...today...beautiful...an evolution of this ceremony, as it was in community...it's good to pray alone, better to pray in community, the prophet tells us...all praise is due for this man, this Light, who has allowed me to stay on earth and not in a place of burial, due to rituals, due to the teachings of the importance of constancy, of maintaining grounded in that which is Always..
...odd...in the ephemeral world we, i, am so attached to, at times, we cling, ground in something we feel to be real, but then what happens to everything, every moment? gone...no scientist has figured out how to bring the last second back...
...as people i know step outside this cafe i sit in, to have a cipher around weed, around puffing, i am reminded of a period when my life was a community of smoke, of being dazed, of only feeling comfortable in communion through indulgence in altered mind states...and ultimately, further from self, from Self, deep in a bottomless pit of emotional strife...
...through the teachings, through the sittings, through the pause...ALLAHooAkbar...drowned in the Infinite...
...in mundane terms this is fresh juices, vegetarianism/veganism, fasting, connection (salat), bowing down...bowed down four times today, looking forward to the fifth...asana practice, pranayama, walks, and writing...listening tuning in to the sattvic and building community around this...
...today i handled some biz, took a test, steadfast in my rituals - prayer, yoga, abhyanga - today i got deeper in my splits and hollow bodies, and tuck ups, and handstand practice...today i got deeper in my intake of medicines - had skullcap at home, had nettles, had dandelion, all as singles, had herbal tea blends at the cafe...
...today, i was reminded of how important it is to be in a state of Love and Joy for others when they share what makes them happy, what brings them joy, what makes them happy...instead of feeling grief, instead of using it as an opportunity to evaluate yourself, and your own unhappiness, and shortcomings, while they are speaking, which informs disdain, resent, anger, haterisms...
...give up the haterisms, be among the tribe of isa and musa and muhammad...be among those who dissolve their bodies in the stars, shuddering at the glimpse of how small we are, and learning in the process how free we are to be Beauty, to be amongst the circle of stars....
...give up the haterations, the resent, by delving into your pain, letting it go, release it, transform it into that which can help others...that can grow and support...writing does this for me, walking,moving, being in movement, in flow, in connecting with You and You and You, does this for me...
...today, i got up, feeling my highs, and my lows...during this fast...and felt strong in the yuj, the union with One, One-ness, in staying connected with the remembering why i Am here...to be of service, to be of service through maintaining focus on that which is Always through my offerings, which involve community, which involve accountable relations, and when those are absent, walking towards this aspiration, without expecting, without expecting you to do the same, and instead taking joy in your joy, even if that is in the opposite direction, because our paths are different...
...this full moon, conviction in community expanded through moon salutations by the ganga of ithaca, cayuga lake, in community with my spirit-cousin, who bowed down with me, referring to our movement as moonment...as we shared reflections with one another throughout the day...
...today was halleleuja, because of focus, not despite...of staying clear, and steering clear of emotion...watching hunger pangs as i strolled past restaurants and imagined all the things i'd eat after, after all was said and done....and watched, as goenka-ji of vipassana encourages us all to do...i watched and noticed...this body...it's addiciton...it's desires...and noticed how it still moves, regardless, that it still operates, so then what are these pangs...?...
...then i applied this to emotions in other spheres, expectations, disappointments, what would it mean to fast from emotions, from emotional responses?...what would it mean to work with Love without emotion? to move, the way i have moved today, without food, without feeding my taste buds, and doing this with emotional state, without an investment in outcome, but instead working towards a Higher, towards an embrace of Higher together...?...
...this month, this past month, i was working towards letting go of perfectionism by allowing myself to be vulnerable and doing this specifically by putting forth my gifts, in the form of medicine, and writings...i did this on a low scale in a safe way, that maintained my complacency...
...this full moon, i let go of low stakes, of keeping myself in complacency by being in low stakes, by avoiding the risks i need to take that will leaving me reaching High...and instead i reach high, real High, i reach through building high stakes, by creating the circumstances to reach High...in yoga, in cooking, in offering these, my herbs and writings, and medicines for, with others, in building community...in doing this by focusing on the Beauty, by not ignoring the ugly, and the hard, and difficult, but seeing these challenges as challenges, as opportunities, ad gifts from the High to allow me to grow deeper, to reach Higher, to figure it out...
...what i need to figure out is how can i love you despite my expectations, despite complete lack of accountability, despite it all...and i think i can by staying focused on what i Am here to do, which is to Love, to write, to make and give and be medicine, to work towards other Lovers to be in communion with and offer Love for those who are hurt and maintain distance, an unaccountability...
...i need to figure out how to make the medicines i'd like to offer without having all the ingredients and equipment and packaging....and i can by bartering, by investing, by taking the time to do the work in making these medicines....
...asking, listening, speaking less, listening more...moving in meditation, being I, being I, despite it all, without allegiance to image and audience and rejection and criticism...happy cause you are, and gladdened by your crtitiques instead of pained...
...all praise is due...all praise is due...all praise is Always due...
No comments:
Post a Comment