the devil plays mind games like mind craft and grand theft and shoot em up video's duck hunts...the devil lays whispers llike twilight vampires in the movie theatre, telling me to sink a little lower in the couch chair, till i am in my living room slouched and 8 hours have gone by in breaking bad binges that i swear to everything i will never do again...the devil tells me it feels so good to burn and sip and burn and puff and listen to music that has me making .22's out my hand - bang bang, harder than paint, wock flocka flame boy. i go harder than red paint, splatting people on the dance floor, so shorties can see my bravado inside my berretta like biggie smalls pretending gangsta through lyrics that have dudes in party shaking like ya, that's me...yeah, you're right, that is you, the fake, wanna be, lower you. the nafs. the devil kid.
exorcism is taking off your costume. stop trying to be down with the frequency of falsehood, of that which justifies your emotional disequilbrium. forget the shrink and the pity parties and talk that celebrates your role of being a victim. you are ancient mathematics. you. You. the Real You.
ancient is timeless, is never and nothing and always and everything all at once. all of a sudden the grave is clear. travel light. no new shoes necessary. my feet feel a million in this ancient mud. feeel a billion in my brothers beat up kicks, that my chachi-ma made in bangladesh outside the factory, where women in selawars came out of a 22 hour slave shift without a break. shhh...
alhamdulilah. that means all praise is due to the 1ness (ALLAH)...
learning the meaning in the meaning by listening, away from the lectures at the university. all praise is due to the heart, to speaking from a place of Higher. all praise is always due, so shhhh....
today, i recalled in my homeboy's breakdown, what was important. he shared his disease, how he nearly died and came back, but has been wondering about his mind, about whether he lost it somewhere along the way. been wondering where mine was...whether i was in the right, whether i knew what was right, what my purpose was.
my purpose is to be of service, to be abd'allah, abdullah, abdul jabar. i am a slave to the Compeller, compelled by Essence to do. doing is showing up for what is Real. what is Real is balance. we created you and spread you out, in different tongues, so you could learn each other. shhh...learn. be humble. listen, be kind by moving, walking, talking, thinking from Essence...
the Lover is always Love, is always them-Self, is ALWAYS.
today, i am a cafe bedouin, running from coffee cup to coffee shop, having a million conversations, writing here and there for no one. no source of income. no job. no employment forecasts. no one to financially support me. yet, today i am the full moon that is formed, that is always there, has always been there, even though it is concealed by blackened clouds crying transatlantic slave trades. today i am still, even as the coffee stirs my nerves into ecstastic seizures. today i am figuring it out.
today, Source energy tells me to stay put in the neighborhood, tells me that i am not missing out on something happening somewhere. today i learn that being present, showing up for friends is important, even when it means hours of listening...
today my brown was osiris, trayvon, iraqi, sadhu, muahmmad, public enemy...
it's after 10pm. 90 degrees has become 55 after the rains earlier today, and my leg hairs stand like empire penguin men with babies on their feet, in mass huddles that would have the feds gunning down the community through mass media outlets calling them cults. waco. philadelphia.
this cafe. in this cafe. outside. sitting outside and watching the remnants of an old block in the drunk who walks with a shopping cart like a refugee, crying out loud, like the guy who used to cry out loud, decades ago, when i was a foreigner in this neighborhood. we are still foreigners here but there's a difference. today, i understand that it is the perceivers challenge and hardship to view me as inferior, as other, as repulsive. and it is my path in Surrender to realize that I AM, even in this manifestation, even with the family i was prescribed, whose incrediblenss is bulldozed at the moment of birth, at the moment of accepting path of bowing in the opposite direction of wallstreet and suburbs and real estate and car dealerships and malls and black fridays and nets stadiums and yankees and beyonces and brad pitts.
i bow down to a path that is al Khaliq. i do this through discipline. through meditation. through listening. through drawing clear boundaries. therough values like compassion, kindness, diligence in Purpose, being present for my tribe, building community, actively being a Lover flirting with life in my doing, in my manifesting of Purpose, in staying away from fantasy and making meaningful soul-aligned dreams happen.
my dream is for us to be villages, to have Purpose, to have community, to work the land, to love the land, to write novels and poems and share and learn and be cared for and care with my family and village of tribe. my dream is to build tribe with others throughout the world, by building with others in creating creatively, sutainaible communities, that are self-dependinent and interdependnet and driven by the attempts to reach stars, something deeper, greater, and in doing so, finding deeper Purpose. my dream is to do this by practicing the touch of healing through herbs, massage, music, food...my dream is to have this as part of collaborations with others who are also invested deeply in building community and giving energy to this by spending time with the muqtamin, the believers, those who bow to something Greater than the capital that they critque.
i bang with the doers of Real, by getting down with those on the path of Real, and give love to everyone else along the Way, by being clear on what my Purpose is and that i love them, but have limited moments in this brief outfit, to carry forth Purpose and if yours is to make it in hollywood or get recongition for your projects and doing work with colored kids like the one you were, or to come in union with me because i am not them, than i have to say peace be unto you...this is not my path, and i don't believe it is yours.
when you are ready to get down with Real, holler. but for now...i am focused on giving energy to that which is being extinguished, that which can save us all - community. Real, deep, meaningful community. i am here when you are ready. in the meantime, we can chat while i am in the cafe. but only for a little...
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