...in the name of ALLAH... the Most Compassionate... the Most Merciful...
...have mercy...
...this full moon... alone... i am situated well in ritual... un-jarred by the absences and nostalgia of those who i was with last month, 2 months ago, last year, etc.... thanks to the teachings of the gurus, of the prophet, of the Way...
...ancient math keeps me steeped in You... close to 24 hours in a fast that will conclude tomorrow morning to complete the 36 hours that spans 3 days... the day before to the morning after...
...what i learned this month...?...
...28 days ago i was in ithaca, ny... i was living in a room in a house that held its own beauty in some ways... it was bit of a challenge to access people... and the people i lived with were post-cooperative... so human interaction was limited...
...someone next to me just cursed... the f word... it's common say... heard an interview w junot diaz earlier... he said it... reminded me of a talk i went to with him, in which he repeatedly used the word and a kid in the audience asked him why he cursed so much... he said it was an expression... i wonder if people are forgiven for their low frequencies when it's rationalized through sociology... through anthropology... it's still low frequency...
...being a vegan makes you more sensitive...
...got cursed out the other day... on friday eve, when d, steve, and t walked around, decided to crash a wedding... they didn't... i had to use the bathroom so i did... walked in... leaked... men in suits waited for me outside the bathroom... took me into the kitchen... dude cursed me out... threw me out... threatened to give me over to the d.t.'s...
...cuss words are common say... hold a frequency...
...cold today... so i could only imagine ithaca right now... last year... was there this time last year... breaking up... after porchfest... a few days after... consumed...
...alone at the moment... being choosy about choice, a ted talk said... i am alone in the way of not reaching for carrot sticks... not any old carrot sticks...
...back to last month... 28 days since the last full moon... for the last one i was w/yessi... we celebrated the moon with a dinner at the taughonok inn... a beautiful place... even if the food is just decent... atleast the vegan options were...
...what i realized about being in ithaca is that my outlets were thin... meaning... unless i had a car i was restricted to the town... and unless i had kids or a wife or both... i was restricted to navigating solo... and the community options were less... and that if i wanted to grow deeper in an area of interest like ashtanga and writing and bahagavad gita... i would have to work alone or initiate it... that there were less teachers of deep stature in these areas...
...upon returning to the city, i have been able to plug in to some height... the ashtanga classes i've taken here have already required me to step my game up and work through challenging poses in the primary... while still working on intermediate... the bhakti classes have placed me in a space of yogic community... which i have been seeking... more than just asana... the writers meetup has required me to work on my writing in a more serious way... and i know i haven't tapped into height here... but will... and these spaces have also led me to be in the space of community interaction...
...in regards to my intention from last month - to let go of control - i realized that control isn't always a bad thing... it is if u r being manipulative... and asking at evey juncture - what am i trying to control? - has led me to following this with how can i Be Self instead?... that is... if i am trying to control my posture, or breath, or time by reading and writing, etc... than how i can be tadasana, or prana, or jana-yogi instead?... that is Be it...
...i also learned that when you are working with too many tools, you are in danger of dropping all... and accomplishing nothing... thus, keeping it simple... like the years intention - what am i afraid of? and walking into it... is enough... perhaps coupled with one other thing...
...having these reminders be lived is essential... and a tool to ensure this is ti ritualize it... ask yourself at every juncture: how am i being single-minded in focus? what am i afraid of? what am i trying to control?...
...so what i learned is less is more...
...i also noticed that i was giving up some key rituals, like culinary arts... and i mean, i prep meals almost daily, but there's a difference between prepping meals and going in... and i miss this... art of this was that the yoga classes were taking up a good deal of time...
...i realized that as much opportunities there was to be in a space with others and learn together... it is real important for me to only work on and towards that which is in my Purpose and not deviate...
...so stay single-minded in focus...
...i also made close to no money this month, but spend a lot... and i did this partially out of belief that this job i'm waiting on will work out... but i also could've worked towards what i'd started in ithaca... building a client base... taking risks to do this... by having a 2-3 day operation...
...i also made close to no strides in the kit i decided to put everything into last winter solstice... and yet no progress... why?... i've been putting things off... until they could be right... and then today... i saw an ad from a friend of mine who has a beautiful herbal line and packaging... and is also a vegan... and also works several gigs and travels... and knew that it was just me half-stepping...
...so what will get me to change this month...based on last month... habituate the good and take out the bad... towards the end of accomplishing Purpose in clients, in kit... i.e. merging culinary with doing it in service... for others... so... doing it for others... taking risks... putting myself out there... i see... so this is it... habituate or vinyasa that which will actualize goals for you... i.e. make medicine daily... design journals daily... work on short stories daily... but then have this be part of a publishing... a public celebration... a public component... submit works, demo works, vend works, share herbal knowledge, etc... of holding office space for the public...
the habits that get weeded are sleeping late, being on the screen too long and too late, or too early... or just because... replacing defaulting with good - prepping foods and carrying with me so i don't have to add to more packaging and trashing of Mama... of carrying a book to read with me in addition to the journal i carry to write in... of carry a plate in addition the mug and utensils i carry... of sleeping early and waking early...
Greetings, I don't come back to these writings as often as I would like, but when I do...sigh, by then end of the reading, I feel lifted. Gracias amigo.
ReplyDelete