...sometimes... You... and then you... and the battleground... what i think is love is lust... and what is lust is a desire for Connection... to be with You... and it's odd... cause the people you want to be loved by are usually those who disavow this... who are unavailable when you avail yourself... except...
...this is the exception... when you lose interest, when you no longer want to play... when you move on... then it happens... the desire... the kindling you were seeking... and then you are open again... then you put yourself in the ring... desire still fuming inside you... fumigating... suffocating... and then you get together and it shows... this desire... and because the tension is premised on resistance... and you offer none... she loses interest... is unable to be present...
...the cycle is what leads to vrittis... whirlwinds of thought that keep you stuck like a record... spinning... out of control... you are out of control...
...in the name of ALLAH...
...sometimes...
...the opportunity is in the suffering... to learn where it comes from... the lust... the seeking of pleasure... and when this is unavailable... hurt... disappointment...
...an obvious pattern... and yet... why does it cycle in this way...?... why do we keep after the sugar... the late night dessert - coco-bliss... the want... the anticipation leading you to get dressed, get fresh, superficially... so that your plastic is crisp, as nice as the packaging for the cologne at macy's... as nice as the packaging for the thousand dollar watches... you go... travel great distances... with this anticipation... this desire propelling you... not knowing where it's going... where it's going to go...
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