...day 16... ramadhan 2021...

 ...in the name of the Most High... the Healer (al Jabbar)... the Essence (al Ikram)... the Source of Peace (al Salam)... the Opener (al Fatah)... the Forgiver (al Ghaffar)... the Eternal Flame (al Qanhar)... the Blesser (al Wahab)... the Vast (al Mutakabir)... the Shaper (al Mussawir)... 

...i learned from a talk on islam from shaykh hamza yusef that when asked to recall things about someone in your life... you are most likely to recall their generosity, their anger... their humor, their warmth, etc... it is the traits we remember... the 99 names of ALLAH are the Divine traits that place us at once in a place of remembrance ot ALLAH's eternality... blessings... and situates us in gratitude but also through repetition fo these words keeps us in a space of aspiration to be kinder, to be more generous, more peaceful, more compassionate.. inshALLAH...

...day 16 saw me wake up well into the late morning... close to the afternoon... didn't fall asleep till after fajr... and not because i was up praying... i was tossing and turning after transferring some scented oil i arranged... this kept me up till 2am... after fajr the sleep was like stepping into my parents place... immediately home... immediately held... 

...finally transferred the coffee grinds to jars after ensuring there was no moisture left... or what i believe to be no moisture... drove to ridley and took a short walk where i paused lots and stare at weeds... a woman noticing me stare asked me if i was looking at the dutchman's breeches... what's that i asked... she pointed out these molar looking tiny flowers... it was nice... i didn't go far as it was hot and i was still in a daze from getting up so late and needing to go food shopping... it's interesting to witness the body during a fast food shopping... i had to keep reminding myself at whole foods and at the grocery store that i needed this or that... that it was hunger and exhaustion that was fantasizing on my behalf... 

...after coming home i made a couple of dishes - 3 - a broccoli dish with beets and coconut flakes - it was excellent... also made a mushroom and sun-dried tomato dish that was awesome... had this with an impossible burger for dinner.. and made some split pea soup... for the protein... noticed how my weights been dropping... so have to be more nutrient dense and less fiber dense in ramadhan...

...the box of bottles came in... transferred the oil into these bottles and probably lost at least a full bottles worth in the transferring process from dropping... need to put the larger oil bottle on top of a plate or bowl so i could make use of the oil when spillage occurs... it occurred that the scent of the massage oil may not match the sensibilities of a sanitized audience used to synthetic fragrance vs medicinal fragrance... 

...got 30 bottles of scents and body oils packaged... reached out to a graphic designer... hoping it works out for the logo design... looking like i need to let go of the web designer... he seems to have dementia and is lacking aesthetic skills...  

...prepped the coffee facials with the remaining ingredients for 30 small jars... just need to work on the smokes and getting the labels and box or bag it will all come in... 

...the reminder from ALLAH... stay in a place of Work... but keep the hereafter central... Know that your work should match with this frequency... 

...day 15... ramadhan 2021...

 

...bismillah... 

...day 15 saw me up late... reminding myself to Work... to do what i am avoiding - transferring the infused scent oil to the bottles... ensuring the dried grinds are free of moisture and ready for transfer... of considering the honey medicine and taking steps towards it... bu then from 2am - 5am i was mostly tossing and turning... could've been up in prayer... in a state of dhikr through asana practice...

...in the name of ALLAH... 

...dreamt... after fajr... after noticing the break of dark seep through the window and still being up... after laying down after... went into a series of dreams... dreams where i was surrounded by people and alone... where i was nearly stabbed and jumped... where i witnessed a friend off the deep end... 

...collected dandelion flowers... placed them in a jar and washed them... placed them on a mat to be dried...

...considered graphic designers on fiverr... felt sleazed on... wrong... unethical... as it was transactional... as it was giving into a new world order of transactions... of no relations... would rather do it myself or work withs someone i know...

...learned about islam's relation to zodiac... researched this after coming across a reverence in the Qur'an on the zodiac... as a sign... the anti-astrological fatwahs seem to stem from the speculative fortune/future telling aspect of modern horoscopes... but it seems like the stars and movement of planets is an essential part of tapping into ALLAH's signs... instead of being speculative and predictive... being humbled and reverential and looking at what these signs may mean to us...

...did a meet and greet at the apothecary nearby for people to connect with my work and for Connection... met a young man who has been going through a beautiful exploratory heath journey... it was a highlight - to Connect with him.. to be able to be in interface in a meaningful way... all pause is due... 

...day 14... ramadhan 2021...

 ...in the name of ALLAH... 

..."and serve your Lord, until there come unto you the Hour that is certain." 15:99 ... 

...there is a repetition of death... of the great return... of reconsidering arrogance that comes from attachment to the sensual by considering all previous generations - in one way or another they have perished... all do... alexander the great amongst them... as hamlet lamented in coming to grips with the ceiling of life... 

...to be more that an actor strutting upon the stage... i've been working to fulfill my obligations through fulfilling my obligations in Work... going into mujjahadar with the nafs of procrastination... of taking time for granted... of laziness... of fear of rejection... of fear that i don't know enough... whether i do or not is moot... given what i do Know - that ALLAH Knows best - that i am limited in my knowledge but to the best of my ability i believe this can help because... 

