...audzubillahe minash shaitauner rajeem, bismillah hi Rahman iRahim...
...in the name of that which is Always, without beginning or end... ALLAH is Infinite, and yet i surrender to the job marker, still look to that which is temporary, that which i find is antithetical to Soul, for livelihood... growing a deeper respect for the yogi with the bowl, the sufi in the dervish, the healer with the cure who heals and accepts that which comes or doesn't... Knowing the Work needs to be done...
...when the car spun out of control... when it off the road, spinning, me in it, me without control, me watching my own world in slow motion... what became clear was regret... was that there was a ball of choke in my throat... for failing my duties to mom mom mom, dad, brothers, aunties, uncles, cousins, tribe, friends... those who arrived with need and i turned my back on them by staying hidden, by staying silent, when ALLAH asked me to Work in Quiet... as guru-father has done, as 1-who-Knows has done... as isa had done... as the noor of men, the prophet (s.a.w), has done, as the prophets confucius, gautama buddha, krsna, patanjali, danwantari... have all done... as the messengers proceeding the final covenant have done - bahaha-ullah... harriet tubman, gandhi, che guvera, mother teresa, malcolm x, noam chomsky...
...messengers continue to appear... and remind us of Truth... that which Is... sometimes i tap in through coffee... sometimes through a deep asana practice... sometimes through bhastrika pranayama... sometimes through fasting... sometimes through laying my forehead to the ground... sometimes through cooking... sometimes through writing... through releasing through this piano i pound on... releasing that which stirs inside...
...inspired... move through inspiration... build inspiration through the tools... move with inspiration... how can inspiration bring me/you livelihood?... how does it facilitate our day to day needs - food, shelter, health?...
...ALLAH = 1ness = trust in the 1ness...
...if what you are doing is that which needs to get done... then Trust... and it will...
...as i begin to repeat the mantra of that which I AM... a Lover... to Love, give, take risks, be vulnerable, walking my mantra, playing, playful, Connecting and building ummah, through my Work... through giving my all, my best... because it is needed... i've learned that i need to ask...
...as our earth rapidly comes to a completion of its revolution around the sun, shifting from the dakshinaya (southern solstice), to uttaranya (northern solstice)... and my body begins to reflect on its movement through time and space this past year... without much thought... i noticed gerbil like laboratory patterns - running in a ferris wheel of hope, giving up and looking for a job, not hearing back, shrugging it off, deciding i'll just stay focused on my work, feeling overwhelmed without putting in the kind of effort i need to... combing job sites, putting out resumes, not hearing back... repeat... the cycle continues...
...and yet, all this i've ever looked up to have created their path, have carved it out through staying determined in their talent, in their inspiration, in the material they put forth... in their sharing... the prophet, gandhi, che, malcolm, nas, the cranberries, johnny depp... my pops... my moms...
...so... i will... be clear... without fear in the asking and the doing... work towards... 1000%... take risks... and let all else unfold - i need money to do this work, because it is important... and will help you... and me... and our world... to Connect...
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