...there is half an hour remaining, like the ball you await on december 31st... to celebrate the turn of a number, a year... a bittersweet moment of celebration and a deep confusion/melancholy at the not-knowing ... a moment of destitution at the inability to stop/control this movement of propulsion through space and time...
...hence the tens of thousands congregating at times square... hundreds in parties... paying hundreds to enter... to gain admittance to extended happy hours... to get drunk and high out of your minds... to may ease the pain, soften the confounding...
...we participate in this self destruction as a cultural norm of modernity... somehow a step above the barabarity of uncivlized populations that take pause, hold sacred ceremonies... pray... bow down... light herbs to honor ancestors and the Great Mystery...
...new years... whether gregorian or otherwise... is an opportunity to re-assess... to reflect... to Surrender to the not-knowing... to Knowing and accepting that there is something greater than you and that you are Great in the Surrender and Become...
...ramha is this... it is the retreat into the womb... and the last moments... 25 minutes now... are the moments before a baby is pulled out into this world... yanked from the Light of darkness... into the dark of fluorescence...
...so...
...what will you be?... who will you be...?...
...in these last moments of Rahma...
...who will come out of this period of Quietude... of growing inside... of reciting/reflecting on/exploring revelation?...
...who were you before this month?...
...the script can be rewritten... the character revised... the character who walks in material realms in delusion... destitute and seeking... this is the time to let go... to find liberation in the taking away... of the letting go...
...i have a bunch of clothes for you...
...this is the time to release... to make way... to clear the road... for the Be-coming... who is wanting to come out?... how will this new Being do it different...?...
...base it on the lessons of the past 30 days of fasting...
...for the past 30 days i was in Surrender to not eating and drinking... i never considered a taste of this or that... even when friends i held brief moments with during this period of quarantine ordered food... drank from their water canisters... smoked spliffs...
...for the past 30 days... i continued through my asana practice in the morning... continued to do my remote gig... continued to read write reflect...
...for the past 30 days i continued to cook... growing deeper in pestos and green juices... and buffalo cauliflower "wings"... in prayer in community with my dad... in making medicine for my parents... in Connecting with herbs in my daily walks with and without the homie...
...for the past 30 days i read portions of the Qur'an... wrote reflections of it in my journal... i learned from the wisdom within it that ALLAH Guides those who Seek Guidance... who walk the path of Guidance instead of being passive in their knowledge... that those who are armchair in their approach are hypocrites and cowards... whose belief is questionable... as, on the one hand they say they believe but their actions show their deep attachment to this world...
...ALLAH is Infinite...
...there is no end in sight... no scarcity... give everything... give it all... give it your all... what are you giving?... what you are good at... your talents... what babylon tells you to write a business plan for... tells you that you should save the best for last... to question everything... to love your skin and features and build walls between yourself and others through identity politics...
...what i am rebirthing... who i will Be...
...after learning in previous years that to fall in Love with ALLAH is to Connect through Surrender...
...and what do with this Love is to service Creation...
...and the question remaining is now that i know how to fall in Love with You through deep Connections with Your paradoxical multiplicity and Oneness...
...and to use this Love to serve... which will kindle and rekindle the Love and grow it...
...the question is... how do i do this?... how do i Love and share this Love?... and the answer is glaring...
...do it...
... be fearless in the doing... Be it... claim it... be unapologetic in the Truth of this...
...walk it... to walk it fearlessly through entering the discomfort... through focus... discipline and serving those who need you... those around you... to integrate what you Know to offer in this focused manner...
...what is it that i Am Becoming... who i arrived as through ancestry... medicine man... and who i arrive at from pain/hurt/sadness - community...
...what exactly this will look like is unimportant... what remains is to be this fully... by... as ALLAH reminds me... from spending from the bounty you have... you hold... without thrift... without holding back... without a moment of shading into doubt and the not doing...
...one minute now... see you on the other side of the womb... inshALLAH...
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