...so transferred the oil yesterday... a whole gallon transferred minus the 10 or so oz i lost in the transfer process... being aware of the moon... feeling its presence... full and enveloping me in an emotional landscape... 

...in fulfilling my obligations i am applying what i've learned that is honoring and sanctifying - soing one thing at a time... being fully present, so when i spoke to family last night... did nothing other than speak and listen... no scanning the web... no other screens open... no other to do's... 

...Work is a beautiful struggle... alhamdulillah....

...day 13 ramadhan 2021...

 

...bismillah hiRahman niRahim...

...in shahadah... bearing witness to this... moments... sand... drops of water that i tried to clutch... or never realized were streaming through y hands... that i would never get them again...

...refuted Guidance for the attraction of the rebels... of those who rebelled against their parents words ways... who didn't have parents and walked around looking for gold and fame... followed in the footsteps of the whisperer... the one who allures through cool... through swag that boldly claims godship looks for worship... idolized them... till i saw...

,,.it took a while... started turning my back at converts... away from the stage... looking at the moon and going into vinyasa... no god but God... the angels whispered... 

...good and evil... 

...comfort is an evil in my life... looking for safety... complacency... avoiding what needs doing... these are my shaiytans... 

...yesterday i continued to go head on in this mujjahadar with the nafs of complacency of devour... of food instead of work after iftar... 

...embraced the Work by not thinking about it... by doing it... transferring the oils from steeped to done... working on the intake... spending time in writing... reviewing the website with the designer... 

...what i've been noticing is the vast waste of time that occurs after i lay down and hours go by and i haven't yet fallen asleep... know that i could use this time to be in yoga... and prayer... this will be the mujjahadar of today...

...day 12... ramadhan 2021...

...in the name of ALLAH... yesterday was the first day in a while when i didn't goto the cafe to do some writing... i've been going ordering something and taking it after iftar... just so i could be out of the house... be in a vibrant environment... feel motivated to write... but i know i can kindle this wherever i am... it just feels to be in an environment fo creation and creativity...

...did a hike along ridley creek... parked half a mile away in a suburban street and hoped i didn't offend anyone's sensibilities as being an outside to their area... as i trekked to the park came across a lot of fiddleheads and garlic weed... at the park i reacquainted with the sycamore trees... the chestnut oak - brilliant both of them - the ash... the blue birch - the thin witch hazel - the cigar tree - others that i've been befriending;... the skunk cabbage had grown tremendously since a week ago and most of the trees had foliage that they didn't only a week ago... although it has been mild to cool recently... the season of spring will tell you what makes it spring - growth - we also see this growth in our bodies as we grow in mucus and histamine... 

...i was going to goto sit outside of wholefoods and do some writing but instead came home... cooked a really delicious meal that i thought of after iftar and suhoor in considering what to make for tonight... 

...what kept me from slipping into the terrestrial... int he mundane of momentary interactions... of keep myself adrift in my sense of woes and desires to be stimulated was dhikr... i reminded myself of taqwah - of ramadhan - and my tongue trained my mind through laillahaillala...

...this kept me focused on the revelations fo the month - that to fulfill obligations means to fully be face to face wit them - to approach them with honesty instead of rationalizing ways out - to see your Work through completion even when you would rather not fight... go to mujjahadir with your nafs - laziness, procrastination, fear of audience response, rejection, complacency, easy ways out - recall the words of rumi - speak and work for an audience of One... inshALLAH... 

...day 11... ramdhan 2021...

 

...in the name of ALLAH.... 

...i almost wrote 2012 instead of 2021... it happens this way... that i forget time... i don't realize i'm going through it as rapidly as i am and numbers seem dissolute... but then memories bubble and i am in awe... that was 9 years ago... when i left my career... to go fully on my path as a writer yogi medicine man... it's been a long time coming... i can't say i've fully dedicated myself and my greatest moments have been a combination of seeking and getting Guidance and practice... in my writing i could benefit from continued Guidance... from being in a space of community with other writers... of getting insight in my shortcomings... where i am hitting walls... i would say that's applicable to my yoga practice and medicine manning... but less so... through practice these areas have grown and continue to grow... and yet i can still use Guidance... ALLAH Knows best...

...yesterday i was able to get the grounds from t for the medicine projects... have been drying them out... will be outing together the other ingredients for the mixture to ensure a Connection... a resolve... a transformation... inshALLAH...

...i made a sample of the scent - actually - i didn't make anything - i put together/mixed scents that others labored in extracting from ALLAH's Nature... and something beautiful came together... a healing scent for summer not just for others to engage and be allured to You... but for your cleansing... as per prescriptions of the ancients... all praise is due...

...i also arranged the ingredients for the oil for taurus season... powdered and alchemized them as per prescriptions... and set them up to be mixed with the carrier oil which i incorporated this morning... and in my haste dropped a glass that shattered in a hundred pieces... taking up part of my morning to clean... which was a Gift as it required to be aware of space... of how medicine making is a Divine process that requires pause and a clear clean space... vs the cluttered space i was working out of... 

