...the plan...

...mission possible...

...my mission is to be part of and build meaningful community of Love respect fairness and thriving that is about showing up for one another... that supports/encourages each other/ that does this through shared Work. i am not looking to start something new, but instead take my lessons from the village traditions of my own family in which the phrase "it takes a village" was an everyday reality - the good and the bad.... for many years (15 years) i have been imagining building an ashram-school community that centralizes ancient medicine and honors the religious traditions of the people involved (jewish, christian, muslim, bhuddist, hindu, wiccan, pagan, agnostic). i have spent many years having these conversations with family friends and strangers, including living and visiting models of intentional communities... including co-ops, eco-villages (upstate, ny), villages (bangladesh/india/guatemala), ashrams (india) and universities (throughout u.s.). i have envisioned doing this with my parents, brother, other bio and non bio family (as these relations are the easiest to discard, and the most important to reconcile). i've come to the conclusion for myself that a fusion of the ashram-eco-village-college model holds the most resonance for me. i've talked to and have been asked by family members to start small... with a family house we get, in which i run a clinic and school based on the ancient teachings in healing arts that i've spent a good deal life/money/energy studying, practicing/living and offering. that i do this in community and to support building community with those who take courses.

logistics:

i have spent much of my life spending and giving this work... and have realized how important it is to charge. when there is an exchange of currency, there is more gravity that both parties place.

offerings:

clinic: holding clinic for clients who seek healing for their health (body-mind-spirit), based on a fusion of principles from ayurveda-yoga-and western naturopathy. all of this based on an initial session of assessing constitutional composition and current elemental imbalance.

based on this, subsequent sessions may involve: nutritional adjustment/support/alignment, talk-therapy using tarot, bodywork (abhyanga, shiroabhyanga, shirodhara, vastis), etc. and/or plugging clients into a program:

programs: 1. panchakarma 2. nutritional alignment 3. seasonal alignment

courses: for me the idea behind the courses is to build community through a meaningful experience that grows them in their individual path, and in community. some course offerings: ayurvedic-nutrition, ayurvedic herbalism, poetic-homeostasis (creative sensory writing workshop to heal from our past), intro to ayurveda (for practitioners who want to incorporate ayurveda into their work/lives), yoga system (a course that goes through angas of yoga, including pancha-maha-kosha, asana, pranayama, diet, etc.)

my price point: my rate has been $125 per session for some years now. the average rate for ayurvedic/yoga therapy/naturopathic work is $175/hr. most of these practitioners curate/diagnose, similar to western physicians who see a client for a little bit and all the work is done by the flibotomist, nurse/s, pharmacists, etc. i am the only one i know who does the actual hands on Work... in the traditional way of medicine man - assessing the client, and then coming up with a meal plan, bodywork plan, movement plan, herbal medicine plan... and doing this hands-on - the bodywork, making the medicine, sharing and teaching how to cook in alignment, etc.

pricing rational: i think pricing should be based on experience, amount of time studying, relationship to craft, practicing/growing deep in your craft, and offering meaningful Work. i've spent over 6 figures in my studies. i've studied and am degreed in creative writing (which is a deep part of my healing work), nutritional science, herbalism, massage (LMT), Ayurvedic Panchakarma (diagnosis, treatment planning, nutrition, bodywork (over 13 types), herbalism), and yoga. i also live this through daily practice in yoga/veganism/prayer/meditation/herbal balancing/medicine making/fasting/detoxing...

...carried away and steering...

...this is what i'm wondering... i think the reason why being carried away... being without direction and just letting things happen could be a challenge is that it could feel empty... it could feel like party and bull sh@t... it could feel like another day/s have gone by and you've done very little and although the interactions you had felt okay... and sometimes good... not deeply meaningful...

... there is small talk and then there is deep talk... and sometimes the two become conflated... depending on who You Are... i tend to be interested in people's path... in what they Love... in what moves them... and so a lot of one-off conversations on law of attraction and non-coincedence... on ALLAHment... and asana breath fana...

...this was this past weekend... wandering... from one convo to another... no deeper building... and i am reminded of the wisdom from guru pops - walk back... walk back these past ten years and see how you moved... see how you did... see how you spent your time...

...i think he could've easily said these past 30 years... this past life... as i think i've probably been more aligned in my recent past then ever before... a lot of which is due to the discipline of yogum... of asana vegetarianism/veganism/prayer/fasting/full moon/writing/studying ancient medicine...

