...the card came up after i shuffled and counted 9... the image was of a sad weak wilting tree, which was tilting over to one side... it was under the grey of a cloudy day...
...today has been sunshiny... and when i saw the card... it resonated more than the cards of the past few days... although the cards of this past week have been full of bounty, sunshine, reward... this card of darkness resonated more... those cards reminded me to find the hidden treasure... the Gift of this manifestation of Being... but i have been feeling a bit uncertain... a bit of that what-am-i-doing-with-my-life... a bit of that how did i get to this point...?... where did i go wrong...?... how do i get out of it...?..
...my dad's wisdom of walk back echoes in my head a lot these days...
...i felt and witnessed the judge in me last night... after i watched a jason-bourne style action film... it was about a so-called middle-eastern terrorists who is freed from maximum security by his band of terror, and for him to brought back to justice a rebel intelligence agent must be brought back... it has twists and turns which make it interesting and compelling... but it is full of violence... of people being killed... of lack of justice... etc. etc... whatever the case i just didn't feel good after i finished watching it and the voice rung in my head - the judgement-voice... this voice asked what are you doing?... etc...
...the judge left me wanting to stay up and watch more t.v. to drown it out... now the judge exists... but the question is are you feeding it or transforming it?... i was feeding it by not going to sleep earlier... when my body wanted to give out... i told myself i should just give in to my senses - to "unwind"... i realized through this course of "unwinding" which i've done many a time in the future - that it was unhealthy... i could've honored my body... read a little, and slept... instead... by the time i went to bed... i was exhausted but not sleepy...
...so what is this card saying...?... why did i get it?... one way to look at it is that it affirms my current mood - i suck, i messed up, i can't get it right... i'm confused... i'm old... etc. etc... but i'm learning that the cards aren't here to tell us that... they only reflect possibility... the dark cards allow us to acknowledge and embrace the dark within us... they affirm that yes you do have these dark sides... but that doesn't mean relish in them... instead... this card is telling me to acknowledge these feelings... and look at what's causing it... get to the roots... and embrace the problem as the Gift... by embracing the resistance to dealing with it... that is... the problem... the judegements only exit because i suppress it... that i am not actively working to resolve/transform it...
...in traditional tarot, the judgement card depicts an almost scriptural judgement day... there are men women and children crawling out of their graves with their hands risen towards the trumpet blower... in islam, the trumpet blower blares twice - once during end times... to announce the return of jesus... as also described in revelations in the bible... and once to awaken the dead to rise for judgement day...
...so what does it mean for me? for you?... according to biddy tarot:
"The Judgement card is calling you to rise up and embrace a higher level of consciousness for the service of your Highest Good. You are experiencing a spiritual awakening and realising that you are destined for so much more. This is your cosmic up-levelling! You hear the call and are ready to act. Tune in to a higher frequency. Let go of your old self and step into this newest version of who you really are.
"The Judgement card often indicates that you need to make a life-changing decision, but unlike those associated with the logical Justice card, this decision requires a blend of intuition and intellect. You may be at a crossroads, aware that any choice you make will bring a significant change with long-lasting effects. Tune in to your Higher Self, trust your judgement and know you are on the right path. If you still need clarity on the situation, look to your past and life lessons to guide you."
...yes... i Love this... burn the self to Know the Self... die before you die (prophet muhammad s.a.w)...
...how do i rise up and embrace this Higher calling? by embracing the wound... by really letting it bleed... how?... through doing it different... for me this means being public with my challenges... by being transparent... by la illaha illa la-ing in doing this... Knowing there is only You... i Surrender to You... by sharing my hurt and challenges and trusting that things will work out... by taking this hurt... by putting it on the table... and approaching it different... in a way of the wold that gulps poison and transforms it to medicine...
...today i share my challenges with you... today.. in doing so... i also embrace that they are real and also a map for transformation... through Connect with my Higher calling...
...my challenges are not having a wife and kids and house and non-nuclear multi-family... is that i want to make this medicine man thing happen in a way that leads to thrive... and i believe i can... but feel lost... feel like i lose motivation... feel like i have to figure out the $ thing first instead of doing the work... what would be different is doing the Work... my Higher calling... this Calling is not to do the Work for only those who can afford it... nor for any specific group... but to all who need it... for my family members... for friends... by doing it... be directing my energy towards them... by asking for donations... but not being guided by who can or who can't or the money thing... but the importance of the Work as the Work of You... that i Am here to do... that the Work is more than about me and doesn't get done by me sitting in cafes and just writing about it... but by sharing my process with you... as in this course... and by going with that deeper Knowledge that if money were not a factor... then i would be facilitating this ancient knowledge, supporting those who Know to be the teachers that they Are... and build the ashram community that Connects us towards our lineage -the Cosmos... courses a
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