...the daily reading of the Qur'an has been immensely growing... has brought me into a space of Work... of fighting for ALLAH's cause... and not for my name and work... to Work and engage in yoga not to impress others but to grow deeper in this Gift and share the learnings with others - this is what ALLAH taught me... on the mat... when i fought when i didn't want to fight... when i stayed constant... when i humbled myself... to do this in the medicines i share with you - that these are Gifts from ALLAH - that ALLAH reminds us to look at the canopy of stars... to pause and reflect... to mark time and space through the seasons and planets and cosmos... and this is where this comes from... this what inspired this... 

...all praise is due...

...day 10 ramadhan 2021...

...my tongue fell wet with remembrance... as i let go of the sounds tastes and aesthetic people around me... today i am reminded by shyakh hamza yusef of the importance of beauty... of radiating from the inside... that we are the people of Adam... our origin is Light and that this Light should emanate from our heart into our adornments of humble and beautiful clothes in Alignment with the Cause of ALLAH - to fall humble in awe to the Cosmos - to that which is beyond control...

...i see the struggle of my relation to product coming to a fore... in many ways it was in the battleground with shaytan in which i was attempting to know it all... to know nutrition and all the foods in the world and all the herbs in the world and all the yoga poses in the world... and and and... ultimately digging agrve of the time i've been Gifted by wasting it on trying to know... instead of Knowing that ALLAH Knows... and that it is for me to share what little i know... to put it to use in the cause of ALLAH... 

...the medicine kits are not about me and my skills and the branding but about being in Awe... of being in a state of Reverence fro the Creation... it is about Aligning with the One... through celebrating where we are in time and space... of adorning ourselves from the inside out with scent and herbs and facials and smoke and elixirs and caring for this Gift with oils... 

...put together the scents for each of the 12 seasons... general ones... with head heart and base notes... will mix them today... to draw Closer to Angels of this season... got the 80 proof for the oils... when they didn't have the higher content i was seeking and instead of putting off... which would be easy... i got it... and pulled some herbs to arrange and dust for the oils... sent the web designer some concepts to work with for the site in consideration of these kits...  worked on my writing for an hour 45... stayed in a practice of continuous in my vinyasa instead of too many stops... instead of trudging through... stayed in a practice of Truth/honesty... asking myself am i telling the Truth... how am i lying?... 

...growing Closer with surahs and Qur'an and am understanding the importance of reading this sacred text... untangling this question of fulfilling my duties of family/marriage/etc - by learning what my duties are from the Recitation and the practice - fighting (Working) in the Cause of ALLAH - to connect with and connect others with reverence for ALLAH... through the Creation - nature, beings, seen and unseen... to give and be generous and not hoard... to pray... to be righteous... to ask at every juncture am i lying? how is this in the Cause of ALLAH?... 

...day 9... ramadhan 2021...

 

...in the name of ALLAh... on wednesday... day 9... i cried... it was the first time in a while that i didn't spend time too much time outside... other than a walk... i kept the teaching from the Qur'an close to me - fight, even though you may not want to... fight in the cause of ALLAH... 

...the cause of ALLAH is defined over and over as doing good deeds... helping others... being kind... fighting oppression... being humble and praying... being honest more than at face value but internally as ALLAH knows what your heart is saying... 

...i find this Truth in my yoga practice... where i am lying to myself of doing a pose or vinyasa when i rush through it... to get it over with... or delay going there through doing other less uncomfortable asanas... staying in a place of comfort...

...ALLAH reminds us through fasting... through the Gift of challenge that the greater the challenge/difficulty... the greater the opportunity for sweetness/reward... i imagine most people have experienced as this... i know i have... when i get through something difficult that takes work... focus dedication... the greater the battle the sweeter the victory indeed...

...so with that in mind i focused on getting the jars/bottles i need for the medicine kits... knowing and feeling affirmed in the Knowing as i write this... that these medicine kits is to facilitate exposure to taqwah - God-consciousness - instead of a competition with other herbalists and medicine people... 

...for me i see my Work as ALLAH is revealing - to get past my laziness... my lack of Work ethic... and instead put fort the Work i was Gifted through all those who made sacrifices for me to learn... to gain knowledge... to know how to make medicine to give medicine... to move as medicine... to fight my perfectionism including my environmental consciousness as an excuse to not do... including not having the perfect images and design for the medicine - and instead get it to others as they need it - not because what i made is great but because it can expose them to growing more Connected with You... taking myself out of the equation... inshALLAH... 

...a major lesson indeed... all praise is due to Al Fatah (the Opener)... to Al Sami (the all seeing)... al Basir (the all Knowing)... to al Gaffar (the Forgiver)... as i tap into al Qaffar (the Eternal Flame)... inshALLAH... 

....day 8... ramadhan 2021...

 

...maulana muhammad mustafa sallalahu wallahi wasalama... peace and blessings on him... his family... his descendants and antecedents and all of us in his ummah who benefit so immensely from these ancient teachings that keep us aligned with time... with space... with the intersection of our earth in relaiton to the sun and moon and celestial spheres as we bow down accordingly... 

