....what are my contradictions...?... how do i illuminate them instead of keep them in the dark?...
...what are yours?... i enjoyed our company the other day... and noticed others, whose company i would enjoy as well... in fact... there was a couple i knew who we ran into... said hi... n it was good to see them... n i kept my distance... to ensure your safety... to ensure that u felt ok... why?... what if i stood there and spoke to them for a while...?... what if i made plans to hang with one of them... while you were there... while you waited...?... would that be rude? improper? disrespectful?... or honest...? real...?...
...hmmmn... i wonder about this... about being real and true to self... while practicing compassion... while being regulated by the feelings of others... while being kind... while engaging in ethics....what are the ethics you practice?... how does it guid your day to day?...
...afteralll... weren't all these rich, powerful men in hollywood... weinstein, cosby, others... as sick and repulsive as their acts were.... weren't they being honest to their inner desires with those they disrespected?... i mean... it's said that we engage in sexual thoughts several times a day... they say men think about it a good quarter to half the time... who knows where babylon get these stats... but... we can all attest to the fact that we have these thoughts... so what if we acted on them?... would that be more honest?...
...i ask... because i was posed with this dilemma by someone i knew... who engaged in this way... a woman... who actively flirted with others in front of me... who made plans to see/hang/etc... it was honest... and the consequences of this were that it broke a sense of social more for me... that it was crossing a line... but it wasn't underhanded... it happened right in front of me and i had the opportunity to decide how i wanted to respond...
... things go grey in a way that i'd hear from folk older than me when i was young... black and whiteness become a million shades in between... and i am enveloped in the shades, like a heap of blankets stacked above me...
...i guess... it's probably why i write so much... these pages are readily available... doesn't require so much effort... my folks and bro are like that... readily available... open... i can call them now and speak for a while... most others... including probably me... are busy... have a lot to do... don't have the time... unless you are right in front of them... and they in front of you...
...you choose who you want to make the effort for... and if it's not your family... and you are constantly making effort and it is not reciprocated... let go... with Love... let go and focus your energies on what needs focus... and you will attract those you will... as it was written...
...the contradictions are opportunities to transform... to acknowledge, be transparent... and work through it... bring it to fore... cause only we can figure this out together... by ourselves... we are like cells in the skin... aware of other cells, but isolated to the skin....
...move with values that are from a place of vulnerability... that allow you to be vulnerable... honest... potentially hurt... but cards on the table... with compassion... with humility... and in this suppleness... grow... let yourself grow...
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