...friday... not december or january... towards the end of february... second to last friday... returned from the odyssey of yesterday... and i got stuck on the george washington after not taking a moment to pause before i left yesterday... taking the time to look at a map instead of vouching for google maps and gps to just look out for me... and it didn't... and i've gone through this pattern several times... so what could've been different... what was the pattern... not taking time to pause... not taking a few minutes to handle what would be important for this trip... preparation... pausing to prepare... what do i need to do to prepare? ... what do i need to let go of...?... running off... being deliberate...
...let go of rushing... of not taking time to pause... to handle what is important... at every moment of the day... especially before events like taking a long trip, driving, going to the printers, etc - to pause to see what i may need to have ready before i leave
...got back and left the magical wound of ithaca... suicide doors that swing with the cold winds... and am here in childhood... adolescence... in recluse... and not sure which way is best... but at the moment it feels best not to be involved in the job world... to grow deeper in my arts and see what happens... to give of mySelf... as much of mySelf... and see what happens...
...in the name of the Most...
...came back and during most of the drive and the way here thought of her and not seeing texts from her i wondered... trailed... lost... feeling my heart skip...
...and now i'm here... and in yoga listened to goenka... and he reminded us of equanimity... of unconditional Love... of Witness... of non-attachment... of Loving without attaching... without seeking to control... this is True Love... this would mean putting myself aside and Truly Being interested in the well being of another... of her... of others... of ammu abbu... cb... family friends...
...letting go of stuff means letting go of clutter - things i'm holding onto that keep me from full breath... without anxiety... without losing myself in clutter... in beliefs i've come to hold... of ways i've learned to read people... which i take personally... letting go means letting go of what i've come to believe is myself to let the imaginal cells do their magic so i could fly...
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