...i don't... i mean i'm working on it... i usually do fajr when i wake up... which has been late of late... without the structure of a job it becomes easy to fall into a rhythm that lacks urgency... 

...in the reading of the Recitation... i am learning to listen for answers to my questions - how do i fulfill my duty as a human... as a man...?... and ALLAH makes it clear - to be humble... to engage in these practices that will teach you humility -fasting, bowing down in prayer... giving of your income... doing good deeds... avoiding the limelight... Service and doing this in Quiet... 

...by fulfilling my obligations i am fulfilling my Purpose - completing what i start because others can benefit... doing this even if i don't feel like it because i am obliged to fight... and in going into the battlefield fo dunya of fighting my laziness and complacency... and avoidance... i am met with growth... with Qudus - a purification - boundaries - i can only speak to you if you would like to talk Spirituality... of setting these boundaries with Work... of seeing it through... of avoiding avoidance and putting off... of doing it even when i don't feel like it... of sharing the fruits of my labor with others... and in turn will come the community... through these interactions of sharing... in turn will come the village and family and asecnsion to You... of ammu ammu ammu... abbu... 

...ali ali ali... 

...ya Mutakabir... ever expanding... ever vast... 

...day 7... ramadhan 2021...

 

...in the name of ALLAH... subhanALLAH... i just learned what it means to show anger or outrage or disapproval without being angry or feeling an emotional attachment to this... i learned this from the late guru goenka-ji who discusses this during one of his talks on vipassana - the ancient roots teachings of siddhartha gautama buddha... 

...goenk-ji talks about his own teacher who showed him how to raise his voice or display anger without being angry at the monastery that he served in... to students who were disrespectful to others... 

...i expressed disapproval right now at a person i'm working with on the website and podcast... he told me he had it up last week and i took him at his word... even though there were several instances up to that point that were in contradiction to what he would say... when i checked the url moments ago... there was no site... when i asked him... he asked me to send him the link to the site i created... i reminded him that i sent it to him twice in the past 3 weeks... that i wasn't going to send it to him again... he would have to find it... although i didn't raise my voice... nor am i angry... i expressed disapproval... and this seemed to convey a gravity that was absent before... 

...on day 7 i learned how lying isn't just something that happens with the mouth... of course i know/knew this... but it was something that i decided to flag as a point of transformation... a deep seated toxicity that i needed to work on... i found this to echo in my yoga practice today when i witnessed how quickly i moved from one pose to another... for the sheer purpose of avoiding the discomfort of that pose...

...lying is something that is a seed of intention... it occurs inside and while you can fast with your tongue... if that seed is allowed to grow... it will find hands and feet and limbs to give it breath... it will find ways to manipulate talk to silence to omit what is true... 

...part of lying for me is also embedded in placing power in others... power that is undeserving... not that they are undeserving... but the kind of power i attribute to them from a place of fear and rejection... 

...by staying in a state of laillahaillala... the lying caa be transformed... i can pause before a moment of untruth... if it so rises and ask am i being Truthful?... and then going into laillahaillala and face the music... as it will only Harmonize me with the Music... inshALLAH... 

...ramadhan... day 5/6... 2021...

 

...in the name of ALLAH... Rahman (Compassion), Rahim (Mercy), Malek (Holder), Qudus (Purifier), Salam (Peace), Muimin (Faith), Muhaimin (Incorruptible), Aziz (Self-worth), Jabar (Healer), Mutakabir (Expanding), Khaliq (Creative), Bari (Unique), Mussawir (Shaper)... 

...days 5 and 6 saw the organ of mind more challenged... 

...the fast has grown beyond the belly - the hunger in many ways is a blessing - humbling... but as i follow the Guidance i have attempted to grow deeper in Quietude... in saying less... in being more Purposeful with my language and time - reading Qur'an... as prescribed - 30 juz... one per each day... taraweeh prayers... but as i am in a non-muslim environment... and i do seek the company of Seekers... i met with a couple in the backyard of their home in the city... it was nice but i found myself in conversation of matters that were less than important to me... meaning i've grown more interested in deepening Spirituality and less interested in discussing other matters... and then as i came home... to where i am staying... i found myself feeling like i needed to explain where i was and why... although i would've rather stayed Quiet... found myself having to engage in conversation that was less than honest... meaning i was feeling the need to explain and also angle it so that my roommate was accepting of me seeking community... instead i could've said nothing... from a place of Quiet... instead  could've went to the philadelphia masjid... instead i could've mostly stayed Quiet during my iftar with the non-mulsim couple... 

...i've been finding myself longing for the company of others fasting... going through the depths of this month... who are also in a struggle to transform themselves.... to Reach ALLAH-Consciousness as this month makes available... 