...with that said... what hasn't happened is the sharing... highway-to-heaven has appeared as that road for me to share... to offer my offerings... and if i were there... this past weekend with these offerings... with these exchange mediums... with Work... then the convo would feel different than the adolescents saturating the place...

...could be why much of my dreams see me as a young man... as facing juvenile issues...

...good Lord...

...so reimagined... what happened on earth 3 trillion galaxies away is that i came into the fest this weekend with herbal mixtures and tinctures... scents and stones... a course on Kingship and Queenship... on journaling to Connect... on being there with kids... with community... as part of building growing community...

...full moon lunar eclipse july 2019...

... in the name of ALLAH...

...been here before... past lives are within this life... reincarnation happens several times...  same apartment... same streets... past lives... you see them as you walk down the stairs of your building and hear the boy/girl the adolescent.. the man/woman that you were... the voice of homies and significant others breathe out like smoke...

...sometimes you choke... like it's too much... like you don't get it... how... why?... what happened.. .when?... was that you?... where are you now...?....

...eclipsed... this full moon... july... hot... red hot... the moon reflecting earth instead of sun... as we are on the other side of the sun... northern solstice shifting shortly to southern solstice...

...what does it mean that the moon reflects earth and not the sun?... it appears dark... shrouded in cloud... it appears not to exist at all...

...saw the waxing moon the days leading up to it... started my fast wednesday night... and after 45 hours... came out of the fast on tuesday... 6pm... on the day of the full moon... on the lunar eclipse...

...the fast was intense... i was tempted to break it after 24hours... feeling the pangs of hunger... the whips and scorns of time clearing from my body in the heat... in intense asana movements... in doing sweats in the car... svedhanana... was reminded today... during my sweat... in the car... shutting 92 degrees out to steam in 110... becoming a puddle in my seat...

...sunday was a return from p.a... sleep deprived i slept the entire time in the bus... knocked out... dreamt... after 1.5hrs  asana... after making breakfast - avocado smash with baked sweet potato... after rituals kept me grounded... even thru surreal... rushed into the streets into the subway... hustled in... people watched and returned... home... by noon... asana session 2... shower... ate... went to the park with nephews n fam... it was odd... surreal... inauthentic... contrived... nuclear family rooted in condo developments... vs village... vs ancient... odd... idiosyncratic... the condos win... the ancient is in the margins... but I AM that...

...ate after i ate... after i brushed... and this added to the lethargy... to the oddness of sunday... took a walk... sluggish... walked to the burek spot... balkan cuisine... freshly baked phyllo covering apples... spinach and cheese... veganistics kept me in the apple lane... for ammu... for a project...

...conveyed my confusion about jobs... about decision to stay or go... to go overseas... or here and get my medicine moving... to philosopher professor... he listens well... he's affirming... i need someone to make a decision for me... sometimes... but then i Am reminded of You... of Purpose... of not acclimating to what's is sick... this is sick... i Am here to support the cure... mine and yours... with you not on you...

...crashed the car into a tree... again... when parking... second time... ammu said third time... didn't count the crash crash... the spun out of control... what would i ask that dead guy...?... if you had a chance to live what would you do for the next couple of years?... he would say... King... You Are here to do it Glorious... to be One with the One... to spread Truth and Love... that time is precious and not worth wasting it on being a slave... he would say... get that house for ammu... commit to it... commit to a woman and build a family... teach the kids in the Way... build the village... do it fearlessly... and Quietly... Quietness is the surest sign...

...so i fasted... begun my fast that night... and floated through the next day... un-compromised...  did the same tuesday... yawned all day... sleep deprived... made me wonder about my yoga practice... how else could i spend my time... what am i not doing that i should be?...

...this led me to rearrange asana into not a time to reach... but a practice to finish... which asanas do i want to get to..? do i need to... that will grow me...?...

...this full moon... in light of a month in which i was denied what i thought was definite... i am made aware that nothing is... that it's essential to be active... to actively strive towards actualizing... k-uncle said... added... when i shared how i quote him... on regrets - take more risks when i was younger... he added - do it aggresively... go after what you want aggressively... what do i want?...

...at the end... when it looked like ti wouldn't work out... i went after china aggressively... but the door was closing...

