destination in the now

letting go to give to make space to re-emerge to coalesce...

seasons of change are always. this is as unusual a time as always. haven't had bombs dropped on me today, but i have, i am torn to shreds in several parts of kabul and mosul and alleppo and mogadishu and sinai and gaza and north irleand and if time and space are a continuum and no past or future, no beginning no end, than the dakotas, and kansas and the rebellion of crazy horse and geronimo, figures memorialized by taker cultures these days, the same ones who condemn the rebellion of the condemned, the assaulted...no comment...Quiet...it's in your head...

let go...let go of the last paragraph and spend all day with you in the zoo even though it breaks my heart to see bengal tigers roam in and 7x8, to see crocodiles stacked like the new grand mac, to see eagles with winds clipped...even though...i see You...and there is something nice about it, about it being human interaction, about our opportunity to delve into a past and make sense of us, of kindling a fire that sparks a feeling of High...

spark again. in the park this time. on the benches. hat back, goatee drifting between an islamic past and a rebel-in-america present...no button-downs and ties, no slacks and shoes to dance your corporate walk for you - white/brown/black/yellow-corporate man...

i'm in the trenches, returned to the place of my birth, at the death of a million, at the blood sun that dawned like us in central park, between classes, watching planets we thought were stars...

...gave up national flags for mudras that symbolize five elements - Air Land Liquid Atmosphere Heat - the number 5. charged, electrified in a dozen tribes, 144. around the table with the sun. planets that orbit in Surrender (islam), to One (ALLAH).

thing is, you love the language when there is none of the translation. soon as you see that these ideas are not mine, that they are derived from what was written, in their arabic translations, it becomes anathema. you cringe. why?

on february 26th 2017, what i learned is to let go, to Create. that i found myself in west philly, in the mirror of brownsvilled and newark, where muslim beards are combed out in a hope out...i found myself moving just as fast as the caddy's on the narrow 2-ways, pushing grit out fast enough to leave something without having spent time with that something to clean it out, to dissolve to absolve, to transform...

sit with what's before you. take heed. otherwise you are bound to be strangled by it. otherwise you are bound to be in noose of deceit, consumerism, hatreds...

clean house. clean...the destination was a lie. there's nothing there. that is, if you are looking to purchase to obtain a thing, to get that job, cloth, shoe, asana-pose, knowledge to regurgitate...that is, destination is in the journey.

the journey is breath, is love, is work, is presence, is giving of yourself from a place of equanimity, for a place of destination, of the pose you want ti be, of hand stand, is in samasthiti, is in the walk in the movement, in the interaction of food. that is everything is in everything else. so it doesn't matter if you practice writing, or herbs, or juicing, or nutrition or selling scarves on the stree. it's in each of these things, and the less the name, the less the fame, the deeper, the Realer, the Closer to the One

...all praise is due...bow down and do. focus on one thing. clear space. presence in the clearing. breathe. give. give. give. with gratitude.

what would you attribute to our success in marriage, i asked a friend. he said, quoted the Recitation (Qur'an) - do good deeds. 

peppermint

peppermint has always been medicine for me. i dreamt about her. last night. this morning.

she looked the same as i recall from our adolescence, from our conversations that spanned central park, down manhattan, into brooklyn, and sometimes even onto the staten island ferry.

she was stunning, how i remember her, freckles like star dust, emerald eyes glowing like a jewelery shop in indian country in the grand canyon. she came in with  a friend to ammu n abbu's, gracing past the dignified dining quarters into the britannica library living room. her presence laid clear synchopation with the ancient mathematics of my folks. my mom held her like tomorrow, and my dad celebrated them like comrades from the days of revolutionaries in algiers, in calcutta.

we should marry, i thought. i should've stayed true to our promise, about if ten years from now, neither of us are married...

regrets. contrition. questions, second guesses. what-if's...

i was in the kitchen, the chambers of alchemy, where my mom made vegan dragon soup with the sorcerer's spatula, and a chai only known to rickshawallah's and university students in mysore, dhaka, delhi.

