...saturday saw in me a focus on consistency... on Work... on getting lost in the work... at points an uphill battle with nafs... with alshia,... with i'd rather goto the cafe and chill... instead i practiced asana from 12:30 to 3:15... a weak practice and emotionally unsettling... bringing me face to face with laziness with existential crisis - why am i doing this?... with witnessing me staying in easy poses for long stretches and avoiding vinyasa... avoiding work... counting minutes... and then it was over and upon reflection i could've gone so much much much deeper and wasted time... the Gift... then warmed up some food at 3:20am and ate... after some dental hygiene sat in my room and read Qur'an till it was time for fajr... prayed and went to bed at 4:45am... woke at 10:30ish and immediately put myself into the areas of avoidance - what am i avoiding? laundry... packing... making a pot of kitchori for d... cleaning... organizing... being discerning in what to take and what to leave behind.. clearing me from paths in both houses so that i am a minimal presence... and filling the tires with air...
...at 4:45pm i left the gas station to head for the city... and arrived hours in... at 8:30pm... walking up and down stairs... still with an unbroken fast... brining my things up as i had the vantage of being parked in front of the building and also taking the opportunity to move after being scrunched in the drivers seat for hours...
...found the Lights of my Life at the dinner table after iftar... exchanged love and unpacked... organized... showered... and sat down... a common pattern in my adult life... moving back and forth and falling into a rhythm of unpacking and organizing first which allows me to feel at home... anchored... before i could eat or drink...
...it was nice... a blessing... to fall into prayer... after doing asr and maghrib in a state of movement through traffic in the car... recalling the verse in the Qur'an about praying while traveling in a space of unbelievers...
...it was everything to fall into the embrace of my parents and brother's arms... all praise is due... in a space of believers of the heart... subhanALLAH...
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