get it out

...roots rocking till i leave this body, leave this room after being glued to the sheets that crepe into a bed...till i am bowing down, recalling Surrender, recalling to Quiet...to lub dub...and then hands out, in beg, in a state of asking...and today, like many other days...i am asking for meaning...if what i say, more often than not, is that this is not real, and if we are all One, and part of the One-ness, and that if, as without, so within, and everything in the universe is in us and all in us is in the universe, and naturally, then, it follows that every one has a piece of us inside them, just as we have varying degrees of panchamahbootas in us, and yet, and still, why are we only attracted to some, and repelled by others, or less interested in many, or disinterested...?...why am i not with the people who make me laugh, and bring me joy, and even when they bring me pain, maintain accountability, stay tied...?...what would it mean to drop everything else and be around them, all the time...figure out work and subsistence in a way that only draws us closer...and i get that this might've been a dream of my folks, and that i didn't get it...till now...till the clock got imploded with whispers of the end being close...and if so many people, if so many of us, on a daily basis, have thoughts of considering an end to this, of hoping for a flatline, then why wouldn't that translate to working for what you believe in like your very life were dependent on it, meaning that doing this work of Purpose could leave you close to the end...?...and not only is it alright, but it is more than alright, because it will leave you working towards that which is most important in this journey - living a fearless life of Surrender to the One, by being a servant to the Creation - all beings - trees, rivers, people, marine life, land life, air life....work like it were the bus rushing at you, instead of crossing the street hoping the bus were coming at you...work...insert yourself...work...do it now...Quietly...and it happens in every interaction, every moment...the work...

...i am no one's boyfriend, and a friend to some...and a mystery to many, including myself...a work of jumbled writings that tell tales of a new york only known through the hybrdization of vedic mantra and rapid fire rappers intifada-ing with rikers close...rikers is always close...a stretch of land jutting into the east river from the park i stood in through decades, without proximity or love...so it's a love and loathing, a serenity and a despair that comes over me, when i hear the tales of friend groups, of deep forever connections, of reunions, of the cookouts...what is that like...how beautiful is that...how come i never had that?...

...unconditional love requires a surrender...a letting go in a trust...in working from within...with results that look similar to the babylon results...i learned this in writing...in seeing how-to books on writing and seeing how the babylon authors would employ and suggest employing multi-step processes that came to me through the path of ALLAH...the results looked similar...

...moving from Essence leaves me in a state of clarity, of lack of performance, of Peace, confidence, Love, Lover, Breath, Infinite, possibility...without pride or ego, or fear...in a state of all praise is due...of Connection, of Salat...dua for Salat...