what you seek is seeking you

spending time fixing, trying to fix, cosmetically estheticizing my website. but this is not what i seek. spending time sending out resumes for jobs that may not reflect what i am. but this is not what i seek. spending time without monetary earnings. broke is not what i seek.
spending time in front of a screen for several hours a day. staring at a screen is not what i seek.
spending time trying to figure out what my focus should be in making myself available as a medicine man. marketing, advertising, baiting, is not what i seek.
spending time without a wife, withou children, without grandchildren for my leaders. being without half of my deen is not what i seek.
crashing at my leaders, living makeshift, without home. domestic precariousness is not what i seek.
being in the company of others who are fragmented, on the run. having a tribe of fantasizers is not what i seek.

what do i seek?

a village, community, children, elders, dynamism, yoga, prayer, family meals, crops, harvests, planting, new energy, guests, exchanging value, love, sustainable community economics, purposeful, alchemist, yogi, love, loving, compost, wife, travel, support for others...diminishing in One...

is this seeking me? how? where is it?

i am told, in moments of prayer/Quiet, that if you want respect, you have to give respect, if you want love, you have to give Love, if you want community, you have to be community, if you want harvest, you have to plant, if you want home, you have to build, commit to home, if you want to serve others, then you have to serve, you have to connect with others, you have to be clear in what you want...

whatever you want, you have to be that...if you want to a lawyer, than serve others in the law, provide legal advice, help them navigate the courts...charge a fee to support yourself...if you want to be a doctor, than serve others through medicine, through caring, through their health -tocuh them, be humble to the One to channel healing, and if they heal, all praise is due to One...

...if i want to do this...the prayer...than i have to be that...

becoming

be. recite, and be. die before you die. the prophet muhammad. peace n blessings be upon him and this lineage of guru knowledge that facilitates ancient mathematics...all praise is due...

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala....

....do...in the doing...happening...what's happening is ambulances...a sight...an audience...

in the back of the cafe are massage rooms. the customers know what they way. they have shoulder, neck, lower back pain. all of them. they are in front of computers. 40 - 60 hours. not including the time they spent hunched over their celly's and ipads, and other devices. screens. they want quick repair. quick pressure. deep. real deep. quickies. no time to exchange names or contexts. transactional. one hour. one night.

...peace. peace out on it. leave it. medicine man connects with You. listens to you and then to One, and does...may be different from the deep tissue. may be you on the floor reaching your arms to the sky and your hips into the ground like your sitting bones were roots...

...been digging some of the yoga superstars, not cause they are in the limelight, or shining lights on themselves, n getting others attention. but because they are deep in their craft. not hating like i hear many yoga teachers do. they are in. playing. exchanging in the market place. their bodies reflect this. they are not just 6-packed and all muscle, but are agile, capable of flying over fences. they slow down time. ramana's quiet. the truth in the Quiet that is exhorted in the Recitation, in the words of the prophet, in the conveying of these words through the poet rumi...

...yoga therapy videos to support your season and mood and digestion and getting deeper and to connect with You, beyond the imagery that you may initially fall into...see you on youtube Glory...

past name, fame, and babylon glory

the promise is on the sites, next to names, and pictures, and claims. and a story. i recovered from. i did this. i solved that. i got this for you...makes sense...in babylon, exchange is happening. everything is monetized...but it doesn't feel right...

...i like the d.iy., the old school punk rock scenes that sought to re-connect with the ancient ways in the alien world that had young punk rockers spiking their hair and wearing all black...but they were trying, just like the 5 percent and the other movements throughout post hippie, post-panther, post-lords, post-aim, post-post america...in the drench of money, the monied, in the rebel speaking of cans of soda for a million dollars...

america is sold on rags to riches and the story of the impoverished who made it, and who quotes civil rights and underground railroad movements and lashes factory workers in thailand, bangladesh, haiti, for their clothing lines that they spit about in their rhymes in the same line they talk about oppression...this is the neo-babylon...

...getting down with ancient math has made it clear that the slave trade, the exploitation of humans by other humans, the destruction and pillage has not been restricted to a white and blue eyes, nor a skin tone, or hair texture...for this reason, those in the confines of americanisms get blisters in the face of experience, as do those attempting to fit into the color-lines of americana's that are diammetric to their home cultures...but pretending is so much more electrifying...in the material world, it lights up vegas and desert cities with water from the dakotas n greenland...

soul has to be at the center of this, must be the music, the movement of this...the exchange must be meaningful... the value is in you connecting with Soul, with One-ness, with the beyond this skin and experience... beyond celebrities and celebrating... connect with the One...all praise is due to the One...

...these are some of the ways i did it... and not because i figured anything out, not because i took selfies and hung them up for you to celebrate me... but because i Surrendered... and did... and the doing got me Higher...

value in the grounding

stayed clear of roots, cut them off when i was young enough to get scissors, to speak english like box cutters, like the switch blades dudes would butterfly from their backpocket for sheepskins, and .25cents...lemme borrow a dollar....here...take it...

...ran from home, hopping on the freight trains of americanas, coast to coast, bleeding my heart into plastic jars in mcdonald's, mixed with rum, when i was old enough...

