... in the name of ALLAH...
...been here before... past lives are within this life... reincarnation happens several times... same apartment... same streets... past lives... you see them as you walk down the stairs of your building and hear the boy/girl the adolescent.. the man/woman that you were... the voice of homies and significant others breathe out like smoke...
...sometimes you choke... like it's too much... like you don't get it... how... why?... what happened.. .when?... was that you?... where are you now...?....
...eclipsed... this full moon... july... hot... red hot... the moon reflecting earth instead of sun... as we are on the other side of the sun... northern solstice shifting shortly to southern solstice...
...what does it mean that the moon reflects earth and not the sun?... it appears dark... shrouded in cloud... it appears not to exist at all...
...saw the waxing moon the days leading up to it... started my fast wednesday night... and after 45 hours... came out of the fast on tuesday... 6pm... on the day of the full moon... on the lunar eclipse...
...the fast was intense... i was tempted to break it after 24hours... feeling the pangs of hunger... the whips and scorns of time clearing from my body in the heat... in intense asana movements... in doing sweats in the car... svedhanana... was reminded today... during my sweat... in the car... shutting 92 degrees out to steam in 110... becoming a puddle in my seat...
...sunday was a return from p.a... sleep deprived i slept the entire time in the bus... knocked out... dreamt... after 1.5hrs asana... after making breakfast - avocado smash with baked sweet potato... after rituals kept me grounded... even thru surreal... rushed into the streets into the subway... hustled in... people watched and returned... home... by noon... asana session 2... shower... ate... went to the park with nephews n fam... it was odd... surreal... inauthentic... contrived... nuclear family rooted in condo developments... vs village... vs ancient... odd... idiosyncratic... the condos win... the ancient is in the margins... but I AM that...
...ate after i ate... after i brushed... and this added to the lethargy... to the oddness of sunday... took a walk... sluggish... walked to the burek spot... balkan cuisine... freshly baked phyllo covering apples... spinach and cheese... veganistics kept me in the apple lane... for ammu... for a project...
...conveyed my confusion about jobs... about decision to stay or go... to go overseas... or here and get my medicine moving... to philosopher professor... he listens well... he's affirming... i need someone to make a decision for me... sometimes... but then i Am reminded of You... of Purpose... of not acclimating to what's is sick... this is sick... i Am here to support the cure... mine and yours... with you not on you...
...crashed the car into a tree... again... when parking... second time... ammu said third time... didn't count the crash crash... the spun out of control... what would i ask that dead guy...?... if you had a chance to live what would you do for the next couple of years?... he would say... King... You Are here to do it Glorious... to be One with the One... to spread Truth and Love... that time is precious and not worth wasting it on being a slave... he would say... get that house for ammu... commit to it... commit to a woman and build a family... teach the kids in the Way... build the village... do it fearlessly... and Quietly... Quietness is the surest sign...
...so i fasted... begun my fast that night... and floated through the next day... un-compromised... did the same tuesday... yawned all day... sleep deprived... made me wonder about my yoga practice... how else could i spend my time... what am i not doing that i should be?...
...this led me to rearrange asana into not a time to reach... but a practice to finish... which asanas do i want to get to..? do i need to... that will grow me...?...
...this full moon... in light of a month in which i was denied what i thought was definite... i am made aware that nothing is... that it's essential to be active... to actively strive towards actualizing... k-uncle said... added... when i shared how i quote him... on regrets - take more risks when i was younger... he added - do it aggresively... go after what you want aggressively... what do i want?...
...at the end... when it looked like ti wouldn't work out... i went after china aggressively... but the door was closing...
...instead of a thing.... the experience... the feeling... the lift i would like is: to see a n a glowing... to see them playing... to see them loved and respected... this happens through village... through intergeneration... not through 6 figure jobs...
...the experience is feeling loved respected touched... seeing others feel loved respected kind...
...what did i learn?... what did i learn this past month...?... what isn't serving me?...
...what isn't serving me is lies... is not getting things done in time... is missing the boat... is not being able to commit fully and act accordingly agressively... timely... what is serving are the questions: what would the Lover do?... what is scary to you?/what are afraid of... do it...
...this month i make commitments... decisively and stick to it... to the things that the dead me would've wanted... would've regretted... what would the dead you have committed to? commit to it and work aggressively towards it...
No comments:
Post a Comment