bout it

be about it...bout it bout it...

what are you about? why?

are you about night life? night time? cool? impressions, impressing...who? why? what are you chasing...?...

...at the party last night...the brother told me that he lost sense before the car crashed, before his car was totaled...he woke up in the hospital tied to machines, injections, cables stringing him up...he appeared alright, cause as he was speaking, i was checking him out, checking to see if he was okay...

...it hurts he said, it really hurts...but yo man, i'm blessed, i am so blessed and wake up every morning saying this these days...that i'm blessed...all praise is due...

...i would've agreed with him...but recently, i've been wondering...been wondering about this, about where we are at...this ephemeral being, where things are constantly changing, never the same, even when it appears to be...that people constantly come and go...that this is a swivel door, and sometimes at the pace of blur...so what's the point...?...

...and if the path of spirit is to bring us closer to that which is Always, and that is what we long for, and this is the maya, then why is there such great investment in this?...why was bro so glad that he was still here?...

...part of it was that he had a a kid and grandkid...a young grandfather...a tie, a tether, something to tie him to this world...

...but, if you don't? then what?...hmmm...deep...people are our tether...we are in need of others...we need them to survive, for our own sustenance and mental health, and well being...the article on alzheimers between the u.s. and india showed this...that there was a lower incidence of alzheimer's among village indians...then affluent elders in america...they traced this to the social climate...the social environs...

...we need each other...and what kept bro alive was that, his being needed, and feeling he needed to...

...this is the key ALLAH offers us through scripture...to do good deeds, to serve humanity, to serve the Creation...all beings, all life..sereve...my dad told me..tells me, told me when we spoke on the phone a few days ago...has told me for decades...i can forgive you for most everything, but not for failing to serve your fellow being...

...the purpose of being here is to serve...to serve...to be there for others...to do...to have this be your meditation...and those who don't want your service? learn from them...take the feedback, and give, with Love, and leave with Love, and continue to Love and serve...

...as the prophet muhammad (s.a.w) tells us, let your work be your worship...work with worship...

...he also tells us to walk with the grave besides us...to walk like a traveler with the grave besides us...

...as a traveler i am in tuned, alert, new, in a state of a new slate, starting all over, starting from the beginning, seeing things like a baby...

...Love...give...work...be what you wish to receive...treat with Love, unconditional, as if it was you being treated this way - with care, with love, with joy, with happiness...with welcome...

...and focus...work with focus...your task is clear...and the thing is...none of us know...or atleast i don't know if i'm ever going to be a form again, and that's probably why so many musicians put out the line one life to live...i don't know about that either, but i do know that being a human is an opportunity, a brief one, and if this is a gift, how can be a Gift to life...?...

...service...work...focus...simplicity...

living in alignment

...with your values...your values are to be one with One, to be in a state of Peace, by being unconditional Love...to do this by being in a way that is lived, that is in thought, as thought informs action...

...you can't expect it from others, but you can be this for others...if you want others to be golden with their word, and find deception, underhandedness, craftiness, etc...this is an opportunity for you to go deeper in your truth, in being what you wish for, as they are you and you are them and if they can't treat you with that respect and love and acceptance, then you can treat them with it...Love...

...keep it pushing with Love...even if it feels you want to avenge your pride...let go of your ego...be Peace...give...One...be impeccable with your word, love, deed, peace, giving...this is short...the whole thing comes down to deeds...

...doing right deeds means doing from a place of pranayama - deep breathing, letting go of ego - the lesson, the closed doors, the rejections, are an opportunity to go deeper in your Love, to let go of this sense of me, pride, to observe the deep attachment to ego, to this sense of self, which constantly seeks reward, and when not rewarded, feels punished, hurt...

...instead, taking the shut doors as an opp, as a gift, to go deeper, in honesty, in truth, in practicing what you wish to see, building this sanskara/s...

full moon october 2017

...today...beautiful...an evolution of this ceremony, as it was in community...it's good to pray alone, better to pray in community, the prophet tells us...all praise is due for this man, this Light, who has allowed me to stay on earth and not in a place of burial, due to rituals, due to the teachings of the importance of constancy, of maintaining grounded in that which is Always..

...odd...in the ephemeral world we, i, am so attached to, at times, we cling, ground in something we feel to be real, but then what happens to everything, every moment? gone...no scientist has figured out how to bring the last second back...

...as people i know step outside this cafe i sit in, to have a cipher around weed, around puffing, i am reminded of a period when my life was a community of smoke, of being dazed, of only feeling comfortable in communion through indulgence in altered mind states...and ultimately, further from self, from Self, deep in a bottomless pit of emotional strife...

...through the teachings, through the sittings, through the pause...ALLAHooAkbar...drowned in the Infinite...

...in mundane terms this is fresh juices, vegetarianism/veganism, fasting, connection (salat), bowing down...bowed down four times today, looking forward to the fifth...asana practice, pranayama, walks, and writing...listening tuning in to the sattvic and building community around this...

