declutter - decisive and focus

be decisive in what you do, avoid half stepping, avoid the pitfalls of doubt, the allure of a million watt lightbulbs of ideas every ten seconds, every morning, on the way to work to get you out of the trap, to get you out of something good. you might have something good going, might be great, might be magnificent...but it time, requires focus...first make the decision to do it...to stick to that one thing...to be 100...to be 1000...commit...

i learned from the reverend at christmas service i attended sunday, that in order to make room for something new, something that responds to a Higher Source, you have to leave something that may seem important for you - decluttering.

the departure might be akin to the abandoned sheep of the biblical shepherds in bethlehem, when the prophet isa was born. the shepherds departed knowing that there would be consequences. the role of a shepherd, afterall, is to keep the flock together, to keep them from straying off, and to keep wolves and predators at bay. all these jeopardies were ensured by the shepherds taking leave. additionally, they may have been under the supervision, watch, financial dependence of a boss, a head farmer, a landowner...but they made the choice...more important than what seemed important - subsistence, was sustenance of the eternal...all praise is due...

what's possible? or what is impossible?

what do you really want? really? if you say a mansion, a rolls royce, a line up of women/men you find irresistible, a buffet of the most delectable exotic foods...i'd say your lying. lies...deception...self-deception. what's behind these things? what do you really want? what's within the chrysalis you shudder in?

be clear on what you Really want, by understanding what is Real...that which is fleeting is at once real and not. the only permanence is the Great Impermanence - the One-ness - as my humble teachers have taught...all praise is due...

lifetime is more than you and your desires and your search for acceptance from the false idols that will never accept you because they are false...regardless of the kicks and the designer coats or shape-ups...come from within...

...peace to the irish palestinian south african algerian american-indian black-american puerto-rican mayan bengali punjabi...freedom fighters...peace to those brothers and sisters who left security who were decisive who made a choice...perhaps many of them made this decision due to backs on the wall, due to no where else to turn...but there were those who left comfort of this for One...peace to fidel and che who left all privileges for the medicine of community, of the healing arts of community, of giving Love...all praise is due...

...in transitioning into entrepreneurship, in trading this healing art in the marketplace, in making it available to have exchange, to have conversation, to meet and greet and have touch, to get in touch with yourself through getting in touch with others because we can't do it alone, because no matter how much yoga, how much fresh juices and detoxes...you are not an island...ask robinson crusoe...

...what do i have to leave...how do i make room?...what am i making room for?...what is the great issue i've experienced in this lifetime that i feel i can support others to heal from, to bring forth a more meaningful human-life experience...i think the answer is in the question - more meaningful human experience...

...so many have made my life much richer...dolores o'riordan, of the cranberries, who through her deeply stirring vocal chords, has drawn me deeper into my spirit...nusrat fateh ali khan...through his devotional skats has made me blur language...abdul basit, whose recitations of the Qur'an i bow down in surya and chandra namaskars in tears to...hamza el din whose oud blends with his voice - ancient and timeless in humility...all praise is due...rumi, whose poetry reminds me to Quiet, to Surrender, to let go of the false...the prophet muhammad who has taught me so much, whose words and deeds have struck a cellular transformation in how my days are structured...all praise is due...the prophet isa who reminds me the importance of practicing unconditional Love...patanjali, who tells me that union of breath movement and focus will provide the keys to exit...all praise is due for yogi for this path...my dad who continues his activism without name or money, who does for community from a place of pure Purpose with belief in Peace...my mom who cooks, gives, loves unconditionally, even as those who make 10000 times more than her pinch their wallets and purses, my mom gathers her quarters and dimes and hosts lunches dinners, brunches...all praise is due you...all praise is due for You...

all my heroes are revolutionaries...people who lead deeply selfless community rooted lives...for this reason, gandhi, of all the yogi's, is the most appealing to me...there are those who will find a flaw in them, find a thing they did wrong, and that's enough...enough for them to hate the whole of that person, to dismiss them...prayers for those people...they are hurt...

...what is something that is missing?

