at the caf...caf...cafe...surah kaf...all praise is due to the 1, through the 5 through the 0...
bow down and surrender till i became an electron going through black holes...full wheeled from backward bend and shirsasana...paleo'd...got that camera...got a client...got 4...offering, bowing down...falling into place...alhamdulillah...
this moon...bright and blazing like a cold bath under meteor showers behind a curtain where the wizard has converted to the path of humility and surrendered disguises for Truth, for this is how i look without makeup...you look good King...peace be unto you...
this full moon...recognize in reflection of Your Infinite Light that all is full of Love, even without a lover or companion...You are Always there, like the moon, no matter how much i walk, drive, think i'm getting close, You are there, like the moon, neither departing, nor growing smaller, nor bigger...there, default...Everything...Nothing...all praise...all praise...
...through focus and Surrender, wormholes are possible. this takes practice, humility, focus, pushing the limit till no end in sight...
...the Lover in isa, through isa, through the Love and compassion of prophetic footprints, biographies that sit in the heart and are there like single nucleotide polymorphisms to be activated and happen...manifest into what is in the code...it was written...chromosomes, genes, a c t g...
...this sun cycle is Lover...is growing deep in this path of isa as i follow the example set forth by muhammad (s.a.w) to be so humble that i walk like a spirit, body becomes disentangled and dissolved in you and you and you...i hear you clear love, here is rose for your day...
all praise is due...
...this full moon letting go of safety zones, of the fort, of the walls i sit behind like aparthedites in israel, in border-towns where vigilantes walk around looking to shoot central americanos seeking better...borders and shotguns to keep my fears at bay, to feel a sense of security, to keep me from dying, from having to be amidst the unknown, of having to change, of having to negotiate, of having to learn another language in tongue, body, food...it is fear afterall that keeps us/me so attached to the not doing, the living room couch, the yoga mat in the bedroom, the self-incarceration of complacency...
...letting go of my border-town, the one in which i have built the great-wall of trump-cruz, with clintonesque-lies i've come to use to rationalize this storyline of fear, of safety, of what-if i fail, and what if i fall, and what-if i'm rejected, and what if it doesn't come out right??? the what-if naysaying that constructs tall walls of fear and loathing...afterall fear is the harbinger of hate...
...i am afraid of not being in the warmth of your thoughts or heart...afraid that you may disdain me, that you may think i am just filth and mosquitoes and flies and overpopulation and inept and incompetent and insecure and uncouth and uncool and all this time, i just wanted you to like me for me, but came to believe your raised brows when you heard i was brown 3rd world other language other features, other brown, other religion, other other...came to believe that i can't and you can, that i will fail and you will laugh, came to believe it so much i fell into a strut and lyrics that breathed nihilism...
...i know the only way to get through the narcissism, the mirror of all the constructs that disdain me, is to go through the looking glass, and to get through, in addition to focus and wormholes that allow me to practice, visualize, and act...up the ante on risks, on doing what is most difficult to be a greater lover, and making these habits, like setting aside food when i make it for others, whether i "like" them or not, of telling my story, whether you will appreciate me or not, of making these into habits...
...letting go of the border-town by letting go of these false-hoods i've constructed, by letting go of being perfect, and as a result putting it off, always putting it off...
...asked myself today, when i walked towards yoga, about how i was walking into the border of destination, of walking towards something and not being that something in the walk - so i jogged, and the jog was the yoga, and i pressed my pelvis forward, and rolled my shoulders back...
...the destination is in this second, in this moment...going to bed earlier...fasting...detoxing...now...not tomorrow...meditating...showing up because it's important, whether you will let me in or not...and using the lessons of focus, practice, reflection, learning, to prepare, to be present, prepare to be present and not prepare to perfect or procrastinate...let the learning be messy...
...the process of letting go of the bordertown is through being messy...through being genuine in the learning process and reflect and learn...and prepare through the messiness...just try... and fall...
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