sun and moon are close in proximity to my revolution this year - birth and rebirth - in the way landscapes and fireflies cultivate theatre - a resplendent display of fireworks...
emperor n i watched it, in his backyard, leaving the 4th of july party by cayuga lake just before, as the sun barely dipped into the water and i bowed down on grass - maghrib - behind american flags and the beginnings of the thunder of explosive colorful lights...
we drove off....emperor testing our ability to disconnect from gps - drone technologies that have replaced our brains on the road - he kept his phone tucked into his thigh, and we paid careful attention to landmarks in the backcountry...
we made it for 10 minutes, before re-plugging...on the rest of the drive we drank air gushing in tidal waves through the window...
...when we got home, we immediately went outside, in the back, over 20 acres of a once farm-land, now an idyllic landscape of monet's...
...that's where we saw it - the fireworks - the ones put on by the thousands of summer fireflies in a mating dance...
nothing...no fireworks display i ever saw - and we both agreed - could compare to this display of Lights in sacred geometrics...
...emperor and i nodded at each other...he went between laughing wildly, his feline green eyes glowing into laughter...
last full moon i was looking to let go of waiting by doing, by being proactive...to actualize instead of waiting for actualization...
...as part of this...i have left comfort...amidst a moment of precariousness...i have departed what i understood as home to find, build home...to fulfill Purpose...i am clear now that i am a medicine man, not due to degrees or titles, nor a great deal of knowledge, but because of Knowing in and trusting in the Infinite...instead of waiting for home to fall on my lap, i am actively seeking...
overhaul everything, yogini gave me this advice as a gift for my sun cycle, when i asked...
...this month, in the suncycle of giving, i give fully into focus, giving up the sentiment of can't, not good enough, undeserving, etc., rejected...i give into focus in daily ritual and in actualizing home, business, path...
...just this past week i learned of focus beyond emotional pulls through the lessons of annica...due to hesitating, not acting fast enough, i lost the opportunity to have my own pad...i was down, hurt, started questioning whether i should just return to the city, where things were familiar...but then i recalled annicha, recalled AllahuAkbar - ALLAH is greater than moment, any ephemeral emotional state...and all emotional states are short-lived...
...that's when i texted the landlord who denied me, and asked him if he had other properties...after days of apartment/room hunting, i was growing, but dikr in Infinite reminded me that this was a moment, like all moments, a response to a phenomenon, and that it would cease...he told me he had a room...i hit the pedal and rushed over to him...the room and the common areas, shared by 4 other random roommates, was straight out of the seedy hotels in india...it was filthy...all of it...so bad, i wondered how this landlord could get away charging anything for it...
...then i got a call from a lady responding to a space i was interested in, but the price was high and they needed a 6 month commitment...so it wouldn't work...i saw a number on a building as i walked towards my car...called...left a message...strike after strike after strike...
...as i was driving, i saw another number for rentals on a building...i called and after 7 rings, the lady that answered the phone said she had something for me, in my price range. it was definite she said. she told me meet her the following day at 9....i was so thrilled, i told everyone - my friend who i'm crashing with, my brother...invited him and one of the other homies to come through and stay with me...God is good, i was thinking...
...woke up early enough to pray, do asana, pack, stuff my car, make breakfast, and tea, shower and with 10 minutes to meeting her, i was doing 75 down a 45...
...five minutes away from the spot, i get a call...it was the lady i 'd spoken with last night. it's a no-go she said, sorry.
...this time though, i was neither sad nor distraught...this time, i got the lesson...
...i was supposed to experience this emotional vacillation, this monkey mind in full action - ready to latch on the whatever it feels pleasure in, and hang from what it feels as pain...
...this time, i learned the importance of 5 times a day...of the importance of non-negotiable rituals that have no monetary value to them - cannot be bought or sold, nor packaged nor marketed...
...before i met the lady, i did what i always do - rleieve my body of yesterdays junk, ablutions, prayer, asana, goondoosha, prepare breakfast, take a shower, oil up...
after speaking with her, i found a cafe to sit in, and went straight to set out my day - imminent things i needed to get done - get gas, oil for the car engine, get a belt, find a place. instead of losing a focus, i worked wth great discipline and equanimity till i sent out a dozen requests for housing...then i set forth getting my tasks done...after, i did my asana practice in the park...
...even the friend i ran into, who wanted to catch up and shoot the breeze, i realized, was, only an emotional refuge...my asana practice was more important, told him i had a session ahead of me...
...the lesson in moving forward this month, even as my situation remains precarious, is to give myself over to focus, working diligently towards this end, and trusting in the Infinite, without growing too attached to the outcome...annicha, annicha
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