from the bottom

forgot about the sentence...about court...about you looking alarmed...about the knock on the door...about the badge and bullets i missed...forgot about the chance...forgot about the dna...about the genocide...about 1971...about famine...about too starved for sex or happy hour...forgot that i was still riding low, below the low-riders...forgot that the babylon i held a finger to before the judge was me...i was prosecuting me to a hundred thousand...i was plagued...forgot that the disease was spreading cause i held it at bay...forgot that Love was here because i was there...forgot that i could count on you to not count on you is two-sided...forgot to Love unconditionally, forgot that Love is unconditional...forgot to bond with those who Know, those who may appear like nothing special to you, and that you is me, and that it's me i critique when i lament on babylon because i wear it like a leper, like a spotted albino...i know you see it because you cross the street, because you stay clear from the cloud of dust i walk in...forgot that i was hiding, that true liberation requires coming to terms with those things that i wear like numbers of a barcode tattooed on my chest like palestinians held at checkpoints by holocaust touting zionists...i forgot that i was both the one who is sheeps clothing and the sheep...forgot to be...instead i've been talking jesus...instead i wake at 5:30 based on an alarm and a circumstance i reluctantly chose, forgot to market this, forgot to send this our to social media, forgot to care to do it, forgot to make money, been skating on a middle line, between ice that breaks and burns from speed on my left, and ice that sinks from the standstill on my right...forgot to risk, to get past the margins of safety to love you to love you to love you...forgot to move away from sanskaras that keep me imprinted on the nose and ears and tongue and skin and eyes...forgot...been feasting in the material, telling myself it's christmas, telling myself just this once like a meth-head, bass-head, pot-head, crack-head...just this once...and then yoga and meditation, and i swear...forgot to get married and have kids and that time was a space i had to go through and that it passed and i passed with it unless i sought answers in the pair...forgot...forgot to pay homage and seek and be proactive...

...and when i remembered, it was the aftermath, it was the fire, it was the burning, it was at the bottom of the ocean...without fully getting there, without letting myself sink...forgot to sink all the way because of you, because all i wanted was you, because all i wanted was the applause of an audience, so i wrote myself into a path and purpose and forgot it because you didn't show up...but then i forgot to care about you and stayed on path anyway...retreated from news and stories of the bad guys and good guys and the wars and the rapes and the pillages and jails and prisons and drugs and forgot cause i was studying and yet, all the time it was seeping into my cells, blocking energy production, keeping atp from creating energy and instead the production of a social lethargy led me into this screen typing words five people read 1/10th of before turning off, tuning off, switching channels, on to the next, i'm onto the next...

...forgot to leave fully...forgot to breathe deeper...forgot that we are all connected and that whether i am with you or you, i pray and meditate and tell you the same thing - i was born in bangladesh, my mother came here a few years into my existence in this body, which has already shed and grown, and shed, and now i am decades later in the same block, the same neighborhood, a stranger with ancestry and indigenous being the only anchors that keep me grounded in this world...with the only two people who make any sense being the two most humble, giving, loving, polite, passive, active, quiet, vibrant, self-less, spiritual, indigenous, intellectual, people i know - my parents...so i stay close and hope by osmosis...but then time, and space...and i stay inside a bubble, bowing in vinyasa's by a sense of neccessity...

meditating has been missing...pranayama has been missing...focus has been missing, declutter has been missing...

full moon...let go of clutter...focus on a single path...let go...one...be fearless in Love; Love is to give, is to be in alignment with sun moon planets galaxy...is to stay focused and breath...is to learn to be both of this world and more...of maintaining Quiet...pray for you...give to you...leave to learn...learn to let go and grow...learn to recreate this storyline because, otherwise, the realm of false takes over - sugar and cakes and lattes, and up-late movies, and a million ideas to do a million things.

choose...and focus...and love...and...and...stick to that which is Real by harnessing focusing energy on that which is by going deeper, by being transparent, by being honest, by learning to exist in this realm with the understanding that i Am more than this, and so are You...

...came out...coming out of the closet of retreat in self to share with you...to Love...to walk in the path of the Lover celebrated today by a fifth of the human world - isa, prophet isa...unconditional love that stemmed from being of and for the people...doing...isa was a doer...muhammad was a doer...moses was a doer...they did...they were not me of letters but of deed...

...shhhh....the speechless full moon....

exchanging value in the marketplace

the market place is outside, everywhere, inside. don't need to leave your house, it is where you are, wherever, whatever you have to exchange. in one way markets allow us to share talents with others. this existed in feudalism as well. this has existed form time immemorial, from the days of the prophet, from before. people have talents, they grow deeper with it, they offer this talent as an exchange with others from what they need.

fishermen fish, know the waters, know which angles to drop the net in the sea, do so, get fish, bring it to the market place. fisher men know what non-fishermen don't know. non-fishermen want fish. the shawl-maker knows weaving, knows the loom, knows how to keep the fishermen warm. they exchange. exchange happens.

all praise is due for work, for the opportunity to interact, to exchange.

i do herbs, engage with nutrition, and massage, and yoga. i connect with folk, listen, reflect, write. how am i exchanging in the market place?

the market, much of the market may not be looking for a creative writer, but creative writing allows me to breathe deeper, longer. gives release to blockages that make my heart murmur. writing is a healing art for me. how am i exchanging this in the marketplace?

massage. touch is so essential, is so vital to healing, to feeling loved, to being loved, to connecting with self and others, to transforming from pain. touch. i touch with what i have studied, appreciate the art of the healing, enjoy moving my body to support the healing process of others. how am i exchanging this in the market place?

