don't feed the wolf...the elder sister told me, staring at me intently and passively
the wolf is our desire for material, for tastes, for food...it is desire, and builds a garbage pile, obstructs our spirit...she said, her orange hair pasted on her luminscent skin, slight veins working through her face...
i asked for her any wisdom, insight, she might have for my new sun cycle. she was sitting next to me, on the same bench in the cafe. her girl friend, had gone to the bathroom. we looked at each other intently, locked eyes, said hi. that's when i asked her.
her friend returned, beamed sunny blue eyes at me, as the women i was speaking with told her my suncycle was coming up
mine is too, she said.
ah yes, fellow cancerian.
yes, we are said to be tenacious.
yeah? how so?
we go after what we want, without inhibition.
it resonated. held true for me.
we said bye.
i asked yogini later. after she came to meet me at the cafe, and we walked around astoria for an hour.
yogini said that she thought about this since our last meeting, that if i truly wanted to have a family, i needed to become independent, to find a way to stand on my own two feet, to be able to be on my own, take care of myself so i could take care and provide for others.
anything else? i asked her, as we were about to part ways.
yes. overhaul everything.
ok.
yes, everything that you are comfortable with, that keeps you in a place of complacency.
have a clear destination, my homie said, as i watched him smoke, outside and around the bend from the cafe, after we hugged, after i thanked him for being a big part of this past sun-cycle...he said i had a strong tool kit, that unlike many i was moving towards what i was here for, but that i needed to stabilize as well, that i need to touchdown, get grounded. destination rung in my head - in regards to place/home, and work/purpose - as we walked back, him, flicking the cigarette mindfully below the wheels of rough riders burning the pavement, and me watching his long neck gracefully hold a thousand tears back, as he turned around, eyes welling, said peace.
your season to just wander aimlessly has passed, my brother, one-who-Knows, said, a little challenged by my carpiciousness in making any decisions about our road plans for the weekend...the morning, of, and i still had no plans...you gotta have a plan he said...a loose one, but something...a day later, after we were in a cafe on the day of the eclipse of sun and moon in a return to womb, i asked him if he had additional insight in my moving forward...you have a lot going for you, he said, you've already invested a lot of life into your purpose...this is rare, he said, white curtains and the botuique town of rosendale flickering in his golden eyes. now is the time to use it...and if you are challenged in sustaining yourself financially, then take on a job that doesn't exhaust you, nor is rote, but meaningful and yet with enough pause to grant you respite in pursuing your Purpose....so move with Purpose...work...be fearless in this work
the couple that came earlier to this mama-pappa cafe, who smiled, who asked how i was doing, who i got into convo on upstate vs downstate conversation with, told me to keep doing what i was doing, you seem positive and open, continue this, and maintain who You Are, wherever you are...the guy, said...his girl, when he looked over at her, said, try something new this year...
during my second vinyasa, spoke to my queen mother...asked her for advice for this suncycle - a house and a wife she said. inshALLAH...
all in all, what i'm hearing is stand on your own two by giving up your sense of comfort/complacency, and becoming through being that which is Always wherever you are, whoever you are around...and in this trusting, actualize that which seems impossible, challenging, difficult, unfamiliar...as doing that which is difficult, or unfamiliar, will grow you so long as you understand that it's not that you can't because you haven't, but you can by asking how can I...and trust 1000 percent that it will happen, because the One is Infinite...
give up your sense of complacency/security and give fully into what you are here for by trusting completing in the Infinite through work, through seeing through the maya - that which is annica can only stop you if you allow it to, if you believe in it...
i believe in You...i believe in a house...
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