...this guy asked me if i wanted to fight...said i was a b*&h n*&ga,,,looked at me, pulled his arm back...i looked at him as i walked past him, responded the way i do to offerings for other things that might assault my body - namely drugs...
...no, i'm good brother, i said...and kept walking...said this after watching his movement...after seeing how he was following the woman in front of me...of how he was walking after her after making comments that she tried to ignore, she pulled out her phone, the light of her phone blaring like red and blue flashes in the dark 8pm...
...f u bi&*h he repeated and then walked in the same direction as me...i witnessed this from a block away...as they were walking in the same direction as me...and, upon rejection, he walked in my direction...he might've been drunk, or drugged up, or just angry, just at the end...hh proceeded to harass everyone who walked behind me, a young white woman, and another man, who i didn't catch a glimpse of...
...i got it...understood...felt his approach and attitude were destructive and inappropriate and unacceptable and inexcusable...and shouldn't go with impunity...and i don't mean the criminal injustice system...but in a more just system, some form of ass-whopping followed by some sort of restoration, of reconciliation, and opportunities to address the deeper issues, the roots that have led to this desperate action...
...i got it...felt him...know that he is me...that he is the me that is desperate, that is over it, that is done with the rejections, the closed doors, the one who has expectations, that seeks sensory responses that are pleasant, words for this ego that match with my aspirations for sensual gain in chocolate, jobs, friends, women...and when it's missing...when i get the opposite of what i wanted, when my wants for a pleasant response aren't met, then this ego gets disturbed, gets hurt, spins into a whirl of sorrow...self-pity, self-hatred grounded in childhood, in believing the words, the sounds, the sights, the fists of rejection...f u too then...the reaction...the reaction based on ego reacting to ego...
...the ego gets in the way of that which Is...that which Is, is Truth...it is that everything passes...that you can choose to engage with this gnosis or to forget and be stuck, in a state of attachment, of trying to hold on to that which is fleeting...
...f u then...fight me then...the search for an end, for 6 feet in soil, for moksha from the body...happens in the path of ego through utter nihilism...life is guaranteed to disappoint if you are operating from expectation, from the search for pleasant responses, from the search for others to nod and agree, and approve, and thumbs up, and salivate, and express interest, and gifts, and offerings, and desire...disappointment is guaranteed in the sensory world of ego, because everything changes - the skin that you received so much compliment for becomes flaccid, folds in, causes cobwebs...the movement that you may be celebrated for change in an instance, from the slightest injury...and the applause diminish...the sex appeal, gone...the fame transient...the friends engaged in individual aspirations...the person who shows you mad love shows you nothing but ice and daggers...it happens...and the streets take this as you can't trust no one...but that's the trajectory of nihilism...in the Real world...you operate with the understanding that everything is changeable, and no guarantees, and that the default is Love...and see things as a witness...with pure Love...and operate from honesty...without reaction, but Truth...without disappointment, but embrace of the opportunity pregnant in the challenge, in the reaction...without seeing the rejection as a closed door, but to consider what other doors have opened as a result...
...for me...the doors of rejection have opened the doors of greater opportunity for dialogue, for honesty, for seeing how it creates opportunities in my path, of practicing unconditional Love...of practicing non-attachment...of being in the seat of Witness...of seeing the gift of letting go...
...thus, young...at every moment of what this ego seeks and does not get...Watch...and be thankful, be Love...and consider the opportunity...and see it within a spectrum...you got chocolate yesterday...and today...you want it all over again...wow...this is a pattern...i am seeking a reward...what am i avoiding...?...what does the chocolate covering up?...what could i be doing instead...?...all praise is due...for the opportunity...embrace the seeming wound...it allows for the insatiable ego to be exposes and the Truth to be a step Closer....
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