while they mingled, engaged in seamless conversation, abbu joking about the difference in arabic between her palestinian and her friend's morrocan, i held court in the kitchen, flashing back through our time together.

while i pondered weak and weary upon many a quaint and curious volume of our yesterday's lore - i noticed. his hand held hers. he looked older, solemn, beautiful in his grey hair and stubbles. she was the same - lucid, fearless, brilliantly present while clearly rooted in a billion years ago, in the earth and the stars.

they were leaving. her garb majestically flowing, while he walked beside her. my folks trailed, like parents, like villagers who walk their guests out the door, onto the street, into the clouds...

all praise is due...she left her medicine behind...truth...

in moments of doubt - seek Guidance

all praise is due fo you for you in my life, if you are reading this, if you have heard, if we never met, if you are the one dropping bombs and the one being bombed...i thank u for giving me the reflections to understand a little deeper what homeostasis may mean...prayers for the struggle...

i put on a random sermon this morning, during the space between asana practice and meditation...into my meditation, i found my heart anticipating the words of the faithful (iman)...he said that during times of doubt, during times of confusion, to ask for Guidance. this is done through a special 2 rakat movement of connection (salat), followed by asking (dua)...

but, the faithful said, asking from a place of disconnect will lead to greater nebulousness...that is, the special prostration in Connection only makes sense when there is already Connection. and in turn, this prayer is rendered unnecessary. that is, looking to go into an inversion after practicing asana a few times a year will amount to little or no result, and, in fact, it can lead to injury...

the Connection, allows for clear channels of communication to occur, to receive, to recite. recite! recite! recite!

in the absence of Connection...no words come to mouth...in the absence of Connection the west and its loquacious expertise spews forth like daggers - false idols we pray to every time we celebrate "experts", celebrities and brand names, designer coats, and shoes, and perfumes...

Connection, the faithful reminded us, me, is to do that which is decreed - good deeds, practice compassion like an asana sequence, give, be open hearted, open walleted, open in your benevolence - to do and do with humility - what your right hand does, your left shouldn't know about - shhhh...

so i ask...as i get into the asana of karma yoga - of selfless service to community, of giving, of dealing with social justice...all praise is due...what is the sequence? which asana first? what will warm me up? what is the surya namaskar of giving, of doing good deeds - to smile, to keep low eyes, to not seek Glory...

afterall, the faithful reminded me, and all praise is due for this mufti...that asking like all else, like the moon sun and planets, are within the Laws...to ask is rooted in a couple of key questions - will it bring you Closer: 1. in Spirit 2. in the earthly realm 3. in the hereafter...

i must say...in growing deeper in my meditations of ancient mathematics, without literature, with only Quiet reflection in the big bang of subway movement, i have grown to understand the importance of the after life, i have come to realize the centrality of the after life, in ancient cultures...the ancient egyptians dedicated their entire lives to the after-world. when i say entire lives, i mean it from my context of coming to believe that this is it, that this is the biggest deal, that we only have one life, that we should enjoy every moment...the people of the vedas dedicate their lives to releasing karma of past deeds, of liberating from this body. i understand this in the meditation of vipassana - Quiet...

i unlearned this in celebrating loud, flamboyance, of watching myself identifying so heavily with oppression, of being what the hurt lashed out in condemning those with my names, color, past, etc., that i sought to be seen by them, to be acknowledged by them...of course the only them was my own hurt - hurt seeking validation from hurt...i celebrated those who were also loud and branded...

