...in the name and breath and breadth of the One... You see this... my words ... the thoughts that concurrently collide and deceive one antoehr as they seek to take shape to com
e out right to hide to replace to appear... words with clothes... wolves... sheeps... none of the aboves... i am none of the aboves... human... just a being.. a spirit being...
...i am realizing... through the talks of viapssana... the teachings of gautama... the teachings of Self... through salat and prayers... through Quiet moments without distraction... through dreams that reveal... that i am and have mostly been focuse on the external... and outside this church... and in being so have shaped words and language and deeds that may lign with something acceptable... and i think what i am learning... meaning really what i am learning is that i could benefit more form doing the opposite... just laying myself bare... this is who i am... this is what i am going through... this is who my mother father brothers are in color wight height birth ecomnics ...
... instead of concocting constructing imagery... a doll house... this is me falling again... my throat was hurting... i couldn't sleep... i wondered if you would text me... i got tired of waiting... part of me didn't care... part of me feels indifferent sometimes... part of me feels none of this will ever work... part of me has given up... part of me believes... when i was hanging with steph i was mostly thinking about you and wanting to be with you... when i hang out and i am not creating... being creative... cooking, walking, philosophizing, moving... i feel like i am wasting my time and would rather be in my asana practice or writing or cooking by myself cause all of this involves a creative process like these words that flicker like electrons that flick and fling and make me wonder about your flings and makes me wonder if... doubt and the one thing that has been deeply successful about us is me not doubting You for a second... Trusting fully in Love and giving without expectation of return without a hope in reciprocity... and benefitting immediately... it is the action of meditation that does this... taking action and letting the action the positive action seed and replicate instead of the negative, the tamasic, the rajasic... the one that festers doubt, anger, jealousy, lies....
...this morning i don't need to tell anyone about my yoga practice or going to edges with certain poses and falling and messing up and getting messy... i know... i don't have to tell anyone about listening to my own advice of Connecting with Sprit and moving... and how good this felt... and how at times i'd want to stop not because i was wounded or winded but because i wanted to stop out of laziness out of a mind that sits like a virus and tries to take host of the me... and i would go back... this morning i checked my phone for messages and remembered the words of goenka - to pay attention to sensation with equanimity...
...in moving forward i talk about and presence me as i am... and listen to you for You... i no longer share myself for appearances... for what i think you would like... but staying Connected with You through being in a state of sensation and equanimity at every moment through ujjayi breath and nodding... doing what the Lover would do... being fully in every moment... in the name of ALLAH...
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