...7 months into 2018...
...what were your intentions what di d you set forth when the ball was dropping, when the calendar ticked...? when the earth completed it's cyle a week prior? where were you? where are you now?...
...i was in ithaca... involved in transition... in leaving... in prepping for india... in saying goodbye to queen... to emperor for the moment... he cried... told me that it would be big... that i would be brining back revelation...
...bangladesh left me coughing... in a fit with my sense of culture, of home, of place... it brought me closer to banyans, and coconuts, and lungi's and flutes, and oral tradition, and poetry, and chai... and the ashrams in india... in rishikesh... in to the algebraics... it brought me into a space of Knowing...
...in india i saw myself... the constant need to not be home, the need to interact with the world through consumerism, through shopping, through vegetarianism... getting snacks... sweet potatoes, coconuts, dosas, chopping it up with the vendors...
...the great revelation in india was that i was addicted to be in the space of you and you and you, and needed You... needed You so desperately i walked... feeling divorced from you at home, in the space of closet, of closed, of isolation...
...and this revelation manifested in ramadhan... when i asked... how do i fall in Love with You?...
...ramadhan allows us to grow deeper in You, partially through getting Closer to Your Creation... through Connection... we break fast together... we humans Connect deeper through you individually through abstinence from senses, but then, we do this in community, and in community, in this shared struggle, we awakened into You, we grow Closer... and Surrender...
...i'll have to tell emperor, whose bday is today or tmmrw... i will have to tell him that this was the revelation... that this is the most important thing... and what i found was that in the modern world, which co-exists with the ancient in bangladesh and india, that this happens through the market place... through Connecting in the marketplace...
...in capitalism... in the world we are in... the way for me and You to connect, in a way that is facilitated, that allows for wu-wei - effortless effort - is through the marketplace ... and for me... the offering i have for you are herbs to help with your pain... some stories that can help you connect with these herbs...
...in my daily vinyasa... in asana practice... i am reaching my leg deeper down my back... i am rooting my right leg deeper into Your earth, so i can surrender into Your balance... into Your decree on destiny - part You, part me...
...i get it queen... it's part you and part me... and that the letting go is essential... that you are in every one... and i will find you regardless if we never see each other again... and it hurt... five months ago... two months after i returned... to face this Truth... you held it... already knew... wsidom that i've grown to accept but tremble in... cry each time... like i am now... letting go again... more than a transaction though...
... during that time... when my surrender was to you... i still kept You in my ritual... in my qibla... and when i put forth intentions, based on your signs - on the earth's completion... i said that i would embrace uncertainities for a certain period of time... that i would commit to these uncertainities... for a certain period... then re-evaluate... and i would do this in a space of collaboration - me working with you, in comversation with you... us working together...
...all praise is due... the revelation i have received from this intention is that collaboration... for the time being... like the hustling-hard in dhaka... happens through interface with the bazaar ... and to embrace the bizarre of it all as what it is... as it is...
...and as my b'earth, my mother's day of birthing me has passed a week ago... what came to mind... the intention in the space of reflection that occurred is that i should do one thing... do it different... and walk fully into the face of it...
...so at every juncture now... i ask myself... what am i afraid of?... i suppose i am afraid of you really reading this... i am afraid to publicize this and have no one read it... i am afraid that this means nothing for you... that you have too much on your plate... i am afraid that the friend i let go of today is needing to go at the moment... as i write this... i am afraid i won't figure it out... and i walk into the face of it... by naming it... by calling it what it is... by doing the work to actualize the question my dad asked that has become part of new Guidance: what did you do with your time on earth?...
...as i let go of queens and poets... i embrace You deeper... i go deeper in the Work... in the medicine...
all praise is due...
No comments:
Post a Comment