...of course it is a dream... all of it... albeit a long... although sometimes short... although it makes sense at times... although i have no clue really... do you?... how do some people know?... i don't... i know what seems right/wrong and the in between...
...pretending feels wrong... i am pretending right now because i am in a cafe without my context - my ammu, abbu, bhaiyas; my nanu nana dada dadu... my context is tribe... this is where i orginate from... i am because we are... i was the dirt of bengal... india... east paksitan... partition... lucknow... himalaya... i am of overcrowding/dedness... of a language that is spoken in similes... in proverbs... in teachings... rice and dhal and salam and namaskar... prayer and religion and masjids and temples... folk music, folk instruments... folk plays... farms, farmers, rice fields... humility... sleeping shortly after dusk and arising before dawn... discipline... arranged marriage... humble... soft... clear gender roles... clear division of labor... lots of kids... non nuclear... monogamous... generations overlapping...
...you don't see this... and it's impossible to show you through a shirt or cloth that is patterned... it is impossible when i move in the world in this way that is foreign to my Soul - as an individual... we buried our dead in community and raised each other in community... held each other to standards and would hold each other to it through whispers of people crossing lines... going beyond the community quorum... i didn't get this... wanted them/us to mind their business as their life and my life are separate... starting to get it...
...been starting to get it for a couple of decades now... and still... i barely rise... sometimes i do... standing in awe... when i bow down... walk and talk in Surrender...
...in the name of the Most...
...this is why Quietness... why Listening... why moving with Soul in all situations... why the namaste... and lowered eyes...
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