yoga helps to relieve stress, to focus, to keep the body in circulation, to destress, to flow, to align mind with focus with breath with body with spirit with Soul. yoga is more than exercise. it is ocean, it returns our one drop in the Eternal. and still, yoga has the benefit of this life, of tone, of flexibility, of rejuvenation. yoga is a love, a passion, a practice for me. how am i exchanging yoga in the marketplace?

what i keep learning is that there may be no table set up for what i am doing. so no one to hire me for this. but, like a chicken without a head, i keep going in loops, looking at jobsites, looking at the vendors in the market place with helpwanted signs, and none of them fit my job description, and none of them want to hire. the latter is a blessing, because it is a constant reminder to stay fixed in my offerings. but offer.

your offerings are essential to the homeostasis of our planet, of this and the next dimensions. by not engaging in the marketplace, by not exchanging that which will help the world, that which will really help and not just get you money, not just get you fame, not just create a hot product, by truly exchanging your deeper talents in the market place, you support ascension. all praise is due.

decluttering = focus

part of decluttering leads to the inadvertent and essential goal of focus.

focus, i learn over and over again, leads to success, regardless of the odds against you.

when you focus, you create the circumstances for being so deeply rooted, you are as shakeable as a vine - supple and moving, but wrapped around the center of the earth.

what will my focus be? what am i so passionate about that i could go deep. real deep?

herbs. specifically nervines and adaptogens.

this depth grows instead of precludes possibilities - adaptogen gardens, adaptogens for educators, adaptogens for post-election results for some, adaptogens in cuisine, adaptogenic entrees...

adaptogens, allow us to root i what is Real.

adaptogens allow us to adapt.

adaptogens can be meditations. can help post-trauma, refugees, inmates, victims of childhood craziness, stressed new yorkers...


adaptogens draw us deeper into the ancient world, as they arise from the ancient cannon.

full moon december 2016

ayam-al-beed - the 3 days of the full moon - the 13th, 14th, & 15th in the lunar calendar, the scientific basis for the islamic calendar. these 3 days are recognized as auspicious, as days to Listen. Listening happens best on an empty stomach and full heart. weakness of senses, and strength of body...

been meditating on weakness and strength these past couple days as i've been sniffling, holding my throbbing head, covering my mouth as i thrash in coughs, and tuck deeper into a blanket, tightly covering my throat to prevent the cold from choking me 6 feet high and under...

feel mortal, weak, disappointed in myself for being weak, for being so vulnerable, for being so inept physically. wonder, in moments of prostration, what is the lesson here? what is the ayat for me in this journey?

this is what i learned:

although i bow and vinyasa, and meditate, and eat nutritionally sound, and hydrate well, and am social, there are parts that are missing, things i am lacking in.

herein lies the crux with last months intention - to build circumstance/s that require me to fulfill purpose.

i've been walking into circumstances that place me in the way of germs, of cesspools of virus and bacteria. welcome to the modern classroom. it is a circumstance that comes with the territory of my current occupation. but all engagements in any society means interaction with circumstance. circumstances exist. for this reason, it is important to be rooted in deeper rooting in Real, to have circumstances no matter the circumstance.

that is, if i am in a circumstance where there is disease abound, my rootedness in nourishing foods will keep me in a circumstance of health. nourishing, in this instance means foods that are local, seasonal, that align with my body constitution and the tilt of the earth and distance from the sun in this specific point and time. thus, all things considered - potatoes, apple, kale, beta-carotene rich cruciferous veggies - purple cabbage, caulfilower, broccoli...stews that incorporate this. warmth with fats to keep moist and warm in the face of cold and dry.

thus, one of the learnings, at the very tip of the last supermoon, through this new phase of vulnerability, is to grow deeper in rooting in Real, and allowing the Real to create circumstance in life circumstances. that is, there are circumstances we can build and require us to fall into, like renting a space with others and setting up a conference on yogic breathing. but then, there are circumstances that we must create in order to engage with the minute to minute - the train ride/car ride/walk over to wherever you go - the cafe, the restaurant, the dinner you go to - the socializing you do - the shopping for foods - all of these default on a circumstance, and if you are not equipped with structures grounded in Real, than - slouch, fatigue, susceptible to germs and disease, judgemental thoughts...

this leads me to this months super moon intention - to clear clutter. i realized in this illness, that part of my challenge with sleep is that i have way to many lights on in my head - too much thinking, which means its like vegas in my head - pollution.

this light pollution keeps from seeing the stars, the milkyway, only possible in areas that are completely black - the national arches of utah, cherry state national park in pennsylvania - to see the Light, you have to turn the lights off.

as without, so within, ayurveda says. happiness is when what we say, what we think, what we do, are one and the same, gandhi said. in a room full of clutter, if my words are sparse they are misaligned with my cluttered thoughts.

clutter, than keeps us, me from the peace i was striving from a couple full moons ago - peace, planning, presence. presence is possible in the face of peace. in its absence, no peace.

as without - without i've been accumulating and holding on to everything, finding slivers of floor to lay in, dreaming one day when the sun is brighter...oooh childing to myself and holding tight to that which is ephemeral.

this full moon, i create the circumstance for peace, by de-cluttering without, and within - burn the relics of that which is false, which was a moment... all praise is due... letting go of books, clothes, electronics i no longer need...