...the truth is in the Quiet...

i realize this in my young cousin fish, who teaches me what the path of Surrender means through his deeds, through his humility and selfless service - thank you young warrior...

the asana sequence is this - smile, connect eyes, hands together in my Highest to Yours, compliment from a place of sincerity, of depth (more than "your shoes are nice" - what's deeper about this person that You see...), salutations, peace and blessings, offer support in seeing through this person's Purpose...

i ask for clarity in the focal point of this path - if there was one thing - i do believe it's true - that the gut is the harbinger of much of the disease state, but i also recognize that the mind and gut can't be divorced, and that the mind, not the brain is the gateway to the realms, and through Connection with Spirit, with earth, we can be disease free. that is, the gut earth axis is learning to understand that earth is us and we are the earth and that to treat our bellies well means to treat the earth well, and when we don't, when we harm the earth, no matter how much good we do, we hurt ourselves.

i began thinking stress brain gut. then pain brain gut. but in meditating deeper on this, i realize that it's not just the gut. that much of the issues we face can be addressed with the gut. and it's not just the brain. that much of the issues we face may be the way we receive/process information. but instead, one of the greatest issues, is our disconnect from the unity of outside in and inside out...this is what allows for all the othering...so the gut earth mind axis...i'll have to ask Essence...

the question is what will bring me Closer, bring me closer to fulfilling my duties here, and close to a clear after-realm...?

full moon feb 2017: give

tayseer barakat

let go of holding on...

this ties the past few months together. holding on prevents declutter, hoards space, occupies breath others could be taking...

full moon. a snow moon. a moon that holds scripture, written in Quiet. read in Quiet...been reading recitation on the dark side of the moon and found Light...wondered what happened to pink floyd, to the credence clearwater revival band - why they only saw dark and sad and hurt...what's happened to those in the taker cultures that make them so hurt, empty, sad...from bon iver to rick ross...the unity of seeming opposites in the great hollow...

counting beads as i write this...beads that fall through the pulsations of my heart, into circulation, into the humble of eyes that lower before you and you and you...eyes in alignment with One. for a second.

listen to sattvic cadences in recitations, in the Quiet, in preparing for death as most ancient cultures were committed to...

life, i'm learning from the ancients, is a preparation for death, for that which is Real, Always, Nothing, Everything...

no 7 figure motivational speaker to point to, no celebrity vaidiyas or nutritionists or guru's. just the teachings left by a prophet with no profit motivation. just a healer of the blind and stirrer of the people into a love train headed straight for the oval office to revolt, to transform...

all praise is due to prophets for the full moon, for the reminder of the full moon, the moon as a marker of time and space and renewal. felt the renewal happening earlier, when i walked with my head in the snow and left the cafe and friends with a light foot, an empty head, a clear heart. all praise is due...

today i mourned the 15000 men hung in secret torture prisons of the assad-russian-u.s.a back government. odd that these groups seem to be at odds. they seem to have no qualms in their homicidal heinous humiliation campaigns. peace and prayers for their hearts.

i often wonder what i can do to really be of service, to give to myself the refugee, the war torn, the bondaged, the prisoner, the tortured, the starved, the empty and desperate, to me the beggar, the undocumented, the confederate supremacist, the racial theatricalists...

wonder how i could help, how i became hidden in ritual, in asana and shivasana.

last month i let go of getting it right by trying, by letting myself get messy, by allowing my mess to be public - let myself fall in forearm stand and attempts at handstand. getting close. practicing without a wall has brought me closer.

the month before, i sought to make space for new by letting go of stuff.

this year's intention is to drift into focus. one thing at a time. finish one thing and then move on. see it from start to finish.

this month i give of myself. i let go of trying to do it all, myself, of procrastination, of i'll give this to her/him another day, by instead, opening my arm in speech and gaze and wallet and offerings of service to all that need it, that can benefit from what i've come to learn. offer through my website, so that others can benefit and grow deeper in their connection with self and Self and others.

let go of focusing on knowing more before i can give, by letting the giving be my teacher. giving up doing it alone and hoarding what i know, by opening my arms to others for collaboration and barter and for me to be a partner that is open to their lead, and also taking lead...giving by creating materials and resources that can give...giving my all to the projects i work on, to you, to meeting with you and spending time with you and loving you with open heart, with the flirtation of the Lover - ever-present, ever loving, ever star-gazing, ever giving....