteries, looping the mind to heart emotional heaviness through a cricle of willis. when you work with your heart, the guru of islam tells us, then you are free of emotion. 

when i stray from surrender, my heart and mind are mangled by attachments to experiences this body has gone through, and the struggle of duniya engulfs me. i see the struggle and move to it, like an attica riot, like the battle for algiers, like a mama bear crossed by a hiker in yellowstone. 

i see it in the immigrant from bangladesh in shiny dollar store dress pants, selling fruit, toys, newspaper; who awkwardly people watches, than looks away, standing with one leg, in front of another, like a western woman. i see you, i tell him, wordlessly. 

i see the struggle. i see you.

i see it in my dude who stood in front of me in the after 8pm half off the warm food line at the supermarket, out here on hawthorne; his shoeless white feet muddied by the streets, his pale cheeks bruised by defeat; his long stringy hair falling over his blue eyes. i see you i say quietly, when we exchange glances for a moment. 

i see it in the somali teen walking toward the convention center for the eid-ul-adha prayer, who walks with jordans and tapered pants, with a charged americanism, in diammetric opposition to the soft beat of his father, who is dressed in the traditional garb of a dessert bedouin. i see you. 

i see it in my brother smack's face, when he walks through crowds with his eyebrows arched, head low, strut heavy. i see you. 

i see it in my big homie red man, when he walks with his shades, listening to whispers of wisdom from the wind, waiting for a bus to downtown portland, as he looks for meaning to diabetes, the rez, the sack of his land in the bottles of his bros on the streets.

i see it in my pops when he, in his seventies, is still taking the n to the 7 to the g, to get to brooklyn, and then the g to the a to get to jamaica, and then the a to the 7 to jackson heights, and then in deep fatigue, stumbling back through another 2 trains cause he can't afford a cab. i see you. 

i see it my moms who walks with a limping foot in flimsy platforms a size too big, up and down the same shopping strip in our town, for a sale on shoes that are within her bare budget and comes home without. i see you. 

you may read this, and say what are you doing about it? what kind of man are you? 

i've been running on a ferris wheel. been rushing from one attempt at change to another, leaping 4 steps at a time to catch the train to a meeting for justice for this and that, for building an us, cause there's a them, for a chick i been kicking it with, for a bk backyard bbq party pharoah is throwing, for another job interview, for a job before i get axed, for...

...decades pass, same block, same building, same negligent landlord, same increases in rent, in fruits and veggies, same search for sales on food at night, before the grocery store is closing. 

been doing the babylon-shuffle. even after a college degree, and a city job in education with insurance and security...left, cause it didn't feel right. 

what i'm doing, is manning up, by praying, by counting the beads on this tasbee, 99 times, the way i'd seen my quiet cachu-dada do; been bowing my head, as soon as the sun sets, wherever i am at, often times on asphalt, on grass, in an alley, if i'm deliberate, on a mountain, even amidst spits, whispers of feds, homeland security cracking my skull for praying to the One-ness - for you and me...

what i'm doing is surrendering to the teachings a little bit more every day. what you do all the time, is what you become, the guru muhammad taught us. move like vinyasa, write like schoepen, eat like ramana, pray like the grave were beside me, dikr like a destitute rapper repeating the words of a young nas and prodigy-khadafi till it brings him out of a miles davis winter in the city...

what i'm doing is remembering that i am ancient mathematics after forgetting and seeking wisdom from celebrities in alternative health, only to find bars in front of my face, that keeps us deliberately apart, so that postionality can be maintained. this week every naturopathic doctor i sought advice from,  told me sorry...no positions avaialbe, no time, no opportunities, but there was an event that i could attend...then prayer happens and i remember, in babylon, the frequency sets a tune of security. the doctors, aleternative or alopathic, are also in the struggle. they are seeking to maintain, to develop, cultivate positions of leadership...their answer lies in consuming their products...such is the way, and in prayer, a beautiful reminder of what is real and what is maya...

what i'm doing is doing nutrition, applying the teachings of the gurus, of heru, krsna, moses, jesus, muhammad...to the babylon theoreticals.  doing this so that nutritional biochem and helath coaching and fundamentals of nutrition and the psych of nutrition are more than just the lectures i sit in and question the purpose of. the teachers are not the teachers socrates said. the teachers can be found among the people, in death row, as was the case for plato. 