...this leads to the third portion of the lesson this illness - the first being create circumstance in the mundane moment to moment for societal ineraction by rooting in Real . the 2nd being de-cluttering without and within. 3rd, i realized, or i understood the sign of this illness to mean that there is reality in this body, in this lifetime and spiritual strength requires physical strength, not to be confused for cosmetic muscles and foods. but without a strength in the body, in the debilitated state, its hard to concentrate on anything other than one's own misery. in this state, spiritual awareness is a challenge.

thus, strength. be strong. strength. be strong by building the circumstance that allows for rooting in Real - roots nutrition, rooted in smoothies, soups, porridges, season, constitution, sun and the crescent moon.

through this month, i carry the truth of the lessons from this past month - building circumstances to root in Real. thus, i realized, financial weakness, also keeps us preoccupied in matters that keep us scavenging. to shift this, the circumstance has to be changed.

as i let go of clutter, i build on that which is essential, that which is Real...a clean, clear space...all praise is due... 

passion into ability to be 100

one hundred percent of the time the sun sweats, beams, lets go, gives a little bit of itself, shoots rays of Light...

one hundred percent of the time, the moon revolves around the earth, is available to reflect or conceal the light of the sun, spins within a given proximity to the earth.

one hundred percent...

nature is one hundred.

for us, for me, this is at once stunning and yet, if i were to apply this surrender to myself, terrifyingly monotonous. yet, each of these, have been objects of reverence for cultures across the globe, over time, and each of these are in complete Surrender, without a second of deviation.

 this, herein, lies the teachings of the prophet of Surrender (muhammad s.a.w) to the Source of Peace (islam). that, if the 1 trillion ton earth, and planets 1000 times the earths dimensions, and stars megawatta of light so bright, so scorched that immediate dissolution - if these bodies, beings, harbingers of life can be in complete surrender, and are, then take heed. learn from their lessons.

what are the lessons? to be in a state of worship. in being so, to be in utter humility. in being so, to be completely open. in being so, to lose self. the lesson is in this worship, to focus. to focus completely in devotion, with holistic dedication. maintain this focus, by getting deeper, going deeper. growing deeper and deeper.

the lesson, then is to Surrender to the path like a cobbler, a shawl-maker, a rickshawallah, a barber, a coffeemaker, a tea-maker, a writer, a philosopher, a farmer, an herbalist. Surrender. stay focused on what you Love, and Surrender to it. 100.

what do i love? in you, when i see, meet you, i love humility. i loved running into my amma in the train today, me coming from the south bronx, her coming from downtown, from the dental clinic that students learn in by working on those of us whose insurance says no to all else. my amma with her smile like a sun held lovingly by stratospheres. my mom, whose newly cleaned teeth glistened moon and reflected in me cheshire. my mom, always wide-eyed and humble and vibrant, and positive - humility. all praise is due. bow down to you amma.

i love kicking it, having a stomping ground to kick it, a community meeting point where we have no appointments to meet, but will run into each other, because it is here, and regardless of your schedule and my schedule, and us both attempting to make appointments to hang, but time conflicting, we run into each other all the time, have coffee and talk about the weather in mars. this of course, if i were to be meta-cognitive, stems from ancestry, from generations of being of village, of a place called home, and your friends, family, community, are all within blocks of you.

i love looking forward to days off from a challenging job, to unwind, and chill at the cafe and feel no strings pulling me.

i love bowing my head, touching ground, and giving thanks for the engulfing peace i feel at letting go of all notions of knowing anything.

i love teas - green, mint, woody...

i love doing meaningful bodywork and treatments on others, not because they paid and it will feel good for them, but because we are both in deeper dialogue and trust in transforming hurt. i love being able to support others in their transformation, as it is also mine, as them getting deeper with their pain, and growing from it is me getting deeper with mine, and growing.

i love writing. endlessly, and painting worlds, and expressing science fiction present world dialectics. words meaningless and absorbed in black light.

i love food, being healthy, eating healthy. healthy being what's aligned with the sun and the moon. healthy being what's aligned with those picking plums and peas being happy about it, and living well off it. healthy being feeling good in my body and soul.

i love being local. chilling where i'm at.

so how what can i be the best at so i can be of service? what can i do to make this a complete meditation.