letting go of myself, letting go of my angst and alientation and perturbation of alcoholics on the road and behind the wheel and letting go of late mornings and even later nights, and of too much coffee, a teeth full of chocolate teeth, and letting go of eating till i sleep and eating whenever, with irregular consistency, and leaving no room in my belly for air or water and defying the prophet and prophetic admonishments of keeping away from notions of full, which really mean greed. letting go of greedy and selfishly holding onto me, and my sense of pereceived identity grounded in isms of alter-ego's, letting go of lazy and sitting around youtubing how to this and that, and getting as far as two hours later with new fantasies. letting go of parsimonious love, and compromised writing, and spendling little time in growing crafts that i love, have spent great deals of this lifetime studying and working on 9i.e. half-stepping on my writing by keeping it private, by avoding the risk of sharing/offering this art). letting go of idleness, and talking about it, and thinking about it, and scheming about it. letting go of get rich quick, or thinking about being self-sufficient; letting go of creative entrepreneurship spaceships that fly by night but remain only in the firmament of my imagination; and letting go of community-lessness, and beliefs that are shrouded in inactivity...
....in a phrase, i am letting go of actions/inactions steeped in emotions, which are in conflict/contradiction to my values...
...doing this by proactively doing/embracing my values, by defining these values, in the context of what has appeared as truth in my experiences with humility, in the path of Surrender - listing these and posting them in a card and wall and evaluating my in/actions
...what this looks like is:
un-mindful action: doing prayer by rote, because it's that time of day to bow
value this reveals: prayer is a spiritless routine, a going through the motions for the sake of dogma
yet the value i hold in theory is: always push limits in the practice of rituals
action according to value: go deeper in daily acts like prayer, i.e. focus on breath, on the surahs recited, on dikr, going a little deeper each time in the ablutions, in the motions, in the words emitted, in the dua...
excited about this process of being proactive, of taking charge of doing and being from values instead of just emotions...all praise is due...
especially excited about proactively becoming self-sufficient economically, among other things...
...hold me to it young...
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