...and even though the moment past me by... even though... i stared... dreaming that it ended up different... that we're still together... that we are in a museum... at the met... after hours... for a special event in the egyptian wing... the way they would have parties for staff during christmas... the way they'd let us come in on mondays when the museum was closed...
...songs we loved played through the speakers of the galleries... like a soundtrack for a movie... like our moment was always on the brink of collapse and asencsion... a fear and trembling... and there was lift off... there were butterflies coming out of the paintings...
..we floated through the wings... through saturday and sunday... you coming over... staying for wine and breakfast... at the vegan diner in the town of homer... 2 hours away... cause i had a craving for tofu scramble and you knew of a place and had your car... whipping wind through the i-87... laughing the whole way... pulling over at the rest stop to get coffee... to stretch... the interlace... exchange d n a... exchange stars and cosmos...
...hearts beat hard over breakfast... the conversation of diners dissolved into the stuff of settings that Lovers walked obliviously through... we stared... deep... pauses...
...hopeless... i have always been hopelessly in Love... and when i think about it... when i really truthfully think about it... it was Always You...
...it was Always You i wanted to experience... and what is it about being Love with another that kindles that sense?... or is it a sensory organ?... this feeling of being in Love... of wanting someone... of anticipating them... of sharing in the lift-off?... is it a sensory organ all to itself...? ... like an ear or eyes or tongue or nose or skin... is there a sensory organ for falling in love?...
...what is that feeling?...
...when attempting to understand addiction... i learned about the reward pathway... about dopamine and serotonin... and neurotransmitters that activated these when certain behaviors were played out... but it wasn't just restricted to consuming the rewards, like black-forest cake... but the process of obtaining it...
...there is the anticipation phase... the giving into a desire to have a smoke... by seeking it out... by asking around... by making a trek to the weed spot... this portion sets off excitability... cultivates deep motivation... as the reward gets closer...
...and finally... the hit... the smoke... lasts 2 minutes... after a few hours of working for it - getting dressed, make calls, shooting texts, getting on the subway, getting to the spot, forgetting that you have no cash left, going to the nearest atm... scoring... getting the other ingredients - the cigar... emptying it out... going to the park... noticing others doing the same... getting into convo with them... after all... you are the company you keep... and you are what you eat... and if you eat bacon... you will meet and hang with others that do... as they will be in the bacon aisle or bacon stall at the farmers market... and you will attend the bacon donuts party... and you will soon be in a community of bacon-lovers... and then... finally... you take the hit... and you get high... but not as high as last time... and definitely not the high you used to get years back when you first started... so you smoke more... putting the entire contents of the 8th in... $50... up in smoke... and you hop on the train... high and giddy for a second... but then someone walks in without limbs and crawling on the ground with a pan... shaking change... and you get sad... and you notice the couple that gives them a dollar... and you think of your ex... how it didn't work out... how much you loved her... how it hurt... and how your man would get in the way of you... and maybe he just wanted to holler... and he probably did... and f him and her... and f these bitches out there... and...
...love may be part of the reward pathway... dopamine... the sense of reward may be affection you receive... touch... sex... the feel goodness... and what's wrong with that? you may ask... nothing if it's not a drug... noting wrong with weed if you are using it ceremonially... but on a daily... it's a drug... you still gotta deal with your reality... whatever it is.. and no one else can take that way...
...set up your formula for love... in the Work you do... and let this carry you through... as Work is worship (the prophet)...
...being of service to others through cooking... through farm fresh foods... through farm to table culinary dishes... through farm to table that is vegan... that is plant based... minimally processed... that is made with Love... you will then attract a community of others that are also vegan, farm to table based, chefs that are aligned with craft and humility, that abide with Spirit... and High Frequency... and sharing this with others will infect them with a similar desire to get lifted with High Frequency foods...
...being of service to others through yoga... through ashtanga... through the 8-fold path... through practicing it by yourself... through practicing it in community... through attending classes... teaching... sharing the art... hosting yogic gatherings around the full moon... around yogic foods... the reward you may seek is to get Higher... so you do more... so this time, in addition to lift off, you get into a handstand... this time both legs go behind your head... you have conversations with others who are working through these poses... you attend ashtanga gatherings... teach asthanga classes... provide therapy through yoga...
...the path you walk will attract others on it... so walk High... instead of seeking a hit... instead of seeking this from others... no one else give it to you... only You can...
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