...on day 6... i recorded an interview with a sufi from india... and as i alerted my roommate of this the night before and he said he would stay clear for those 2 hours... and as he didn't... and decided to cook... i found myself getting annoyed... it affected my presence in the interview and my ability to focus... instead i could've paused the interview and checked in with my roommate... and asked him how long he would be... or i could've checked in with him after... i found myself growing more and more annoyed with him throughout the day... as i attended a social event... partially out of pressure from him... and although i decided to enjoy it... i started seeing his dominating personality as an affront... i found myself annoyed as i was cooking yesterday evening for ramadhan and thinking how i needed to cook for him as well... even though he doesn't fast... as i may have created an expectation from cooking most of the time... but through Witness consciousness i also noted my own collusion in these matters... i also recognized the Gift ALLAH has granted me to grow deeper in my wounds... what i find challenging or problematic... 

....in the name of ALLAH... as i listen to lectures from scholars and those who Know about this path of Surrender in this path... i am finding depth in my own spiritual journey with my ego... my sense of expectation... my disappointments... my fears and lack of transparencies and in turn my making idols out of those who are unworthy of fear... and of course the fear only speaks to how i perceive this flesh and my limited understanding of existence... in going beyond through the Divine names... through prayer... through the fast of more than the belly - the tongue and the eyes and the ears... and by fulfilling Work obligations... i am learning... inshALLAH...

...ramadhan 2021... day 4...

 

...in the name of ALLAH... the Most Compassionate... Merciful... have mercy... have mercy on me if i have wronged you hurt you... said words that kept you up... engaged in action that boiled your blood... unless of course... if they came from ALLAH... bowing down mid-day is a decree that comes from ALLAH and it may make your blood boil to see me pray... to know that i went to the other room to prostrate to ALLAH when there's a meeting... when i should be on the zoom call... that is is a big deal... ALLAH is a bigger deal... this is temporary... this is to forward your business dealings... it is not building a house that is blessed for those who seek Guidance in Aligning with our Sacred earth... it is for you to make a pitch for your music and product and book... no book agent is my god... no musician... no employer... no principal... no consultancy... no client... unless they are riddled with bullets or vaccines... 

...on day 4 i grew deeper in some ways and sunk in others... woke up late... sure i went to bed late but this also pushed back the rest of my day... on day 4 i kept my words to a minimum... i avoided conversation that was less than High... yet i had conversations in my head about being irked with some of the people i am around and their foul mouth and their inconsideration.. and found avoding came not from God-consciousness but from disdain...repulsion... a definite difference... from a place of Taqwah i would draw a line with humility... with Compassion (Rahman)... Mercy (Rahim)... Embrace (Malek)... Purity (Qudus)... Peace (Salam)...  Faith (Muimin)... Incorruptibility (Muhaimin)... Freedom (Aziza) ...Healing (Jabbar)... Boundlessness (Mutakabir).... 

...i was a bit annoyed by having to cook on the whim for this person on the fly... when i could've drawn the boundary... when it was me who failed to respond with no, i will have to pass... this built on my driving to shop for food and miss the drive through iftar at a nearby mosque... annoyed at them for announcing that it would 6-7 when i got there at 6:30 and it had long been over... but again... it was me... by failing to draw a boundary about cooking i was now unable to just enjoy being around the mosque... of saying alhamdullilah for the people who were able to get food... and for the reminder from ALLAH to refrain from senses and feed the Soul... 

...things shifted after getting home... cooking for everyone and then cooking a meal for me to have by myself.. alone in the other house... and praying asr and maghrib in solitude... reading Qur'an in between... this tuned me back in... spent the rest of the night listening to recitation... praying... reading literature related to the path of Surrender.. all praise is due... 

...day 3 ramadhan... 4.15.21...

 

...in the name of ALLAH... the Most Compassionate (Rahman), the Most Merciful (Rahim), the Holder of ALL (Malek), the Purifier (Qudus), the Source of Peace (Salaam), the Source of Faith/Trust (Mumin), the Incorruptible/Pure (Muahaimin)... 

...day 3 has led me in a state of humility... in taking much of the prescriptions of rahmadhan as recommended... without mixing and matching... as i tend to do in my day to day with my feet and hands holding the traditions of vedas... the gospel... the torah... the tipitaka... yoga sutras...  

...as per the recommendation of the guru goenka-ji of the buddhist faith... i am focusing solely on ramadhan this month... beyond just the no food and water... making the intention to fast every night before going to bed... bowing down 5 times a day... sharing the food i make with those around me... even when i find my ego saying - they're not fasting and here i am cooking for them... reading Qur'an... listening to Qur'an... reading islamic texts - the 99 names of ALLAH... juz 30... the medicine of the prophet... listening to lectures from humble scholars like sheikh hamza yusef...   reciting dhikr after maghrib... saying less... 

...some of what i'm noticing is growing deeper in Quietude... in realizing greater depths made available this month of fasting... for instance fasting from news... although i barely listen or watch or read new... i do listen to headlines from democracy now daily and when in the car listen to npr... but have put these aside... i have also put off social media... i'm really only on i.g... and although i don't post often... i do review it often... what else do i find comfortable... that i relish in... that is not growing me... that i can give up/fast fromt his month... what would i like to grow into... metamorphosize.... that i can do more of daily?... these are some fo the questions that i am sitting with...