...drown...in the drown, i swung my arms, gulping, and coming up, gulping and coming up, till the green-water sanitation that appeared in crisp clean nikes straight out of cuss words and boxes, appeared clean, appeared cleaner than the pristine mango trees and immaculate jungle i hailed from...

...been running so fast, that i got into a spin, off axis, off the 23.5 degrees, off limits to laws of nature...

...here. back. this month, i ground in that which is Always, i come out of the hiding...come out of the hidden seminars i bury my face in, to know, just enough, to speak...but i already Know...and You, already Know...

...let go of information, detox, release, throw it up, and Recite...you Know the Word...

...this month, all praise-is-due-ing through this Surrender, this Ultimate Faith in what is possible, grounding in that which Is, and moving from this, working from this, building what i would build if i had a million, billion babylon presidents dead and green in my hands, to spend on dreams...

...keep the presidents...the value is in the One, in the movement from the One, in the doing dream from the One...the dream is community, is the offering, is the service...is the homeostasis, is the village, is Peace...from the Source of Peace...

khutbah on attaching to what is Real

i'm a hundred in, fleeting moments. durin lal qalandar, during bauls and qawaals, songs of lalon and nusrat, of hamza el din, and recitations of qari abdul basit...all praise is due for them...but then my heart drums like skinny love, in the cadence of bon iver meets morrisey meets robert smith...

pained by hopes gone astray, moments of doubt, lack of clarity of where i went wrong, how, how it could've been different, i am reminded, through brief readings of the Recitation, that the Ultimate Source is to be trusted, whole-heartedly, that all else will pass, but this book is written for those who believe in the One-ness, that understand that the One is the Ultimate Truth...

...the sermon this afternoon, from the young brother, spoke to this. he said that our attachments will undoubtedly lead to hurt, disappointment, grief, so long as they are of the mundane. afterall, how can you find hope in that which is instable, constantly in flux? how can you find peace in that which is fleeting? to find peace, to be assured in hope, anchor fully in the Source of Peace, in that which is Infinite - the One-ness...

...yes...it resonated, made sense...constant hurt and defeat due to attachments, thus creating a sense of failure, of letting down, of messing up. the speaker said that when we lose something that we found important to us, that we held dear, it is a true blessing, it is an opportunity at liveration, as we are liberated from that which we were attached to, and this frees us up to being without delusion, and trusting, anchoring fully in ONe...

what does this look like? how does this happen?

having hope in One, is praying, in complete Surrender. it is doing good deeds without expectation. it is to be of service, because our fellow man is hungry, sad, without shelter, angry, disturbed, hurting, oppressing, oppressed...it is to find LOve and give LOve unconditionally...it is to be in complete Surrender to parents, to do as they will, so long as it complements the One, worship to the One-ness, it is to do from a place of fearlessness, from a place of deep, invincible confidence in the One...doing this from a place of Trust...like handstands, and titibakasana, and standing splits, and the stand up...

it is to write and share, and share this offering of detox-reset, traditional medicine, to all those who need it...

i would like to offer this to 100 people. i would like you to sponsor them. it is an opportunity for them to be reset, to find peace...to do, because it has to be done...

what has to be done...the sharing of Love...the giving...the doing...the price will work itself out...

success in Purpose

the guy last night, the uncle, the friend of the family, an engineer by training, well read nutritionist but un-degreed, but knowing more than most of the nutritionists i studied under, gave me advice...shared his story...

decades ago, as a child, he watched ships from the coast of bengal, as they sat like metal whales on the ganges.
who built those ships, who made them work so that these giants could float on water?  he asked a man sitting on the dock of the bay.
mechanical engineers, the man said.
then, that's what i want to be, he said to himself. he found out what the best school for this would be, and immediately set out to enroll. it was a private christian school, known for their production of high caliber students. with 10 cents in his pocket and wearing the only clothes he owned, he walked miles, caught a train, a bus, and walked another 7 miles. it was raining, cold. when he got there. there were no students outside the building, only a hunched over italian school dean.
where do you think you're going? the dean asked in a bengali accented heavily with italian.
to enroll.
enrollment was in august and it is now february, and the school has a waiting list going back five years, and even the monied are waiting, and... the dean continued to list off.
but you see this is my purpose, the uncle said . he proceeded to elaborate, saying that it was his destiny to be a mechanical engineer and that he had to go to this school.
bring the money in three days and i'll enroll you. the dean said.
the uncle gathered the money from family and friends and not only enrolled but graduated this school with honors, and then proceeded to go on to the best engineering school in bangladesh.

the uncle told me not to worry, when i told him that i had passion and Purpose as a medicine man, but a poor sense of money and none of business. he said money is not a problem, but a temporary situation. he said i had the most important ingredient in life - Purpose. that it was something most were lacking. those with money, those with ideas for money, those who others perceived as successful were lacking. in fact, he said, they weren't really successful. success he said is your ability to change lives for the better, to leave the world a better place.

go with Your Purpose. move with Your Purpose, he said. Your Purpose will lead you to success. do the Work, he said. more than anything else, do the Work. don't worry about the money. it will come.