...instead of a thing.... the experience... the feeling... the lift i would like is: to see a n a glowing... to see them playing... to see them loved and respected... this happens through village... through intergeneration... not through 6 figure jobs...

...the experience is feeling loved respected touched... seeing others feel loved respected kind...

...what did i learn?... what did i learn this past month...?... what isn't serving me?...

...what isn't serving me is lies... is not getting things done in time... is missing the boat... is not being able to commit fully and act accordingly agressively... timely... what is serving are the questions: what would the Lover do?... what is scary to you?/what are afraid of... do it...

...this month i make commitments... decisively and stick to it... to the things that the dead me would've wanted... would've regretted... what would the dead you have committed to? commit to it and work aggressively towards it...

...12 july 2019... how is it different...?...

...how are you Being the person who will actualize Your Truth...?... how are You letting go of that you are not?... that which keeps you in maya... in what appears... in the company of those who reinforce this....?...

... my sahabas are people of cosmos... they are covered in the shroud of galaxies that hubble telescopes have yet to identify... that may never be able to...

...my sahabas are Lovers... in ALLAHment... Loving You... Being with You... playing throughout the day... taking your words with Love... thanks... an opportunity... a hmm... this person that just threatened me... gave me an ultimatum...etc... pushed me to think... to approach life with play... to step it up... to act... to not be a victim... to do it differently... just as everyone does anytime they ask you or confront you with a dilemma that if you were honest in response to would unveil your Truth...

...my boss asked me staying or going?... torn i said... honestly... but it has required me to Be clear about what i want and then pose this to her...

...in the name of ALLAH...

...friday - i groom... clip nails... shape up... tidy up... declutter...

...ammu... when i shared one of the surahs i learned during ramadhan asked if i shared it with my brothers... no i said... thinking i'm moving in Quiet... when you Know in the Way of ALLAH... it is Your duty to share... i get it now... the lesson comes home... her food... her Knowing cooking... and that peoples heart Connect to this... the news of the world and being able to navigate this... as abbu does through staying a constant student of Knowledge... when he was pasted in his ipad last night... i asked... what are you reading... he said he just finished reading the nyt... after reading the w.post... and the hindustani times... as well as dailies from turkey bangladesh and pakistan...

...they both share their craft with others...

...the reminder is to share... to Connect in the sharing... immediate... don't wait to get it right...

..the 7 of wands reminds me of this today... stay Connected.... what will Connect You this weekend?...

...for me... the summer means Connect up North... the time to appreciate the northern latitude... vermont... nh... ny... canada... be fearless in your pursuit.. find the classes courses... people out there...and Connect... inshALLAH...

... 

...like paul and barnabas...

...7.5.19... today... research... jaz already went back to him... they are reunited in possible matrimony or steering in that direction... prayers her way... judith came up in conversation in pizza at woodstock... 7 years ago... after returning from somewhere and her from korea... her first stint abroad... we took the trip with bro and sufi... who got married recently to some dude i met briefly... who could've been replaced by beauty strength and love in the form of cb... but it didn't happen this way... nothing happens in the way you would think...

...hurt my back again in the dwi-pada-shirsasana... look forward to movement... to standing on my hands and forearms... in going further... in coming into a wheel... in staying in scorpion... in feet touching head... today is the 5th of juy and i pee out the door... see if my brother is there... if he and his woman-friend are concluded in cruise and roll up to collect belognings... phone... ipad... me... stuff ourselves back in the car like people... a few of them... in a warehouse... spacious... upstate breathes spaciousness... and i breathe because air is precious and rapdily commoidified... so you are sayign that in capitalism everything is a commodity... yes... i responded to my students... this is the proposition... there were no cards from the d.o.e that sought my appearance in court to defend the sentence of being a communist... i am not that... i am not a communist or not not one... meaning i believe in what is right by the earth and by people and other species and the cosmos...

...been writing about what i believe for decades... and someone asked me yesterday... when i described the ecovillage i would visit if it were a utopia... i believe utopia to have a negative connotation so i said not exactly... utopian sounds like idealistic... idealism... ungrounded in reality... at this point i don't know what they point of my job is... i know that i do workshops... i know that these workshops are for the purpose of enhancing tools... skills... that they are grounded in a philsophy... in a way of doing things... kind of like a sale... fine... if belief fully aligns... talk me directy if you want an answer... if you want to know what i mean... nothing to hide from you...

