.........

near...close to the flat line

...saw it...

breathed through it as the car spun, orbits of streaks on the highway...

in and out of the road, lost control of the steering wheel, the break, the gas...

the car spun again, one last time, into a tree...

...air bags, smoke...

what if the car becomes fireworks, a cloud? i thought...

...took off the seat belt, the key was stuck...walked out barefoot in one leg, the other limped forward...

i walked out into the thorny bush, into the road...

...put on my shoe...stood there for a moment, looked back at the car...

watched the guy in the farm across the street mow the lawn in his tractor, watched a few cars whiz by...

...one car turned around...came back...a middle aged lady walked out, concern wrinkling her face, asked me if i was alright...

...yes...

come over to the shade, she said.

i did. stood there...

she asked me if i called 911. not yet, i said...was about to...

...the car was totaled, crushed on one side in the front...no other vehicle, no other person involved...just me...

...the car was totaled, and somehow i walked out unscathed

...somehow...

...all praise is due to the One-ness...

...so i am still here...and what occurred was regret...was the exercise of the end, what would you regret if this was it? a written exercise in one of the self-help/thrive/etc books i read...maybe 7 habits of...maybe...

...what would you regret if this was it...if you met your end in this manifestation as human being...???...

...i would regret the obligations i haven't fulfilled...the transformation i've avoided...the first this then that apporach that has kept me in shadows...that has kept me from movement...

...i would regret the responsibilities i haven't fulfilled to my immediate family, my extended family, my extended extended in friends, my extended extended in other beings - humans and other species - 2-leggeds, 4-leggeds, plant life, marine life, water, air...

...what i learned is that no amount of money is worth compromising dreams, and dreams being that which is more than about me or just you, or any one individual, but about passing the torch towards ascension into One-ness...

...no lack of money can stop you from fulfilling that which you are here to serve...serve...open hands, open arms...maintain focus...this is more than about you...and at once, your presence is utterly needed to fulfill that which needs fulfilling...

...work...stay focused as you work...put aside the phone...maintain transparency with all those around...you will not always be able to get to the phone...or email...or text...or fb...be clear...present...

...presence through focus, through work...through annicha...

...what happened was neither good nor bad...it was a lesson, a sign...

...the sign has been to give yourself over to presence, through focus and work...be fully present...the Lover...isa (s.a.w)...work with vulnerability, tears, laughter...but maintain clear focus - eyes, ears, smell, touch...

...taste the air you are breathing now...as you work, as you move towards destination, which is in the work itself...

...things can no longer be the same...movement is different...the ancient ways of the cosmos becomes more prevalent...the orbits of rituals make more sense - prayerss asanas, pranayamas, meditaitons, eliminations, hydration, detox, meals, goondooshas - kriyas...

...and now...with these anchors...give yourself over to Infinite...to Knowing that as you work towards truth there is no money, no walls, no class, that stands in the way...the Way is in the work, the moment to moment, through the release of, giving up of meaning in money, in that which you see is in your way...through the doing of what you have to do...for me - make medicine, hold space for those who wish to be in a space of healing, of healing others, of connecting with that which is Always...

...in this moment...this blog...my ALL...the friend who sits before me...my ALL...the place i reside in...Peace...the kitchen to make the medicine...heal - heart to heart...the house to hold space, cultivate healing chambers of svedhana, shidrodhara, abhyanga, education to carry forth the Way...the car to transport safely...the Love to maintain vulnerability...to be in full Trust...

...all praise is due...