...one huge takeaway from al baqarah this time around was the state of taqwah... of being beyond expectation from ALLAH to fulfill your sense of respect/fulfillment... as ALLAH provides hardship for you to grow deeper in consciousness to grow aware that this is not it... this is jsut a short part of it... hence inna illahe wa inna illahe rajun - from ALLAH we emerge to ALLAH we return... 

...another takeaway from this surah is the need to fight... even though you'd rather avoid it... to fight because it is your duty... this makes me think of the Work i have before me and to fight my alshia (laziness- as my ammu would say) to Actualize this... 

...a revelation i had is that as the Qur'an tells us the sun appears to rise in the east and settle in the west... as it is the earth afterall that is spinning that makes this appearance... and the sun appearing to rise in the east is because we are spinning from right to left.... which may be why the writing of the Qur'an is from right to left... 

...4.14.21... day 2 of ramadhan...

 

...day 2 of ramadhan... in the name of ALLAH the Most Compassionate... the Most Merciful... i bear witness that this body is mortal... whithering... weak... resilient... limited and vast... 

...the spiritual retreat of ramadhan began without sneakiness... without schemes and rationalizations to drink liquids or to innovate amendments that make sense to me... my mind was in Surrender... in acceptance...  a new phenomenon after all these years of resistance... 

...age will humble you... time will... your rebelliousness gets replaced by the generations before you... the ones who speak in tongues that you may have way back when... who challenge and deny... who inspire and electrify... their sheen is beautiful and you realize your own body is in a capsule that is marked with time... even if others don't see it readily... you are aware... even if others think you are their youthful age... you are aware of the time you have on them... the things you've witnessed experienced... even if you've been sedentary on a couch before a screen... time will teach you lessons that a kid who is 17 and has seen murders and sex more times than an average movie... time will still teach you...

...there is a return occurring... we are on our Way back... it's soon... in the name of ALLAH...

...had a kale beet leaf banana smoothie with coconut oil... a red cabbage and carrots and onions dish, and a date for iftar... 

the battle with distraction... 4.12.21...

 ...away fro distraction.... the babylon culture will convince us we need things that are wants... that are false wants... clothes... jeans and shirts... sneakers and shoes... gadgets... the newest iphone and ipad... we are a people prostrate to wants... wants that make us nauseous after we obtain them... 

...these distractions bleed into jobs... work that is unnecessary... that is painted as essential... that is portrayed as professional and beneficial... we see this with nutritionists and doctors... teachers and lawyers... why do we as ancient-wisdom cultures (whatever your b.g)... need a nutritionist to tell us how to eat?... to tell us what foods not to have?... we've been eating well for millennia... diets in alignment with ALLAH...

...ramadhan represents this in a way that nutritionists of babylon now may recommend - intermittent fasting... but will divorce the spirituality of it... the prayer... the giving... the humility... 

...in the name of ALLAH... forgive... let go... when you hold onto a grudge a wrong you feel done to you... you make that person an idol... you give them power over you... don't not be a nutritionist out of disdain for the babylon of it... but for the love of Truth and Path and Nature...

...this is a month to unplug from distraction... from anger and hate... from jealousy and hurt... even being hurt keeps you in a state of idolizing... 

...in the name of ALLAH... 

...preparing for Guidance... 4.11.21...

 

...this ramadhan... the womb... how will it be different?... does it need to be?... what is the Purpose?... 

...the miracle of the prophet is that he was a Noor - a Light to the world - at once a spiritual leader... a commoner... a revolutionary actively engaged in the fight for social justice... and a warrior... one who preached less and did more... his life was in his deeds... he didn't provide divine lessons for living that were outside the domain of his minute to minute... 

...on instagram on social media... in entrepreneurship we get to be a representative of something we may not be... we get to highlight our excellence... but what about the closed doors... it is for this reason that there is so much shock around political figures (not leaders) whose dirt comes out... they present one image and then harvey weinstein behind closed doors...

...the life that the prophet led was in plain sight... nothing hidden... he lived in a village... sharing... cooperative... he shared meals with others not just in hospitality but as a matter of culture,.. this is how we do things... the sharing was so deep that when he congregated for a meal with his companions they ate from the same plate... for a modern babylonian this may seem un-hygienic but for those who know about immunity... about health. about preventive medicine... sharing bacteria grows your immune repsonse...builds up your microbiome and gut health... etc...

...there are many lessons to be learned from the prophet of the path of Surrender to the Source of Peace (islam)... this ramadhan i invite you to explore the exemplar with me... and what it means to take Guidance from this example... inshALLAH... 

...reConnect with the umbilical cord... 4.10.21...

 ...percussion is our hearts... we hear it in indigenous music from the world... the heart... Soul... the Connection between the atman and Brahma... jiva and Ishwara... 

...it is what keeps us reminded of the umbilical cord we thought we cut off... it's always there... Always... n 18 wheeler driving through people peacefully protesting... no israeli mass murdering soldiers... no amount of big pharma... no right wing militias in india or saudi arabia or the u.s. can mow it down... 

