...in the backseat... looking through the window... at the moon... wondering if it will trail off... if it is just following us... no one else... us meaning my fiction... the world that bore me into this current Reality... i embrace it... embrace You...
..today is leading into the full moon and as i reflect back... in this backseat in the cafe... hidden from the remaining drops of daylight somewhat clouded by the grey wisps of fall in spring... i am reminded of the intention from last month... to focus on letting go... to reduce... this was more than physical... it was the letting go of certain patterns of thoughts... ways of being... that keep me separate... entangled in a false reality...
...i am often reminded of this false reality when i consider the past... when i consider how time has often left me winded and wondering... what happened?... where did it go...?... this was my Realization 17 years ago... and in Realizing this... i went into a deeper Quiet... Realizing that i didn't have to speak much... that others did... that when i did speak it was more to grow... to learn something... to grow deeper in Self... instead of saying something to advance me... my thoughts... my ideas... what i had to say... my voice...
...i Loved this way of Being... it was clear... i was engaging to play and learn and grow and Listen... not to be heard, not to convince... i Loved this because it tapped me deeper into Self and less into ego... if i spoke it was to ask questions and try to understand... i Loved being exploratory... feel like i lost some of this...
...i was just reviewing possibilities for the equinox... celebrations... and in doing so i felt like i wasted 20 minutes of my life only to try and Connect... and it made me think of how i used to consume events and stake out social events to have something to do to avoid being still...
...i've known from the words of others and most importantly from my own Truth that it is Work that will Connect me... Real Work... i'd like to go deeper in Work... to share more... to give more... let go of being secluded....let go of running after... and Be still... let go of perfection and put Your Work out and who shows up will show up...
...in the name of the Most High...
...this month has been a bit of ups and downs... and deep Connection... deeper... feel like she has taken me deeper... that i've been forced to face my shortcomings... my ego... the issues that keep me from fully Being Love... let go of that which is short of unconditional... i Realized how important vipassana has been to me... how it keeps me in Reality... how it is every moment and not just the time set aside...
...in the breath of...
...this month i learned the importance of letting go not on a surface level but the insides... things that keep me...
...this month... this coming month... this moon... is that where the term month comes from?... i would like to Connect deeper with release... with Becoming through rewiring my insides... by rewiring my thoughts.. transforming them from making points, control, conditional - ego-centered... not as things to say or talk about or show off about... but as an inside out... this month is inside out - spring cleaning... in Quiet...
...this means every time i Listen i Listen from Love and when i find things come up - thoughts emotions of hurt anger etc, then breathing into it... annicha-ing it... dissolving the sanskara... and Listening from that place of nourishment, safe-space... rahma - compassion...
...this month is Work towards Quietness... towards internal transformation... towards deep witnessing... this month is doing Work from this place of deep Quiet... not to brand or sell... but to nourish and grow... yoga, cooking, art...
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