...control is a tricky thing... is necessary and good in some ways... confusing in other...
...depending audience... who is the audience you are controlling for?...
...this month's intention is to let go of control... but the question i've been asking myself to facilitate this has been drawing confusion...
...what am i trying to control?... i asked myself as i walked up state st... my shoulders slightly drawn back and down, my chest broad, heart open... walking like a puma in the wild, traversing hundreds of miles a day...
...the answer is: my posture so i can be in tadasana, in King-asana, the flight of a warrior-King... my breath so it can be in prana-yama... in life extension... is that a bad thing?...
...i was faced with this when i was cheffing up cauliflower recently... asked myself this question... what am i trying to control?... the answer: the melting point of the cauliflower, so it melded equally with the potatoes... so that it was an even blend... is that a bad thing?...
...i found myself asking this again when the clouds of rigamarole, of: "life is but a poor player that struts frets his hour upon the stage and is heard no more" (-macbeth, shakespeare) ... settled in an hour before dusk, and i countered this through the ancient breath of fire... bhastrika pranayama...
...in doing so... i prevented a mind to spiral in existential crises.... in netszhe and kurt cobain... in heidegger and robin williams... is that a bad thing? should i have stopped the control?... afterall the follow up question is: how do i let go of control?...
...the answer to how to let go of control has been more enlightening... its been leading me to believe that control requires being something you are not... adjusting to a mold... whereas letting go of control could lead to abysmal bottoms... or if drawn from the lineage of the guru muhammad... of prophet isa... of krshna... it could mean letting go of control to Be...
...Be-ing is the Purpose in this purpose... in asana... it is being the eagle, being the downward and upward dog... being the scorpion... being King in headstand... it is defying limits in floating and leg behind head and handstand/pressup/split vinyasas... in being warrior and transforming into deeo balance vinyasas like warrior 3 into bow, into half moon...
...so... control is a necessary step to Be-coming... as we humans are out of synch with our Nature... with our Self...
...as i Am Be-ing... in this quick moment... that will pass... i let go of trying to control from a place of wrong intention...
...the question that may better serve control is what are you trying to control for the sake of audience right now?... and that would be more accurate... is resolving through: how can you let go...
...if at a moment when i link up with you, i ask myself what am i trying to control... and the answer is: the way you see me... how? through these shades and hat i wear... why? because i don't want you to see my frazzled thinning hair and want you to see my shades, and the cool hat i have on... why? ... because i want you to accept me... to more than accept me... whoa... i want you to respect, recognize, idolize me... set me apart from others... idolize me... why?... to be on top of the game... to be winning... why? ... i don't know... i guess so i can be better than... because i believe i am less than... because i believe this is it... because i believe your acceptance of me is crucial and your rejection confirming of something wrong with me... why?... because i believe this is real... why? ... because it seems to be the only thing i know... and because of housing... and social capital... and jobs... and touch... and lovers... and friends... do you want to be Connecting with people who connect with you on a falsehood?... no... no... i want for anyone who connects with me to Connect with that which is Real... how do you let go of this control then?... by Be-ing... by Be-ing that which i Am... not this body... not this mind... but Always... and Never... how do you become this... through fearlessness... through being vulnerable... being transparent with these human emotions... through listening to You... through being Quiet... through Breath... through sharing the Gifts i have attained... through the Laws... through focus... through livelihood that grows Us - earth, you, species, air, water, space... how... through Being Your Work...
... what are you trying to control in how you look to your audience? how do you shift your audience to You?...
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