...my grave lays besides me and i Am fully in this to spread gospel of community... ecovillages... living in ALLAHment... like paul and barnabas... 

...four... five... on planet earth...

...2 july 2019...

...odd... ebbs and flows... last year... at this time... drove up to ithaca w poet... on the 4th... caught fireworks... in time for a munchie stop at greenstar... enough time to run in to emperor and get the invitation for cayuga lake... where everyone would be... a pit stop at home... to freshen up... first her... at her new apt... then me... back in west hill... a parallel block...

...in a parallel universe... a bit of a double life... something about the suit doesn't suit me... but yogi-sadhya would tell me that it's just clothes... that they mean nothing... that we give it meaning... that you are merely doing your duty... that... that i would need to go in... deep in... so deep... to transform the out... the interaction... the way i am engaging may be off...

...the year before with 1 who Knows... hit the road... first to PA... and then... that same night... to new paltz... to crash at a junk of a house that a friend of a friend was kind enough to lend us... but if i could do it again, i would've gotten an air b n b with yoga and herbs for brother and i... as the money burned anyway... it's inevitable... time goes... money goes... money also comes... time doesn't...

...dropped him off in poughkepsie and flew to ithaca, pausing in new paltz, at an herb farm guest house yoga space... a dream... there were guests from spain, argentina... apprentices from idaho, mass pike... a dream... within Reach... perhaps the start... with who...

...the main drive behind china was being paid to live somewhere else, fly there, bring my folks there, eat there, live there meet folks there... check out that city and neighboring places... take advantage of and go to india... grow deeper in yogi... hit thailand and indonesia and malaysia... learn thai massage, get thai massage, eat thai food, check out japan... cambodia... vietnam... a n a outside the states... cb coming thru... yusef visiting... steph coming thru... mike and lilli... walking out... and being at work... no car to fall asleep in... now... writing... feels like a dream... was it a dream?... something about being paid for... that i didn't come up with the cash but got paid to...

...then it didn't happen... what do i do now?...

...win win... cause lose win is defeatest... is you win i lose... is what's the point...?... is woe is me...

...whew... so the eulogy is this... he went to china and taught there for a year... and came back... and sent out resumes again...

...what's the end game King?... what are You here for?... to reinforce the tribe you have... to build tribe... to Connect... meaningfully... build meaningful tribe... not just good times...

...this happened most profoundly through massage school... through panchakarma school... through going through a challenge together... in a way that we were learning the material... grappling together with a subject matter... towards something... towards what?... becoming something - becoming a massage therapist... becoming a panchakarmist... becoming a yogi... the universal school of yoga...

...kids... where are the kids?... i keep learning... hearing ... that it is through the Work that everything will fall in place... what is the work i believe in?... what is the Work?...

...being kind... compassionate... listening...

...i value yoga... islam... the teachings of the prophet muhammad, the prophets: krsna... siddhartha... musa... isa... confucius... yellow emperor... patanjali...

...i value Connecting... through movement... through making... creating... cooking... writing... listening... supporting...

...this past year... hard lessons... rather deep and powerful and meaningful lessons... the lesson to be Lover by listening... by letting go of pretenses of self... of what i imagine i am and what i am owed... i have learned through my yelling at Philosopher that i am unresolved with what i believe happened to me... that i am hurt and that i was a victim instead of i was blessed to receive the Love and kindness and discipline that i have... that the story i chose was based on a contrast with a culture i wished to be a part of and that didn't reflect the culture of my home...

...what i am afraid of is to tell you that i raised my voice with my dad on the morning of eid... after going through a beautiful month that felt rich in ease and felt full with community... and i wondered about the question i asked - now that i Know how to fall in Love with You... how do i apply this?... what do i do with it?... and although i had intellectual thoughts towards this end... i believe there is a lesson that last day presented... the lesson?...

...storylines... what you believe to be you... what story you have accepted... how you play this story out... how you asif play this story out in becoming a victim of your own making...

...and that there is heat that seethes within me... this is the morsel for this blog that may be relevant... as a medicine man... as someone on the path... i have anger within me... and that anger isn't justified... and i know you can justify it... i know entire academic departments exist to justify this... but they construct the song of the victim... celebrating victimhood...

...the Truth is... in transitioning from ancient to modern... my senses took over... i wanted... i wanted to be seen recognized attractive... this meant dressing in brands... the latest... this meant spending... listening to the same music everyone else was... pouting... looking mean... it meant being and looking for models of this to become...as my family was from outer space... it meant i learn to not be myself... and it was only in the recent past that i feel me... that i feel like this is me...

