...in the name of ALLAH... the Most Compassionate... the Most Merciful... who did i help today?... j... he had a pinched nerve... school in bx... with their need for restoration... listened and offered strategies... to younger j... with an ear... conversations... was kind to family and friends...
...walking back... i was in similar dilemma with every one else i met... what to do...?... do it different... have a place... do what would be fulfilling... put it out there...
...walking back... ended up in cafe... long... chilled... talked... didn't make moves... how could it have been different... fumbling forward...
...lil homie j said that his sis gets a lot of work from clients simply through word of mouth... she doesn't use an instagram accnt, or a youtube accnt to get clients... but she does the work... what is the work you are doing?... want to be doing... isn't it funny that you are coming to this question again... again and again....
...again i am hanging with her... again in the space of being in want... but different this time... this time i asked what the Lover would do to help me... this time i Loved... listened... was vulnerable...
...i did that today... when j told me he had some neck pain... heard it first... listened... mad e a suggestion... then asked myself what the Lover would do... voice said to go buy some oil... to give him the treatment he needs...
...where am i a medicine man?... where do i offer my services...?... where do i teach yoga?... people have been asking...
...walking back i realized that i was working in circles... that in attempting to create this youtube channel... i was doing it like before... just focused on detail and beauty... like the films i've made... focused on the aesthetic... focused on trying to look good... like volumes in jungle book... focused on how the words look... like standing in front of the mirror for hours... focused on looking a part...
...looking back on this... i realize that part of the anchors... yoga... keeps me from putting too much time into looking... and more into Being... into Being winter or summer or astrological or walking with my grave... looking back... this is an accomplishment...
...looking back on my writing process... again... i am caught on trying to get it right... instead of revising to put out to share... with that said... one growth has been seeking wisdom... reaching above my comfort zone in writing... in Reaching just above... in trying... in flowing...
...looking back... i stayed away from making commitments till the 11th hour... did that again today... this week... with the writing thing this weekend... instead of being decisive... lesson... be decisive... commit... what's coming up that you could be decisive in...?... getting a spot... committing to it... air bnbing it... committing to this...
...looking back... i've taken... consumed classes... with no purpose... with not using it - 16mm film class... cpr class... new school... elederberry school... etc... how are you integrating... actively using what you spent borrowed time doing...?... what would it look like?... an active practice somewhere... and videos and everything else only in relation to this... the Work will get you the Work... do the Work...
...commit to a place... space... Work... do it because it is needed... based on people you are seeing... not because you have a product to sell... take the feedback you have been getting from people... smack taking meat off his diet... a n a going mostly vegetarian... not because i shared with them the importance of fiber and digestive health... but because they did the research themselves...
...walking back... like the short videos i am working on now... here are a thousand journal entries for me... for no one else... with no benefit to anyone else... and here i am... doing it again... here... in this cafe... instead of doing my practice... instead of offering tarot therapy... readings... herbs... smokes... teachings... community building...
...lesson: make offerings... do offerings... spend your time in offerings... instead of just yourself... yoga as an offering... high frequency cooking as an offering...
...lesson... instead of consuming... invest... in your path... i.e yoga... i.e. writing... that will grow you deeper... as you fumble forward... try... take risks towards... instead of taking classes... instead of being a consumer... instead of another degree in writing... write and put your work out there brother man... get it out... put the album out and get the feedback...
...the question returns... what is my Work?... this again is in the lessons from the walking back - a repetition - the mantra of perfectionism... procrastination... paralysis...
...my Work is to heal people... through bodywork, oils, medicine making... Connecting with the seasons...
...Connect to Self is what i embody... something i am aspiring to... but people need bread... healing... who will benefit seek out Connect to Self... kids... self help community... those wanting to grow deeper in Self Love... who will Connect to yogi medicine man... those who seek services in healing... through yoga... who want to heal through yoga and ancient medicine...
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