this lament is repeated in several of the surahs i've come across...thinking happens when the mind is surrendered and the heart rises like the moon...at the stroke of midnight, while the rest of the world sleeps...as nehru eloquently placed the birth of a new nation, at the treachorous cost of an ancient one, carved and dissected for war, and rumors of a war...
...thinking means, requires surrender, abandon of the chase and the stagnation, by way of the lub dub...
lub dub is the beat of the universe, it is what all species are in tune with...no need to market yourself as the founder of lub dub, or credit your community as the first to discover it...if you do, you may be suffering from a false sense of self, as none of us are an island...
all praise is due for every opportunity, even when the world weighs like hate speech etched in aluminum and depleted uranium and dropped on the minds of tens of millions...
...the heart may be stopped but the spirit continues, life cycles, another birth, another burial...as i write this, as you read...it's happening...just a cycle...what is the meaning...?
...the journey...
you and i are here in this realm at this moment, and some have dropped off between the last sentence and this...this is life...moments of breath...are you breathing...?
expectation to be more than, to be what it is you may not be, have what you don't have, etc., will lead to stagnation, to the bedroom, the blanket, the internet, shopping, porn, blunts, wine and gin and vodka, eating out, binging, staying up till 3 watching the 18th episode in a row of the show you just started, texting for hours, dropping pills for sleep, calcium, vitamin c, digestion, indigestion, constipation, anxiety, depression...
dope. dopamine. quick fix. getting doped up from breaking bad, from the vodka and milk, from big butt dot com, from coffee and croissants, from zoloft and selexor, from quarter pound angus burgers, from another certification, another degree, from dropping fists on the weak, from cussing others out, from pocketing pocket watches, from being branded, and in the know...
baby, take off your cool...
get to Know You...
...what is that you are avoiding? what is it that keeps you in: stuck, glued to can't's and i suck, and my life sucks, and no point, and not today, and if only i had this, then that...????????????
i believe it is when we forget to see life for what it is - a moment in a series of moments, all of which pass, none of which there is a returning to, but all of which shape us and everyone around us...
play King/Queen. get in the game. try. you are royalty, from the most divine lineage, regardless of what anyone has told you, regardless of whether your family struggles with rent money and food, whether you are considered to be alien in citizenship status in the country you reside in, whether your complexion is anathema to arbitrary standards of beauty, whether you are discreet and humble in a loud and indiscreet realm, whether you are too old or too young....
you are of the origin of the Infinite, the Source of Peace, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate...
...this moment, no matter how challenged and confusing, and painful, and difficult it is, is a gift...how?????
every problem provides an opportunity for us to get deeper, to grow, to let go with surrender and purpose...
this requires grapple, this requires struggling through with embrace, this requires being fully present...
are you fully present? are you here now? are you listening? what is your stuck telling you? what's keeping you in the cycle of depression, anxiety, unemployment, addiction...?
you say you don't feel your good enough? what makes you feel that way? you are being rejected? okay...how many times? rejection is good. means you are playing. but are you? are you playing or did you try a couple of times and throw your hands up? did you really try? did you learn from what you did before? or do you keep doing the same thing? if someone were to give you a ball and told you to throw it and get it through a hoop and you kept missing, do you quit? how about trying to do it differently? how about trying a different stance, a different twitch of the wrist...
get deeper, do it differently...
most importantly, do it from within. a lot of self-help and motivational talks focus on things from a business perspective. that's because they worship capital, the dollar - in god we trust - yes, they trust in manipulation, hoodwinking, etc. and because they've made millions from it, they want to share their success stories with you, and when you try it out and try to fit it to your purpose and it doesn't work, you get down, depressed, feel stuck and inept...
work from within, from the Surrender, whether this leads to financial gain or not. recall, at every instance that just as you were five years ago, this moment will be a past, and go just as quickly.
we are in a running river and are holding on to rocks and branches against the tide, our arms and legs becoming stiff, turning yellow...why, of course...we are going against the course of nature...
you have a purpose, and it lies in the pain, in your particular struggle...embrace it...go deeper...
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