what i'm doing is showing up for those who have shown up for me, by no longer waiting for the end of a path but living in the path...so you get my time cousin, cause we are tribe; so here are my offerings at this moment, and i can support you, and you can support me. 

what i'm doing is doing the tribe, building the village, growing deeper in the doing through surrendering this ego...no pictures please...

eid ul adha 2015

audzu billahe minash shaituner rajeem, bismillah hiRahman, niRahim.

eid ul adha, the commemoration of sacrfice. we get to watch islam being sacrficied on our tvs, in the media, in our minds, all around us. the spirituality that brought us peace, justice, love, has been under crucifixion for the past 40 years.  bleeding...

sacrifice your mind to tune in to your heart. 

this is the message: shhhhhhhhh...work from the inner-qibla.

say a prayer for syria, for iraq, for nigeria, for mali, for the ughers, the rohini's (muslims of burma under slaughter by the buddhist majority government), for iran, for palestine, for libya, for sudan, for eritrea, for somalia, for afghanistan, for native america, for black america, for el salvador, puerto rico, ayiti, for people under nucelar holocaust, for the ancient civilizations being decimated like mohawks and mohegans, and painted as the savages...

say a prayer. more importantly, make your purpose peace, real peace, the kind that requires doing, the kind that peter tosh reminds us has to do with justice, as: everyone keeps talking about peace peace peace, but we need justice, justice, justice...to do this requires sacrifice. 

all praise is due to the One for this opportunity to Surrender.

look outside your window. flashing red and blue lights. a hundred cops in triple-bullet proof. desert storm weapons drawn, towards your home, where you reside with mama, poppa, wifey, hubbie, kids. perhaps by yourself. 

you hear your first name and last name through a muffled bullhorn. get out of the house now! and surrender yourself! 

exclamation, marks their speech. authority is their recitation. demand, control. judgement is their positionality. idols.

are you an idol worshipper? will you go out? i might, if my family was there, if i were to think of everyone else besides me. but i would never surrender. 

the  path of surrender reminds us that surrender is only reserved to the/for the/(and in the deeper realms) in the, ONE. 

my hands are up, like abraham, like the sacrificial lamb, to truly Surrender (islam) to the One. 

hands up and no cops kicking down my door. hands up and no stick up kid jutting a .44 to my kidney.

hands up, cause One, cause of losing self to gain Self, cause in the sacrifice of the seeming good life, is the Real life.

how are you sacrificing? are you ready to let go? what are you willing to part with? 

my brother, one-who-knows-ALLAH, sent me a message from his spirit retreat in the mountains just over a week ago: the Essence, by way of pancha-mama, has sent me this message for you: move and work from the heart. 

western science lives in the brain. work from there can only lead to books and knowledge. the wisdom of the teachings of the prophet muhammad mustafa salllalahu wallaihe wasalam, is to work from the heart to Know. real Knowledge is in the letting go, is in the sacrifice of what appears real, for the Real. 

Real is within, in the heart. the heart is the qibla, the inner-compass that directs us towards the vibration of Harmony. the mind falls prey to thoughts that create emotions. the Heart feels without emotion. use this compass towards your every move - how you walk, talk, move, spend your time. every moment is an opportunity to worship, as the Purpose is to worship by way of your unique gifts, talents, purpose. 

are you ready? lets do it together. tell you what, this is what i'm going to sacrifice...money, fear, control, being-right. how? 

i am at the end of a cricumference in the academic portion chapter of my life, in advancing this path of traditional medicine man, by way of ayurveda-unani-yoga. 

along the way of this path, i kept telling myself that it was a goal, and instead of working and growing in the present, i have been in dimly lit cafes studying, in lecture halls scribbling, in long walks imagining the end of this path towards the goal. 

in growing deeper in this path, by way of bowing, by way of asana practice, it has become clear to me that the present isn't a speech on meditation. the sweat on my brows, leaking from ajana chakra and muladhara chakra, leading into kalari kicks and and adha-badha-pashimotonasana, all make it clear. the path is in the doing. do. 

