all praise is due to ALLAH, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful...
i bear witness that i am here and gone...was here yesterday but that's past...few words ago was past...was was...and is, is was...
...surrendered mySelf after the convo with dude at bus stop yesterday who told me he got evicted, he said it was crazy but he was blessed, because he knew ALLAH was with him; yeah i said, started dropping knowledge like i knew, started saying how we gotta focus on what we do have, and count our blessings, started saying how this is brief, started flapping my lips like an industrial fan outside the courtroom...right before the hearing...regurgitating truths just to make myself get out of the fear of disrepair, of being close to a closed gate...
...after i got on the bus, after i felined to the back seats, and sat amped like a king tut, after i took out the bosnian prayer beads given me by my elder ralph digia (r.i.p), felt myself deteriorate...noticed that preacher man posturing was just that posturing...kept me from getting deeper with homie, kept me from listening with dna, with the music of One...
...stood like iblis, with each preacher word...forgot to bow...
...defaulted on what felt good, on pretending to know...never been homeless, so i don't know...
...defaulted on what helped me get through in past - others giving me a pep talk, telling me how there was more to it then this...hardly ever got that, always been independent...head-stand on my heart like an acrobat, keep it covered...keep it pushing...but wanted to hear the words, want the rest assure...
...al Ghaffar Knows, has Always...this is brief, this is a Gift, an opportunity to escape the prison of human experience into the Soul...
...told the brother, cause i wanted to be told...
...get told from one-who-Knows, got it from nee and ro and nani...got it from smack...from chino, and special k, and fish...get it like diamonds and pearls from ammu and abbu...
...rich...richer than the 1% that run 3 billion...richer than the 30% wanksta-millionaires, hundred-thousand aires, with stocks and bonds on bp oil and drones and weapons for the sauds to commit fratricide on yemeni's choked in poverty...
...never was poor...just thought i was...luxurious...
al Ghaffar reminds me that to forgive requires humility, to let loose ego, to listen, to shed tears and release, to be kind and loving and trust in Essence, in One-ness, in the infinity of the ephemeral by worship, by bowing down, by moving with the sun and the moon, without shame of material lacking, but radiance of eternity...no shame in Knowing...shame in the ego of knowledge though...
...information trap...watch-out...every so often i think i'll know more if i keep scavenging pub med and google scholar...forget to bow during these times...forget that people are more important than texts and that texts don't make You, humility and worship does...
...r.i.p. to 5th floor aunty...for the kindness and love she always showed...her Light reminds me to continue walking this darkness...this tunnel i've constructed cause i believed in you...and i knew you were lying, and the lies felt so good...the kind bars and chocolate and gluten free lasagna taste so good, and she looks so fine, and those kicks are so spanking, and that ride is so suave...
...bought it, forgot...forgive me...counting these beads...al Ghaffar, al Ghaffar, al Ghaffar...1...33...66...turn the bend...on my way back to You...99...
No comments:
Post a Comment