all praise is due... 

full moon march 2017

2 days ago. full moon. bright belly, shining crazy calm in traffic on the bqe, watching, reminded to pause, no rush...there is nothing that important, and at once, urgent...stop the tanks and the bombs and the lies that your destruction doesn't exist; your promulgation of attempts to stop crazy rag-heads who are really 12 year olds standing with stones in front tanks with stars of david n red white n blue stripes, in front of their mothers grandmothers sisters, cause all the men are dead, cause you killed them...

urgent and at once i am on the bqe, not rushing to stop this, not running to put my body down like harriet tubman and gandhi and all the indigenous people in the world from standing rock to bengal to ireland to falastin, who continue to be decimated and all i hear about is how outraged the liberals around me are about a muslim-ban, but who cares about the drones obama n clintons struck in these nations, the embargoes they imposed, the strangulation that led to ancient peoples to be starved and holding beggars bowl...i see you...

full moon is a time of letting go for me...i have been silent...want to let go of this...i have been hidden...want to let go of this...i have been waiting for the day when things are just right...want to let go of this...these past few full moons have been in support of this end - to give freely, of myself, in the giving there is deep reward, there is a freedom, because, after-all, this is why we are here, on this planet, in this manifestation as being - to serve - to be in one with the One - so talk of cruelty is meaningless with meat and flesh derived products, as i could've just as easily been born a puma, a buffalo, a chicken, a salmon fish stuck in the cage of an over-populated farm and sold to cater to the tongue of healthy, those who eat healthy, those like me...without that connection, without linking to how that salmon is part of the One-ness...as is kale and spinach and celery - so eat light, eat whole, eat from sacred lands revered instead of cleared, desecrated for consumption...

...on thing at a time...my larger intention for this sun-cycle, 365, revolution...what is the revolution occurring...?

if i am going to be outside a space of employment, then i would like to treat my work, the Work, like employment....

...let go of clutter, of holding on to stuff, by getting to the heart of that which might be most important to me - my writings - threw out 21 journals from the past 20 years...a treasure cove of my life in pages - let go, read through some, meant something, now just archives - and with this anything is less important. things, like clothes and markers, and shades, and hats mean little. there are others who can use these things. give it away. let go. still cleansing. been collecting books and clothes to do just this. hoping maybe i could sell some of it so i could make a few dollars, pay for the cafe retreats i do daily...letting go of this allowed for space to be created

...let go of getting it right in front of others, of looking right, to get it right by being messy, by practicing handstand and letting myself fall, by being okay with the fall, by learning from the fall, being present with when it happened, instead of by trying to keep it hidden...

...let go of indecision, by being clear on my decision, in december's full moon. let go of the wish-washy, the vacillation between having a job that could sustain me, and doing my medicine-man thing on the side, vs, embracing fully this path. decided to embrace it fully. decided that i didn't want to practice this in a haphazard all over the place way...decided that i wasn't a massage therapist, or an herbalist, or a nutritionist, but a traditional medicine man - not an armchair medicine man, but one who practices, one who did the work, instead of telling others what to do...

...this brings me to now, from recollecting decisive path traditional medicine man in tradition of ayurveda-yoga-vibrational nutrition - from recollecting getting rid of appearances and sharing what i know, what i have to share - from letting go of the clutter, of that which keeps me bound to the past - by not creating space - from letting go of this hoarding, a little deeper, by giving....

...decisive path of medicine man who is transparent, gets messy even if it doesn't always appear great, but tries, clears space, by letting go, by giving away, be being giving from Inside, and now...

...this full moon i see clients, i have a clear end goal, that i work on with others, i actualize, by being seen, by being present, by being available, by taking the risks associated with being seen, by putting it out there that i am available, having clear ways how this will/can happen - having clear paths through my website...

this dude who has been successful in his business, in his writings said that it can't be the million people who read your posts, or the videos, or the books you put out, that is your goal, nor about getting yoruself out there...but the goal has to be the value you create...

what is the value i am offering, that i believe in whole heartedly, that i believe, based on my predeccessors, on the belief they forwarded, the social justice, the humanitarianism, the desire, the struggle for a better world, a deeper Way...

...detox to reset to elevate for a better you, a better community...because we are taking in toxins, we are in a state of toxicity, and we need to detoxify...

...so how do i convey this? through the work...do the healing work...do it with open arms, do it because people need it, not because you want to convince anyone of anything...do the work and it will work out...you spent too much time doing the studies the work, now is the time to give...to create clear lines in the giving...

...so this month...what i learn to do, is set goals in terms of my values...and see them through by community - value based goals that i manifest with community -

some goals - getting a place without rent; website with clear ends - modules to plug folk into that they could benefit from; deepen yoga practice through going deeper in asanas, deeper in hand stand and back bend and vinyasa and firefly practice n collaborating with those who can support this, deeper in meditation by taking classes, community sittings, a woman who is in path of wife by being in social environments...

setting goals aligned with values, putting it out there with co-conspirators of Purpose, and taking risks to actualize, through humility, and Love...