...we Are forEver Connected and it's in the severance that we suffer... it is what leads to the suffering that the prophet gautama buddha Realized... that the self-Realized prophet jesus declared when he told us to focus more on the building of the houses in heaven... 

...heaven is your actions... that stem from your mangentic field... the heart zone... if it is ethnocentric, steeped in me and my... in my people versus... if it is enraged... it will keep you severed...

...shhh... reConnect with the umbilical cord...  

...embrace the Nothing... 4.9.21...

 

...let go of control... got lost in the Surrender... hands up... walked with my head down and heart High... nothing to lose... nothing to hide from you... no lies between us... even when you ask... just me... boundaries are not lines but Laws... the stars in circumambulation... 

...in the name of ALLAH i fall in humble... grow into long days... yugas... 1 kalpa... a day in brahma...

...Being is Light... is fearless... is welcoming discomfort... to grow deeper... to grow deeper in the repetition of embracing fears and discomfort... to release the idolizing.... the idol-dom... 

...on this pre-Ramadhan jumma blessings... Love to You... as you prepare your reincarnation in the spiral of big bangs and universes over and over and over... never the same... what will you manifest in this chyralis... ?... 

...what's normal keeps you up at night... 4.8.21...

 

...all that we fall for are done in the blink of an eye... like a camel through the eye of a needle as seen from the eye of a storm... a blizzard of movement... guerrillas in yoga... a namaskar to revolution for better days for a better world prostrate to sacrifice... faceless men and women who fought not to colonize... not to settle on... but for you and me to be in a better place... to be in a space of sharing... 

...are you sharing...?... are you going past what is acceptable and unfair... what is normal and violent?... we've grown so deep in our individualism that you wouldn't know that right now there are afghansitan was being shelled, that yemen has been in the worst humanitarian crisis in modern times... that the congo was facing a human catastrophe from the ongoing civil war.... that uighers in china were being whipped till religion was lashed out of them... that there are tens of thousands rotting in u.s. prisons... that there are tens of thousands who on a street level murdering others, stealing, robbing, assaulting their families and terrorizing their neighbors - engaged in violent actions with impunity, with almost a sympathy for being victims and celebrated in music and media... what about programs to help...?... how deep is it that we can pretend if we are not directly in front of it that its not happening... and in fact support the pillars that hold up prisons and guns and music and music videos that condone these ways... a culture...

...it's a culture of destruction and yet... manicured days and nights that leave you sleepless as ALLAH is Ikram -the Essence of all... creeping into your and mine nights keeping us from sleeping... 

...its a blessing... to wake up from our zombie walk and do something... 

...stay empty... 4.7.21...

 

...count the radrakshas... 108 tiems... because i don't know... i have no clue... it's auspicious... it pairs with the asana and veganism... the sanctity of all things... and i really don't know... maybe you do...

...i then lean into 99... the beads of the prophet... take his Guidance because i admit... i don't have a clue how any of this works... just going through it... try to understand... and keep coming empty...

...i hear empty is the plce to be... it is here rivers flow through... it is where the ancient fossil become flesh and reveal the codon of the cosmos... i don't know... 

...fast... ramadhan... mantra... asana... spend time in Your nature... but am missing key things... missing this season of life... somehow missed aligning... was so caught in resisting... in attempting to do and be nothing... and in turn did nothing... 

...bow down and ask for forgiveness of wasting this precious Gift... and when the guillotine hasn't collapsed... give thanks for another moment to get it right... to Serve... 

...do something with what you Know... 4.6.21...

 ...in the name of ALLAH... asana's are positions of meditation.... the asana is an opportunity to grow deeper in your Witness consciousness... you witnessing the body in pain, in discomfort... in relaxation... 

...Witness... what have you witnessed about yourself this past day week year years... what patterns does this bod and ind have?... how are they helping/hurting the cause of the organism reaching Highest Self?... 

...for me it is having been derailed by the babylon train... of being drawn to the glitter of rockers and rappers talking and showcasing their nonchalance, their promiscuity, their cool... it became an idol... and i a worshipper.... eschewing int he process life duties - marriage... family... Service... 

...you Know... you know when you are lying... being deceitful to yourself... making excuses in your practice to do this pose and not this one.... to avoid this sequence and stay in this one pose... you know when you could be creating... being of service and instead take the easy route... which ultimately hurts you... as it is Rewarding to Serve to Create... Al Khalik... 

...you Know when you are being lied to... witness it without argument knowing the one who is lying to you knows they are lying... let them deal with their lie... Quietness is the surest Way...

...you Know... do something with it... time in these bodies is finite... 

...this moment... of time... 4.5.21...

...in the name of the Most High... we are in you... like drops in an ocean... but you are not in us... as the ocean is the body... as krsna tells arjuna... but perhaps the translation mis-conveys the message here... that it is the paradox of Being... where we are part of the Essence... belonging to that which is Always and the Essence is also a part of us... but unconstrained by our limited being...

...i feel the dust of those who passed... who lived... who as my dad told me have echoes that are still present as sound never leaves... in fact.. it becomes flesh... and i wonder how trippy this is... that life has been around... trillions upon trillions... beyond count... and here we are... in our brief moment on the stage...

