3 days ago i stared through traffic, through inching on the fdr, on 72nd, on lexington...i stole glimpses through restless eyes, hungry for bed, for home...with no one here, in this apartment i traversed bodies in - infancy, childhood, adolescence, 20's 30's - home is foggy, unclear, an anxious response to a yes no question...
full moon in may, in the maya, in the face of comments and likes and dislikes, in the space of transactional interactions based on money marketing sensuality...
hands up, this time to sing qawwal. this time to skat and wail to tablas, to float like a banshee and land on the dome on the rock, before returning to mecca, at the blink of an eye...the whole universe passes through the eye of a needle in ALLAH's universe...
i wonder if i am a cell or a microbe, part of the microbiome or a tissue in an organ...i wonder sometimes, if there will be applause at the end, like in the shows, like how every show in childhood inculcated a sense of big deal, like cash, like some prize that could be held, that people everywhere, the omnipresent audience cried for, laughed for, applauded for...no such moment...never was...it's a continuum...life...it is a never ending cycle...our moments are merely a portion of that...
prospects arise like unicorns these days, and dissipate like a dream that drifts with each step taken after awaking...
...yet...and still...i am clapping...this time for that which is Real, which is Always...which is Known to those who Know...ya ALLAH...
...this time my applause for you comes from that place of ALWAYS...celebrating you for the Love You Are...when i see You, when i look past you, when i get past myself, when i get past my judgements and fears and opinions, when i get past the training of nyc, of the education systems, of expectation, i Listen and smile, and pray, an applaud...
...last month, last full moon, my intention was to focus on just this path...
...this month i learned that purpose is more than individual purpose, more than being a teacher, or a poet, or a writer, or a medicine man...Purpose is about what service you are providing to the One-ness, to shaping the One-ness, going beyond glory in aligning with Glory...
...that is, the prophet jesus was a healer, but this wasn't his purpose...his purpose was to draw people closer to ALLAH, to being compassionate, to being forgiving, to coming from a place of Love...through his healing work, he spread this message...through the time he spent healing others, he did this...
...this month, this full moon to next one, i let go of this individual purpose as an end in itself, and in place, i embrace Purpose by using my healing work to draw others closer to each other, to building community, to communing with and loving the earth, and each other, and prayer...i do this by making herbal medicines for people to support detox, to support their organs, and mind being detoxed, i do this through offering dynamic counsel to support detoxing the mind, to listen, to encourage compassion, i do this by giving what i have, being fearless in this, not worrying about my ideas being stolen or not, my hard work being coopted or not - getting out of this "my" frame of thought, and instead giving my all from where i'm at in life...all praise is due...
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