...what medicines do you need?...
...a medicine for you failing to help your parents get out of the ghetto they raised you in because you don't want to feel stuck in a job or in a place or can't make up your mind about what you're doing in your life, when they have toiled jobs around the clock and cooked and cleaned and took you to school and the doctor and found a way to get a dentist, bartering their bodies, feeding everyone that ever said a kind word to them with 13 course dinners from ingredients they bought without foodstamps, with the coupons they clipped in their downtime between feeding bathing clothing you and your siblings...?.... what would you call that issue you have? inability to make up your mind? to make a decision? to think beyond your self? to commit? the proclivity to be romantic with friends, women, artistic pursuits without a care for what is happening, for the clock that is ticking...?... what about something like :letting your parents down for your self-involved quixotic pursuits ...?... something like that... this may involve a combination of pages paper clipped together to write forgive me notes, from a place of deep understanding of how you might have hurt those who loved you most from recognizing their grandness in your life... a nose oil with some burn to get you out of your self and being engaged with reality... a tea that you can drink that conjures nostalgia,
...a medicine for how to deal/make sense of your girlfriend laying in a bed with a recent-past lover while he is pounding into some other chick and trying to get your lover to participate?... to make sense of all the layers of it... of why she was spending the night in his house knowing their is tension... how/why she ended up in the bedroom?... why she was lying there... why she spends her nights staying in ex hook-up's houses when she has other options for living, albeit inconvenient...?... how to make sense of this knowing you do the opposite... being boundaried, vocally and physically preventing yourself from engaging in relations with other women outside an occasional afternoon hang... far from going over to their place... far from staying over... how you feel devastated by it... how it makes you question yourself... what your karma is... makes you feel at once sympathetic for her sense of violation by it and hate her for putting herself in the situation... how a million questions clutter your mind, a million f you's... a crumble from overwhelm... from not getting it... of not wanting to care... of giving up... of disappearing from her... of feeling the world stuck in your throat... what kind of medicine can address this?... what would it be called?... what could the issue be boiled down to?... the Lovers devastation from his love participating against her heart in staying over and pressured into witnessing the sex act of a recent years long on and off hook up partner?... being violated by your lover being violated by one of the hook ups she still hangs out with... what could the medicine for this be?... a bottle to drink and throw up... in the forest, under a tree, by yourself... instructions of how to come out of this - a bottle of water with lemon and salt.. dipping your head in cold water... a long page to write all that is troubling you... of the anger and hurt and possible ensuing hate... all written down and burned... another page to forgive, to let go, to empathize, to get past your barriers in Love... with the quote from rumi... "your task is not to find love but merely find all the places within yourself that is keeping you from love"... an oil to rub vigorously on the neck and face and then wash it off... a tea to release tears, grief, hurt.. a coffee based facial to scrub off the grief sitting on your face... a tea to build compassion, empathy...
a medicine to make sense of what to do next in life cause you don't know how to crawl out of the wounds you are festering in... because somewhere along the way you went wrong and keep going wrong and grow deeper in wrong... and along the way forgot how to hold a job and know what makes sense and how to live in the world and how to have community and friends and craving some nicotine and whiskey and still feeling like that's not enough, that having been there before knowing that that won't change anything, and wanting it all to be okay but it doesn't feel okay, and everything is changing, and you have no control, including people leaving your life, people getting older, feeling alone and not wanting the company of any one and wanting company... not wanting touch and wanting touch... so deeply lost in your hurt that you're tired of speaking about it, don't have words for it... don't want words for it... what would this medicine be addressing... lost my way and can't find my way home but wanting to real bad... in this medicine would b a map for drawing home... what are the characteristics of feeling/Being home?... what makes you feel this way?... when do you feel this way?... if it involves how others interact with you, if it involves specific people in your life currently or in the past... think of the feelings, and the way you contributed to this/these... besides the map... some snuff... a smoke blend to smoke... inhale a few times for three days... a smoke to cleanse... a tea to sip while you map... a tea that will give you Guidance... a coffee hair facial to leave on and wash off in the shower... to invigorate your scalp... an after shower scent to smell good for the Guide, to attract Guidance... an ear oil to Listen...
...a medicine for a summer season that you are entering with a dim light, with a damp spirit, with hurt... summer is a season of outdoors... of long days short nights... of activities concerts heat... use this heat to tap in to a burn... to embrace the burn... to let it burn... to be out more than in... to smell the uplift, taste plants, feel cooled...
...i guess i don't know... i don't know that there is any medicine out there that will help with these things... atleast not physical medicine... of course everything is potentially medicine and the greatest medicine of all is Spiritual and all others are only effective so long as the Spirit is addressed because no amount of tincture will address the pain that comes from a disturbed Spirit...
...in the name of ALLAH... the Most Compassionate the Most Merciful...
...Love so deep that nothing else matters...
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