...i am indian... even if the new india hates me and tells me i am not... i am bangladeshi... even if i feel disturbed by our over population...

...day becomes night... i have field of things... of stuff... to go through... kids fill this place and i wonder if they are my kids... or what it would be like to have kids... kids who would be teens... in high school...

...the story is that i am here... still... somehow... and jazz helped me rewrite... revise... and i am still here... still in wonderment...

...although things didn't pan out as expected... i understand now... a little bit more... what it means to be a Lover... which is to Love... to try... to be vulnerable... to be in gratitude...

...i am in gratitude... it means to try... to Reach... to do Your best...

...last sun cycle i asked myself what are you afraid of... and walked in... this solstice i realized that i needed to burn the person i have been to Become the person who does what i want... what has to give?... what has to change?... who do i want to Become...?...

...i want to Be a medicine man that is truly of service, who helps people heal by Connecting with You... who builds community that is meaningful... through courses... through courses that grow folks into Being their Highest.... who makes 7 figures in the doing... but this amount is only in relation to and used for tribe... family... growing a world of Lovers who Reach for You...

...what's keeping me?... security in a job... in paychecks... in needing to or feeling i need to have security... in feeling like i will not succeed, will be rejected, will be doing this alone... be isolated...

...who do i have to be come... someone who is singleminded... dedicated... 100... focused... takes risks... believes it can happen... believes it is possible... does not move with guilt about what he hasn't done but moves with lessons from the past... with gratitude of failures, shortcomings and all the Love...

...what do i have to become? what do i have to burn?... the fear... the hoarding... the lack of transparency... the lack of trying... have to become the kind of person who lays out a plan... puts it out... gets feedback through the trying... through the doing... the kind of person who does... and does... and supports other people in the doing... like paul and barnabas... becasue it is Work that needs to be done and you believe in it 1000%...

...3....july...19...

...100 years ago...jewish immigrants in nyc grappling with philosophy in tenements in the lower east side... reimagining another world... one of social equities... people over profit... children running around... growing up like a village... networks through past and journey in a present... transmigration...

...100 years later... mexican... salvadorian... dominican... hatian... nigerian... bangladeshi... chinese... nepali... korean... malian... senegalese... polish...

...100 years later... america... 50 years after simone de boueavoir.... 40 years after movement... resistance... struggle for a new world... resistance songs... all praise is due...

... in the name of ALLAH...

...today... four... five...

...today i met... meet... self... today i was here... watching myself... noticing that i felt inept... that i didn't know how to navigate the space.... that i didn't know how to help... i felt the people there... at the workshop... they knew... and what we were teaching... i didn't know... not well enough... not enough to help... also felt disconnected... didn't feel a relation... felt compliance... felt like i should... felt like i had to be there... compliance... felt like i had to ask permission to leave... to not be there... even though is my born day and they knew... even though i'd worked 5.5 hours straight without a break... in retrospect... felt tension from them... distrust... felt they needed me to be subordinate...

...it would felt better if they gave me more than lip service... more than a text... if they gave me some care today... not just happy birthday... if they said don't bother coming in... if they thanked me for showing up... for putting in work... even though i've been thinking of leaving...

...but that's me expecting from the outside... for me... for me... coming from inside... from within... Lover... what would Lover do... Be present... be honest about it... be charmane... hey... i'm feeling left out right now... after coming back to the office... asking boss... hey can i have a minute... do you expect me to stay right now?... i'm asking... need to know...

...Lover would've been risky... waged risk... knowing that the consequence may be unfavorable... but its okay cause then that's what's supposed to Be... Lover would've been clear that they like to keep a schedule... that they like to know more... that they prefer clear communication... Lover would not pretend... hey... am i expected to stay after my time?... i am fully in it... when i am in it...

...Lover would come home and Love his mom and dad... laugh at their dismay... celebrate them... get them flowers... take them out for dessert somewhere... maybe in L.I.C...

...what would Lover do tonight?... celebrate... give...would gift... take out... go out.... desert at the park...

...what would Lover do about medicine man?... make the medicine... try... be honest... ask for help... help... Love you to Love... have tears...

...what would Lover do about job... look elsewhere... be honest about it... try... take risks...