...you could've been born 120 200 700 2100 5000 12000 120000 years ago... but for whatever reasons you and i are on this planet together now... for our brief 20-100 years... you might be at the beginning or end of it... somewhere in the middle... but we are here together... something about that... about this nexus...

...nothing more... humbled... again... and again...

 

 

...devote it all... 4.4.21...

 ...easter sunday... the period commemorating the fertility goddess aestara of the saxon peoples... to embrace this transition into  spring... into the vernal equinox... a time fertile for planting... as represented by the easter egg and the hare... 

...a passover commemorating the exodus of the judaic peoples from the clutches of pharoah's extreme oppression... a commitment to justice as a result... awakening in the believer...

...a day marking the seal of the christian faith... the crucifixion and resurrection... the fundamental aspects of belief essential to the christain faith... 

...total and absolute devotion to me will ensure that you are lucid, as krsna tells arjuna none who devote themselves to me are lost... 

...i am lost... more often than found... devotion appeals... more than from a place of faith or a hack... but it makes sense intuitively... to fully devote... 

...this is devoted to You... as such... i hope to enhance the beautiful 

...devote yourself... 4.3.21...

 

...discomfort... what gives you discomfort?... what in the Way of your path gives you discomfort...?... these are the discomforts to embrace to pursue... to Work to overcome... to see where they take you as you stay int he question....

...the question is complete dedication... devotion... krsna says that no one who devotes themselves to him will ever be lost... what does it mean to devote yourself to something to a path... to your path?... completely... from the place of devotion... devotion to the One... to the Higher.. so that it's not even about you.... and in doing so... you can' fail... you won't be lost...

...for me it is to stay int eh question... to constantly ask - what does it mean to be fully devoted as i pursue my craft...  of course the Work is of being of service of helping of growing.. nourishing so thee then serve as your criteria... things to ruminate on as you work intrinsically and not from a checklist... so these question are unnecessary.. os the cleansed detoxed you in Devotion emanates this... 

...Surrender to the Message... 4.1.21...

 

...it is your expectations that are causing you hurt... hope... now that's different...

...hope for the best... for dreams... for love... for peace... for kindness... engage with others from this denominator of Love... and when it lacks reciporcation... when it is met with ice and negation and abuse... Love still and hope and the hop is then a part of the unconotional well of Love and not from the place of an expectation of fulfilling ego... 

...Love You... on this special day of You... special because it is friday... the passover is concluding... the safe passage from the grip of pharoahs oppression... the witness to miracle... to walking through the floor bed of a parted sea... all praise is due... on this day of jummah... of being in a body that you provide predicament and healing... humbling me when my arrogance grows... thank You...

...the lessons of this new bout of the healing journey is ALLAH Knows best in every situation... of herbs... "I AM the healing herbs" krsna tells arjuna... so that medicine itself is the body of Divinity... and through this krsna/christ-consciousness healing occurs... to work... Work... be diligent in the healing process even when your irritated by being mortal by falling ill by having do anything than watch flicks on netflix... that healing takes Work... including reducing screen time... talking time... it is a retreat to the Soul... to the wounded soul... to discover the barriers within yourself that you have created against Love... for me it has been my inactivity... my lack of adherence to aporigraha - one of the yamas that yogis live by - to be generous, to walk light... an in turn to own little... to share what you have instead of hoarding... i've been hoarding medicine and Knowledge... to keep the hurt and pain and frustration and depression and fatigue and sleeplessness of dis ease in mind when working with others experiencing pain... deep compassion... deep Love... deep peace... 

...some takeaways towards healing... Work with the attributes (99names)/gunas in addressing the qualities of the ailment... meditation... rest... slowing down... hydration with proper attribute (i.e. warm/hot teas)... treatments to balance the attributes (i.e. steam to break hard soil)... prayer - prostration - acknowledging that you have no clue... humbling... and then asking for Guidance and Help... breathing deep fresh air... 

...in the name of ALLAH the Most Compassionate... the Most Merciful...  

...no degrees necessary... 4.1.21...

 

....the medicine man in the path of Surrender (islam) will tell you to increase Love in your relations... to seek forgiveness... to do good deeds... to walk light... accumulate little and give lots... 

...then you may ask them about your health issue... the migraines... how its been happening for 20 years... the medicine man will use the above as a basis for questions - what are all the barriers within you that is keeping you from Love?...that has kept you?... this is what's keeping you from deep full breaths... this is what's causing obstructions in your vessels... that is causing pain... 

...you may wonder if diet and lifestyle are a part of it... of course, the medicine man will say... but diet and lifestyle are outcomes of Love... of where you fall in relation to it... but what if i was abused/violated/traumatized... have you let that experience keep you from Loving?... the medicine man will ask...

...and of course... in the traditional way... which the majority of teh worlds village women embody... the medicine is in the food, the village, the culture of the sacred...

...without a degree... without ever stepping into a school... you can know to eat right/well, plant foods and medicines... use them to help you and others... you can know the essentiality of being in togetherness... in community... in being interdependent... in bowing your head down and without a word... dissipating...