...this full moon... 11.29.21...

 ...day one million in the stars of the solar system of earthlings formerly bondaged to sautrnites and now a perceived free people... and i don't know about any of it other than what i hear cause i stopped reading after seeing i'd never finish even just the library my dad holds like a botanist in his garden

...i smell the pages of the 1950's, 60's and romance movements into my yoga poses forgetting to flow and sometimes so enraptured in a flow that i dive into a wonderland of love and Lovers... become a Lover that is without the hangups of modern man... of human inhibition and arrogance... tapped into a Source so Loving that i surrender into the breath that comes through... laughing, nodding, moving beyond age and time, clear in my lucidity, Love in my touch - words, eyes, hands, whispers, sway, inside... 

...inside this Love i breathe... so deep... 

....and there is only the trepidation that comes from being in Your presence... knowing this is all You... and honoring that through your ikra - to give more than take as it is in the giving that you receive... to do good from a place of Unconditional... to Reach, make Love, play, flirt, be transparent, honest, vulnerable... stunned, in awe, in every moment... Love You... 

...this moon, to Love and listen to the feedback... to give... to give my all in Love... taking risks... regardless of rejection and embarassment... 

...ground control... 11.15.21...

 ...ground control sends messages... emits radars... frequencies that miss me... that i missed... forgot to listen... forget to think about it... was reading the stars... constellations that my mom read in my palms... you will be married at some point... have three kids... and they will fall in love with the Way... and cherish and protect us as they plant seeds for the village of lift off...

...tell my wife i lover her very much... 

...lift off through the circuit board malfunctions... wonder what will happen if i don't make it back to earth... 

...between worlds... i miss housing and job and bills... i neglect the flowers in the window... paddling my feet up and down mean streets that cheer up... cheered by up... up in a cheer... how many more ways is there to say what happened?... when?... how?... does this happen to everyone?... 

...the 6 hardeners of the heart doesn't seem to cover grief, confusion, existential quagmire... it seems to be premised on anger, lust/desire, jealousy/envy... but what about messing up because this doesn't make sense... and that i just want to write and not have to look for where my writing will be viewed by the most people and get me the most hits... i just want to play the piano... to strike chords... do a strike a chord with you?...

...i will be back again... and there are more places that i am saying that for... ithaca, philly, nyc, portland, montreal... haven't been there in `10 years... more... maybe... maybe baby... maybe... just maybe... 

...wanting to call you... to talk for hours... to run to you run to you run to you... darling... 

...radiohead... i bop to songs blaring through my body... electric impulses that whisper... before they shriek... 

...radio the waves to the aliens that i was... that i've become... that all of us worked for... mining gold... and now we mine data... that alien is the a.i.... the gold is the data... the colonized lives in us... is typing... is on the control board... until we realize we don't have to respond to signals from this board if we tune into the Tune of the One... 

...shadow boxing... 11.11.21...

 ...the shadows abound... for me... i see them in my love stories... in lovers who leave early, before sleep can entangle us in a dream... before we can know each other during breakfast... 

...i'm learning that your doing you feels hurtful because i'm not really doing me... i'm all over the place... scattered like u.s. bullets pelting earth wind and fire... 

...i'm ready... 

...up and running down albany and state... seeing who's around... blasting radiohead from my blue tooth and the dental insurance is too much and the brush and floss and oil all there... and the greens and onions... 

...i wanted you to put your hand on mine, to draw me into you, into fade, into stars that we'd watch from the field outside the observatory... 

...i was at the sandwich shop, my head covered in wool... my hands peeking out of the army jacket, to give change through the cut wrist glove, and i wanted you to notice, i wanted you to smile... blow a kiss...

...instead it's only your apparition that i dance with, talk like a scratched record that plays through the samskaras... and that's when it dawns on me - these are samskaras and i get to change them... i get to dissolved them from ice into smoke... space... constellation...