...today i handled some biz, took a test, steadfast in my rituals - prayer, yoga, abhyanga - today i got deeper in my splits and hollow bodies, and tuck ups, and handstand practice...today i got deeper in my intake of medicines - had skullcap at home, had nettles, had dandelion, all as singles, had herbal tea blends at the cafe...

...today, i was reminded of how important it is to be in a state of Love and Joy for others when they share what makes them happy, what brings them joy, what makes them happy...instead of feeling grief, instead of using it as an opportunity to evaluate yourself, and your own unhappiness, and shortcomings, while they are speaking, which informs disdain, resent, anger, haterisms...

...give up the haterisms, be among the tribe of isa and musa and muhammad...be among those who dissolve their bodies in the stars, shuddering at the glimpse of how small we are, and learning in the process how free we are to be Beauty, to be amongst the circle of stars....

...give up the haterations, the resent, by delving into your pain, letting it go, release it, transform it into that which can help others...that can grow and support...writing does this for me, walking,moving, being in movement, in flow, in connecting with You and You and You, does this for me...

...today, i got up, feeling my highs, and my lows...during this fast...and felt strong in the yuj, the union with One, One-ness, in staying connected with the remembering why i Am here...to be of service, to be of service through maintaining focus on that which is Always through my offerings, which involve community, which involve accountable relations, and when those are absent, walking towards this aspiration, without expecting, without expecting you to do the same, and instead taking joy in your joy, even if that is in the opposite direction, because our paths are different...

...this full moon, conviction in community expanded through moon salutations by the ganga of ithaca, cayuga lake, in community with my spirit-cousin, who bowed down with me, referring to our movement as moonment...as we shared reflections with one another throughout the day...

...today was halleleuja, because of focus, not despite...of staying clear, and steering clear of emotion...watching hunger pangs as i strolled past restaurants and imagined all the things i'd eat after, after all was said and done....and watched, as goenka-ji of vipassana encourages us all to do...i watched and noticed...this body...it's addiciton...it's desires...and noticed how it still moves, regardless, that it still operates, so then what are these pangs...?...

...then i applied this to emotions in other spheres, expectations, disappointments, what would it mean to fast from emotions, from emotional responses?...what would it mean to work with Love without emotion? to move, the way i have moved today, without food, without feeding my taste buds, and doing this with emotional state, without an investment in outcome, but instead working towards a Higher, towards an embrace of Higher together...?...

...this month, this past month, i was working towards letting go of perfectionism by allowing myself to be vulnerable and doing this specifically by putting forth my gifts, in the form of medicine, and writings...i did this on a low scale in a safe way, that maintained my complacency...

...this full moon, i let go of low stakes, of keeping myself in complacency by being in low stakes, by avoiding the risks i need to take that will leaving me reaching High...and instead i reach high, real High, i reach through building high stakes, by creating the circumstances to reach High...in yoga, in cooking, in offering these, my herbs and writings, and medicines for, with others, in building community...in doing this by focusing on the Beauty, by not ignoring the ugly, and the hard, and difficult, but seeing these challenges as challenges, as opportunities, ad gifts from the High to allow me to grow deeper, to reach Higher, to figure it out...

...what i need to figure out is how can i love you despite my expectations, despite complete lack of accountability, despite it all...and i think i can by staying focused on what i Am here to do, which is to Love, to write, to make and give and be medicine, to work towards other Lovers to be in communion with and offer Love for those who are hurt and maintain distance, an unaccountability...

...i need to figure out how to make the medicines i'd like to offer without having all the ingredients and equipment and packaging....and i can by bartering, by investing, by taking the time to do the work in making these medicines....

...asking, listening, speaking less, listening more...moving in meditation, being I, being I, despite it all, without allegiance to image and audience and rejection and criticism...happy cause you are, and gladdened by your crtitiques instead of pained...

...all praise is due...all praise is due...all praise is Always due...

victim of cicumstance

...through thick fog, i worked, because i had to, because there was a deadline, an audience, a performance, an evaluation, high stakes...

...what is it about high stake, and audience, and deadlines...the combination thereof, that makes us produce...?...i think its because, we ultimately want the approval of others, we naturally feel an accountability to others, and require structures to do it...

...omar ali shah speaks on this, on the importance of circumstance...there is something to performance. to performers, even if its small scale...even it's at a porchfest...the crowd response is essential to the perfomers, and they prepare, rehearse, work on getting it right...

...things have to be high stakes for things to move...the spray of a broken-hearted man into a crowd of concert-goers, leaving a pool of blood, leaving a generation of trauma, will permanently change things...

...the high stakes of freedom led to freedom movements that left people willing to sacrifice their life for values, for a change, one they might see...

...what are the ingredients of high stakes? a deadline, an audience, a consequence - reward or punishment...

...in the absence of the high stakes, there is a lacksadaisical approach to your goals, there is a perfectionism that prevails, there is a constant procrastination, because it is not due yet...it's not just right...

...so what to do? find out. apply for that position at that high stakes spot, that will require you to produce, that will require you to get it published. give them a date that you will have it by. then work like crazy!!!...with Purpose...from a place of One-ness...