to do, sacrifice ego, sacrifice the fear of rejection, of attempting to control the outcome. the work is in the doing. practice. so this is what i have to say for myself. i will be the traditional medicine man by doing nutritional assessments. i will do this by creating a nutritional assessment form, setting up a sliding scale based clinic, offering follow ups, utilizing the knowledge i am gaining on herbs, and the science of food, to do my work. i will use my studies for practice, for as the tradition of the prophet makes clear, if the focus of study is un-aligned with your purpose/with your work, then it becomes useless. 

to make knowledge useful, focus it on your purpose, use it towards your purpose. 

sacrifice the ego. there is work to be done. mass migrations are occuring. indigenous ways being further extinguished, taker cultures appropriating and becoming the guards of the indigenous ways. do something by doing, by doing from Love, from Purpose. you know what to do. 

surah 31: al luqman

31:12 the Essence said to luqman: be greatful and praise Essence, he who is greatful is only greatful for the needs of his own soul; but if anyone is ungreatful, surely ALLAH is self-sufficient and praiseworthy.

luqman conveyed this to his son by telling him to associate none with the One. there is only One...

the crux of this science of surrender (islam) is accepting in totality the math of this problem we face as a species - individualism, greed, ego, self-centeredness, sensory-movement/decision making. it's leading to wrong answers, faulty solutions, and in turn head-scratching, binge eating, alcoholism, sexaholism, cyberworldism, etc. the solution is 1ness, the problem is in us. we pose it. the answer lies not in words, nor knowledge, as information is itself a frequency of chaos, but in the Creation...

31:27 if all the trees on earth were pens, and the sea,  ink, and seven more seas added, truly the words of ALLAH would not be exhausted, for ALLAH is Almighty and Wise. 

the language of ALLAH is everywhere, omnipresent, and each, potentially omniscient in a togetherness, in community; for each holds the code, the genetic information, the 23 x and 23 y, the dna of Life, Essence...

this One-ness is so essential to understanding in this path of al Haq, Truth, that even those who are most highly regarded, most deeply pedastalicized in the path of surrender - your parents - would have to be contested on this point.

31:14 We have enjoined man to show kindness to his parents, for his mother bears him in hardship upon hardship, and it takes two years to wean him. give thanks to Me and your parents. All will return to Me. 29:15 but if they press you to associate something with me which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. yet be kind to them in this world and follow the path of those who turn to Me. 

the 1ness is central to the scientific path of spirituality. this clarity is exposed, made clear through quiet contemplation, reflection in/on nature. shhhh... this understanding comes from Guidance. our parents serve as immediate guides and in no way should ever be condescended on. instead they should be loved, respected, listened to, taken care of. the contention should eschew excuse to misbehave/mistreat those who have ushered us into being, into adulthood. 

as luqman instills in his son the lessons of this path of surrendering to 1ness, he emphasizes this lesson of kindness to guardians, parents, elders, the community, others...

31:17 o my dear son! say your prayers regularly, enjoin good and forbid evil, and endure patiently whatever may befall you.....31:18 .....and do not walk with pride on the earth, for behold, ALLAH does not love arrogant and boastful people. 

these lessons provide guidance and a value system that lies in a stark contrast to the rebel culture of do you, i do me, f everyone else who isn't me. ultimately, scientifically, this is self-destrucitve, as it causes the inability of the body to recognize self; and in the process of what the body believes to be carrying out as homeostasis, it attacks itself. this is called auto-immune disease. 

we, of the taker culture, in both west and east, north and south, are in a state of auto-immune-disease - aids. 

the importance of this value, of this truth - 31:30 because ALLAH is the Truth - is that interdependence is not an act of altruism, benevolence, charity, but a necessity to homeostasis, balance.

31:28 Creating and resurrecting all of you is like creating and resurrecting a single soul.

hence the One-ness, hence the need for us to figure it out together, to go beyond the liberal notion of to each's own. we are each others keeper and need to figure it out, and the greatest step we can take is coming together in community, through the act of Surrendering to the One-ness, by way of dedicated worship in all acts...all praise is due...

31:33 ...let not worldy life beguile you, nor the deceiver deceive you concerning ALLAH.  31:34 Truly ALLAH alone has knowledge of the hour. ALLAH sends down the rain and knows what is in the wombs. no soul knows what it will bear tomorrow and no soul knows in which land s/he will die. surely ALLAH is all knowing, all aware.